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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feeling sad about creche

94 replies

mumspiration1997 · 04/06/2024 22:30

Aibu to send my 9 month old to creche 8minutes away from home for 1 day and 1 half day. Probably a total of 10 hours a week?

I don't work but my husband works 7 days farmer and I have an older child (who went to creche at 6months while I worked) is at school now. Money isn't really an issue to an extent.

DC is due to start in a week or so and the guilt is consuming me I can hardly sleep or eat.

My husband says it will be good for him to socialise but I feel so bad as I'm not at work.

I don't ever get a minute but isn't that what motherhood is about?

Part of me feels like I'll actually get a day to do housework and catch up on life admin and maybe get to do something special with my older child each week .

But the guilt is eating me. I don't know the creche very well as it's a different area as to where my older child went. Perhaps that isn't helping.

Aibu? Should I send DC or keep at home?

OP posts:
Original poster
mumspiration1997 · 04/06/2024 22:45

Comedycook · 04/06/2024 22:41

You sound like you have a lot on your plate.

Instead of paying for childcare, maybe you'd be better off paying for a cleaner or meal delivery service for all this food you're having to cook. Or getting carers for the elderly relatives.

Yeah...maybe I should do both. I'm wrecked and really feel like I'm gonna book a weekend home by myself and spend it in a spa and the pub 🙃 😅

OP posts:
Original poster
mumspiration1997 · 04/06/2024 22:44

Elisabeth3468 · 04/06/2024 22:42

To be honest if you send him to nursery then youll have less time than you think because they end up catching soooo many bugs and viruses and they are constantly unwell.
I would keep him at home personally, unless you are really struggling. They don't need to socialise at this age and you could maybe take him to a stay and play/baby group if you were worried about that?
It depends how much you want that time to yourself but I'm just warning you that your life might be harder when your kid starts catching all these viruses that are rife in nurseries.

Hadn't thought of this. We are already knee deep with school bugs 🐛 😳

OP posts:
Daisymango · 04/06/2024 22:44

mumspiration1997 · 04/06/2024 22:38

It's just I look after 2 x elderly relatives and I spend a lot of the day cooking cleaning etc for them and I feel like I'm not getting enough time teaching and bringing to baby classes etc. Also parenting 12 hours a day with no help and everything else has me drained. I haven't got my hair cut or been to the dentist in a year.

They need carers not you to have to do that !

Cancel helping them , cancel crèche and book some nice baby classes

Elisabeth3468 · 04/06/2024 22:44

mumspiration1997 · 04/06/2024 22:38

It's just I look after 2 x elderly relatives and I spend a lot of the day cooking cleaning etc for them and I feel like I'm not getting enough time teaching and bringing to baby classes etc. Also parenting 12 hours a day with no help and everything else has me drained. I haven't got my hair cut or been to the dentist in a year.

Would it be worth paying for carers for these relatives so it's not all on you??
Your baby is priority here.

Theydontknowaboutus · 04/06/2024 22:43

It sounds like you really need a break, so why not give it a go? You need to look after yourself to be able to look after others.

Original poster
mumspiration1997 · 04/06/2024 22:43

SpringerFall · 04/06/2024 22:41

Motherhood is not being a martyr

It's up to you but thus 'I am a mother so I can't be away from my baby for a second' is weird

I would be fully inclined to agree with you normally and fully had this attitude with the older child. Took my day off to myself and them in daycare. Feel different 10 years on and a bit guilty 😔

OP posts:
Elisabeth3468 · 04/06/2024 22:42

To be honest if you send him to nursery then youll have less time than you think because they end up catching soooo many bugs and viruses and they are constantly unwell.
I would keep him at home personally, unless you are really struggling. They don't need to socialise at this age and you could maybe take him to a stay and play/baby group if you were worried about that?
It depends how much you want that time to yourself but I'm just warning you that your life might be harder when your kid starts catching all these viruses that are rife in nurseries.

Original poster
mumspiration1997 · 04/06/2024 22:41

Merryoldgoat · 04/06/2024 22:40

I was extremely fortunate. My PIL had my fist son a day a week from when he was 6 months whilst I was on maternity leave and it was amazing. I know that’s different from a nursery but that time to just breathe was invaluable.

So lucky. Wish I had this.

OP posts:
SpringerFall · 04/06/2024 22:41

Motherhood is not being a martyr

It's up to you but thus 'I am a mother so I can't be away from my baby for a second' is weird

Original poster
mumspiration1997 · 04/06/2024 22:41

Pleatherandlace · 04/06/2024 22:36

I wonder if your husband is pressing you to do this as he is actually feeling some guilt around not being there to support you more himself?

Well yes this sort of is the case? He runs a large farm alone and I also have to help. There's not much else he can do to be fair

OP posts:
Comedycook · 04/06/2024 22:41

You sound like you have a lot on your plate.

Instead of paying for childcare, maybe you'd be better off paying for a cleaner or meal delivery service for all this food you're having to cook. Or getting carers for the elderly relatives.

Merryoldgoat · 04/06/2024 22:40

I was extremely fortunate. My PIL had my fist son a day a week from when he was 6 months whilst I was on maternity leave and it was amazing. I know that’s different from a nursery but that time to just breathe was invaluable.

TeaKitten · 04/06/2024 22:38

If it doesn’t feel right then don’t send him. One day a week isn’t much for a baby to settle and your DH is wrong as 9 months old don’t need to ‘socialise’.

Original poster
mumspiration1997 · 04/06/2024 22:38

It's just I look after 2 x elderly relatives and I spend a lot of the day cooking cleaning etc for them and I feel like I'm not getting enough time teaching and bringing to baby classes etc. Also parenting 12 hours a day with no help and everything else has me drained. I haven't got my hair cut or been to the dentist in a year.

OP posts:
Original poster
mumspiration1997 · 04/06/2024 22:37

Comedycook · 04/06/2024 22:35

Nine months does seem a bit young if you don't need it for childcare? Who arranged this and why?

Will be over 10 months by the time it comes. It was just arrange because we thought it was time going and so that I'd get a break really. We have no family support nearby and wouldn't be keen on a babysitter on weekends that we didn't know. But now that it's happening I'm a bit nervous

OP posts:
Pleatherandlace · 04/06/2024 22:36

I wonder if your husband is pressing you to do this as he is actually feeling some guilt around not being there to support you more himself?

Didimum · 04/06/2024 22:36

I don't ever get a minute but isn't that what motherhood is about?

No, motherhood isn’t about choosing hardship in the face of solutions. It’s about ensuring you have the best wellbeing you can to provide for your family as a whole.

Comedycook · 04/06/2024 22:35

Nine months does seem a bit young if you don't need it for childcare? Who arranged this and why?

Pleatherandlace · 04/06/2024 22:33

You don’t have to send him if it doesn’t feel right. 9 month old babies don’t need to socialise anyway.

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