To tell the next person who asks if I'm pregnant to F OFFFFFF!

156 replies

Definitelymaybebaby1 · 05/06/2024 08:10

I'm mid 30s - even as a young person I had skinny legs, no bum to speak off and a pot belly - and now 3 kids later it's more prominent. I'm about a size 12/14 overall but I know my figure is imbalanced with a bigger belly than you would expect for my frame. When I lose weight I get smaller all over but maintain the same proportions. It's just my bloody body! I hate it. Of course. Would I be a product of the 90s diet culture if I didn't?

I've recently started a new job I'm excited about, and part of it involves delivering a training course every 4 weeks. I share research and information on how to best work with children who have been abused to other professionals in children's services. I'm passionate about it and feel like I'm good at it. 4 weeks ago, on the first course, I was in the flow of my presentation and at the break some arse man said loudly in front of everyone "oh and is that a little bump? How lovely, when are you due?" I shut him down and left the room to cry in the toilet. I lost my flow and confidence for the day. I told my boss after (which was very embarrassing) but she was supportive agreed he was a thoughtless arse, really talked me around.

Yesterday, second run of the course with a different group of attendees and a lovely-seeming woman with four kids of her own who works in the same sector as me said to me "and how long have you got left at work?" with a smile and look down at my tummy. I said "I finish at 5" and went to my car to car and scream.

I feel like I cannot stand up in front of another group of people and do this course again. I am crawling of out my skin with self consciousness and won't be able to concentrate on what I want to stay for feeling like everyone is analysing my body. Why do people feel like they can say this?! I thought everyone knows it's a no go conversation but clearly everyone is so sure I am, that they think it's ok to say. I want to do my presentation from behind a screen or via an AI avatar next so I can just do my f'ing job without having to be judged for how I look.

OP posts:

iwentjasonwaterfalls · 05/06/2024 08:23

Oh OP I really feel for you. It's so difficult to get yourself back on track when you're training a group and something like this has knocked your confidence, so well done for doing it twice in a row.

Have you got a "housekeeping" slide at the start of any training presentation or video, or do you have the time to show a housekeeping slide at all? The usual about toilets are located x, mobile phone policy during the course and, if you feel up to it, a tongue in cheek comment along the lines of "I can't believe I have to say this in an adult learning environment, but recent courses suggest I do - no personal comments about anyone else in the room. This includes their body, clothing, etc".

It might be vague enough not to make you feel like you're drawing attention to where you're feeling insecure, but stern enough to make them think twice before making any comments.

MarthaDunstable · 05/06/2024 08:23

95% of people know you should never ask a woman whether shes pregnant unless you're about to X-ray her or she goes into labour in front of you.

But if you're meeting 20 new people every session then that 5% will get you.

I'm sorry and I don't know what to suggest. You shouldn't have to, but think carefully about what you wear. Maybe walk in with a double espresso and remark on it as you take a swig (silly idea but I'm clutching at straws here, and I wouldn't want to take the up-front announcement approach for the sake of 5% of people who lack social skills).

Alwaysalwayscold · 05/06/2024 08:21

I know you shouldn't have to, but can't you wear something that minimises it?

fourelementary · 05/06/2024 08:18

I agree with the PP that perhaps mention it yourself. It’s so rude and unprofessional that anyone would do that.
An aside- has it always been that you actually look pregnant? Would it be worth checking with a GP in case there is any medical issue causing significant bloating/swelling. My friend just had a massive fibroid removed which deffo made her look pregnant.

Holluschickie · 05/06/2024 08:16

I hear you. I have the same problem because of menopause. People still ask me if I am pregnant. This is a question that should never be asked.

I have started responding with " I am just fat". I am not fat actually. I am a 12 with a healthy BMI.
Deeply frustrating.

JellyBellies · 05/06/2024 08:14

That sounds really hard. What is you preempted it?
Put it in the beginning of you presentation- before anyone asks, I'm not pregnant. A few well meaning ppl have made a mistake - or something nicer/funnier

You have my sympathies though, my personal rule is I will never mention it unless the other person says they are pregnant.

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