Feeling sad about creche

Yes - get carers in.

Please don't feel guilty! YANBU at all sending the baby to crèche for 1 day and a half per week, if will be good for you and for them so a win-win!

Too much worrying about mothers being away from children, when there's none at all about a father being away from a family all day! Be kind to yourself x

That sounds like the best of both worlds. Your baby gets to experience new things and learn to be away from you for short periods and you get a good chunk of time with less stress.

I was all ready to say go for it but I was thinking the child would be 2+. At 10 months I can't see any benefit to her and a full day away from you is a lot.

You matter too and you deserve some down time, but maybe two half days?

No-one who is not part of a farming household with livestock will ever understand, in my experience. It's not like you get a day off, it's a lifestyle.
YANBU either to need a break from your 9month old and other child and elderly relatives and calves and running the household.
Take a day, do the farm books for half of it and house admin for the other half.
This is okay.

I’d jump at the chance for some time to yourself! there’s no need for guilt at all! Whilst I agree socialisation isn’t necessary at 9 months…..socialisation for you is! If you have a bit of time for yourself to relax, follow hobbies, maintain friendships….i reckon you’ll be a more engaging and interesting mother! You don’t need to drudge through it just because you feel you should!

If crèche works out cheaper for you then it’s a perfectly valid option.

If you don’t want him to go to crèche then it’s perfectly fine to say that too.

Yep, agree with this.

If you wait until he's 1, that's during the development phase when stranger aversion is stronger and settling him in would be harder than now.

Perhaps you could get a cleaner combined with child minder - someone prepared to give you a hand with cleaning but also looking after the baby.

@mumspiration1997 nothing is ever perfect. Whatever you do will have some downsides. But realistically if you are there for you ds the 95% of the rest of the week, ten hours or so at a crèche is really not an issue. Think of it in a more flexible way, you can always change your mind back again but it sounds like right now that this plan is the best one. You are clearly a lovely mum to even be weighing it all up so much. Now go and get your haircut 👍🏻

If the crèche is good I think why not... I sent my ds at that age also for 1.5 days and it was a good age to start as it was before they get really stranger averse, my ds's key worker doted on him and he was happy there, it certainly didn't do him any harm and whether he got more out of going than if he'd stayed at home I don't know as it's impossible to measure, but it was of zero detriment and helped me massively!

Can you spend a bit of time at the crèche with him to meet the staff yourself and increase your comfort with who they are? I think it's hard to leave your child with people you don't know in blind faith.

I would wait until they are 1 and reassess. 9 months is young if you don't have to send them.

Do you have anyone helping with milking?

@mumspiration1997 it is clear that you have posted to seek validation for wanting to send your 9 month old to the crèche. This is obviously something you feel you need. There is no shame in that, you don’t have to justify it! I was a lone parent and stayed off work for the full year with ds, by month ten I was finding it draining and not enjoying it at all. He went at 12 months for three days a week and I can’t say he started to enjoy it until around 14 months or so… BUT it was the right decision overall because I was on my knees with exhaustion. I was a much better mother when he stated nursery three days. You know what you want and need to do and what will make you the best mother - that’s always the right thing to do. These things are flexible anyway… if you send them and two months later you can’t bare it then take them out. But it will be fine. So here is the permission you are after. Have confidence in your decisions.

Don’t feel any guilt if it’s what you need. Very few know the actual brutal reality of farm work.

However if you’re not ready to be apart from your baby couldn’t your husband take on a farm hand a couple days a week and get himself a day off a week? It’s not good for him to work every day of the year. I come from a long line of farmers so I understand the challenges and constant pressure, but both of you need time for your own mental health, and you need time together as a couple and a family.

He really does not need to socialise for at least another year. If you feel you need a break that’s another matter. But if money isn’t the issue I’d buy in some extra help and make time to take your baby out to rhyme times, baby groups etc. Presumably the crèche is during the school day, so it won’t enable you to spend time with your older child anyway?

One final thing - I’d definitely not be sending him to a crèche that you hardly know anything about.