To tell the next person who asks if I'm pregnant to F OFFFFFF!

Due to diastatis recti from pregnancy, I look pregnant. I try to hide it with baggy tops. A colleague asked me why I only wear baggy tops - I just said "because I'm fat" 😂
If I wanted to reduce my belly temporarily, I'd wear control underwear, it does a great job

It's awful OP. Ive been there too! It's just body shape and genetics. No one should feel that it's OK for them to comment. When we were selling a house once, the young male Estate Agent commented to the couple they were showing around, " I see you have another baby on the way, the bath is plenty big enough for two". I was mortified for them. They did buy our house but never had a 2nd child. How about some good shape wear to boost your confidence?

Taylor is on our side!

BBC News - Taylor Swift defends Lady Gaga over pregnancy rumours
www.bbc.com/news/articles/cyxxklwn4vgo

I’m post menopausal and have 3 adult children and this used to happen a lot to me because I was also slim but sometimes had a little tummy (especially on my period). I’ve had someone touch my tummy and say ‘Oh I feel a little bump’ in the middle of an important presentation. A store attendant once asked me loudly when I was due when I was pushing my 8 mth old in a stroller in front of them. It’s so hard to know what to say in the moment and it’s terrible but they are the problem not you. I used to just try to give the death stare or flip the question passive aggressively back on them by saying’No I’m not pregnant but thanks for asking’. Alternatively try saying ‘No I’m not. What about you?’ It stings more if you say it to a man. Good luck and hang in there. You are not alone.

I had this last year when my cousin asked me if number 2 was on the way at a family funeral. I was just about to tuck into a big plate of pie and chips as that was the only food provided.
I had an eating disorder most of my life and had put on weight due to medication to treat my severe pnd after having my daughter which also meant I couldn't conceive a wanted second child without risking birth defects and was on my period so it was quite a sensitivity topic not that she knew that.
General rule of thumb, do you suspect a baby is imminently going to exit a woman's body and you can help? Then yes ask the question otherwise keep your thoughts to yourself

Omg what is wrong with some people?! I would never,ever just assume that a woman was pregnant just because they had a little bit of a stomach. The thoughtlessness and ignorance of some people astounds me. And yes,it has happened to me in the past because I have a bit of a belly. Thankfully now I'm post menopause, people don't automatically assume this any more! Sorry you've had to deal with these shitty people OP.

This is interesting - I can see how weights would tone your arms and legs, but how do they make a difference to your stomach? What kinds of exercises are you doing?

Sympathy OP - I have a similar body type, think a male classmate first commented I looked pregnant when I was in my bathing suit at 12 years old, and the comments have just kept coming over the years - really painfully now, as I would like to be pregnant and am not and have never been. I’m not dismissing your feelings, but maybe try to be grateful that you do at least have kids, and even if the comments do make you feel self-conscious about your body they could still be hitting a lot more painfully than they are.

I love a Lena Dunham quote that is in one of the seasons of ‘Girls’, where someone starts talking to her (actually about something else) and she interrupts them very politely and graciously with ‘and before you ask, no I am not pregnant, I appreciate my body type is very confusing’. I love how self—accepting it is and I sort of think that’s the way to handle it, honestly.

This is why I don't go to group exercise classes. Last time I went to yoga the instructor thought my abdominal muscles were tense and bunched up (I wish it was that!) and she requested permission to touch me but was then pushing down on it (gently) but obviously getting nowhere. She didn't say anything thank god, but I never went again 😬

I also had this happen to me in a workout class. The lady was showing us some moves and said to me 'lady at the back in blue this exercise isn't safe for you so do this one as an alternative'. I said 'oh ok why?'
Then she says because it's not a good for pregnant women.
Obviously I then had to explain in front of the whole class that I wasn't pregnant.
She said sorry it must have just been the way your T-shirt is hanging.
I was so embarrassed. I was at the back because i don't like attention drawn to myself.

I get this all the time!

I've been offered seats on trains.

I went for a massage the other week and the receptionist asked when I was due. Obviously I explained I wasn't and I've got lots of children already and just haven't lost the tummy weight

She kept apologising and apologising. I said it was fine not a problem.
Then the therapist called me in and the receptionist was still apologising. This then prompted the therapist to ask what happened. Then I had to say in front of everyone in the reception area that the receptionist thought I was pregnant when I'm not. Que everyone in the waiting area looking at my belly.
I was just mortified and wanted the receptionist to just shut up with her apologies as she was making it worse.

I often see other people looking at my tummy and trying to work out if I'm pregnant. One mum was quite subtle and asked if I was going planning to have anymore children. I thought that was quite well played.

In my old job which was home visits I was wearing a loose top.
All of a sudden patient said wow I just saw you baby move please sit down you can't keep standing. I stupidly didn't say anything.

Next day I got an email apoligising for her outburst and moaning to someone in 'my condition' and offering me some of her old baby stuff!!!

I was mortified so I feel your pain op. I was fat though and still am. :(

YANBU OP it makes you feel awful. I had this when I was slimmer but had a tummy. I'm a bit plumper now and get it less as I'm probably more in proportion... for now, as I'm trying to lose weight. I also have a please offer me a seat badge for commuting as I have issues with my legs (hence some of the weight!) and some people assume it must be a variant of the baby badge and say things. Even when I am limping and wincing.

I am polite if they've misinterpreted the badge but people who do it any other time get a very blank, look and a rather heavily delivered "I'm not pregnant" or "no, just fat". Someone who made more oblique "congratulations" references got "I don't know what you mean". Someone who asked when visiting an old work place of mine - who was a fat bastard himself actually- got told off by my male colleague. I had been more polite with this guy as I knew him and I don't think he meant any harm by it but my colleague was very cross on my behalf!

I usually aim for my reply to be the verbal equivalent of a very hard slap in the chops though. Wait a beat, look at them intently and say it slightly contemptuously. I want people to feel embarrassed and to know they've offended so they won't do it again. Unless someone has told you they're pregnant or has the badge etc, just don't go there!

What @Holluschickie said. Even when I was a size 8 people would ask when I was due. I’m just fat works well. DH always says “don’t mention a woman’s pregnancy unless she is pushing a baby out”

It’s rude to be asked that question and for that man to ask in front of everyone is unbelievably rude. I don't know what the perfect response is.

I find it annoying how people ask me if I’m going to have another baby. It’s none of their beeswax.

Happened to me while I was drinking wine.

I've had this too and know it makes you feel awful.

Worst was my own mother - phoned me after we had visited at Christmas to say she noticed I had a bump and did I have something to tell her? I couldn't believe it - I was a size six at the time, and my youngest was only 9 months old. My back was knackered from carrying him around (he was a chonk!) so my posture was bad. Apparently she'd already told her sisters I was expecting again!! FFS!!!!

I have a collection of uterine fibroids which make me look pregnant.

Annoying but not painful now I'm older.

Perhaps others here have then too and have never been diagnosed?

I try to wear balconet style bras to push my chest up and out so it looks bigger and therefore my belly doesn't look so prominent.

Or wear baggy clothes.

I have diastasis recti. It's mortifying and really knocked my confidence. I just want to hide in a corner at work, I can feel it's holding me back because I don't want to do anything that might draw attention to myself. It's having such an impact that I want to bring forward TTC for DC3 because then I'll have an excuse. Being pregnant is the only time I feel like I don't feel ashamed by my body. Although even when I was pregnant with DC2, I could tell the midwife was surprised that I was only 8 weeks.

Typing this, I know it sounds ridiculous. It makes me really sad that so much of my life is dictated by something that I had no control over. But I can't see how I can ever be that person who doesn't care. I'm saving for a tummy tuck.

Oh I feel for you. I’m 2 c sections down and probably a little pudgy but I was at my baby’s baptism, holding him (he’s 10 months and quite a chunk so I probably do stick my tummy out a bit to carry his weight) and an old dear smiled and asked me if I was expecting again already. I said smiled and said no but I felt so shit all day. People should just know better nowadays!

@Definitelymaybebaby1 your “I finish at 5” was smart though. There’s always one clueless twonk who doesn’t realise you never ask stuff like that 🙄.

There are other outfits like a flowy sundress with shirred bodice where my tummy isn’t visible at all, and I look quite slim (ish!)

I’m a size 8/10 and for me it’s the total opposite. If I wear fitted trousers, a belt, a blouse tucked in no one mistakes me as pregnant but a flowy dress and a swing top has everyone asking despite me actually not having much of a pot belly these days (decades of yoga and Pilates has helped after 4 DC)

Oh that reminded me of once when I was asked ; 'Oh, when are you due?' I smiled and replied; '10 years ago'.

I left that person looking absolutely baffled. Hopefully the penny dropped eventually.

SO rude. I have had this happen to me and I broke down in tears immediately (because we have actually been trying and failing to get pregnant for three years). The person was soooooo embarrassed, I hope they never do it again.

I am very thin, but I am another who carries weight on my belly. For me it's peri-menopause and the results of my first pregnancy, plus bloating if I eat certain things.

If I'm asked again I intend to go for the "No, I'm just bloated" - hard stare - approach.

This! My sister had a similar problem whatever weight she was, turns out she's got Coeliac and was constantly bloated from gluten/wheat. Now she's cut out gluten her tummy is normal sized.

@liann34 and @BrightSunshinyEvening - I agree with both of you and have found weight training has done wonders for my menopausal belly. It's a revelation.