Feeling sad about creche

Exactly. And different things suit different families. I was a stay at home. Neither of my younger two kids went to any sort of nursery or pre-school. We never went to many baby groups or play groups either. I got judged a lot for that! I had all sorts of advice that they’d never settle in school, have no social skills etc. All nonsense, they did settle , had lots of friends and are now fully rounded young adults.

I mean, this yes

It sounds harsh but it's true

It isn't also okay if a mother was to have a breakdown and harm her child because she needed a break.

Personally I wouldn't do that at 9 months

Your husband is confused babies don't need to socialise, they ideally need to be with their family

Do you have any help from parents or in laws?

Nothing wrong with sending them if she wasn't working either.

Why would you feel bad? I am sending mine for two mornings a week and dont feel any guilt. Time to yourself is very important. No need to be a mummy Martyr.If I don't have time to myself I become very stressed and shouty.

I agree with this too! Others seem to be focused on offloading other responsibilities, and spending 24/7 with baby when OP is saying loud and clear she needs a break!

I second this. The people saying don't do it while simultaneously saying don't be a martyr, seem to be overlooking the fact OP clearly needs a break and given her circumstances it's sounds like without the creche she has no chance of doing so. The poor woman doesn't need guilt inducing comments about DC age etc.

You ARE working . You are managing the guest house, helping with farm stuff, looking after relatives.
You aren't sending him so you can get your nails done. You are WORKING.

FwIW... I send mine at 16 months and 20 months. I was a SAHM but DH was deployed with the Army. That was exhausting enough.

Send to creche as planned if when your older child is back to school in September you still not comfortable take him out then.
Think your older child would like the baby free day. Hard get 10 yo things done with a baby.
Maybe unusual but I never felt guilty about creche my kids started about 6 months. Even when I worked 4 day weeks they preferred going in rather than going around getting jobs done with me.

Don’t feel guilty!
on top of doing all the housework and looking after kids and relatives, you are also managing air b n b and helping out with farm so you are working - your just jot getting the pay check…
I also felt guilty sending my LO to nursery at 1 even though I was going out to paid work as I also had no one nearby who could help.
but it’s been great. And I’ll admit there is the occasional day I have off when I still send little one into nursery so I can get the housework done.
one and a half days is not so much.
so if it’s something you want to try go for it, you don’t have to commit if it doesn’t work out.
but you also don’t have to go ahead if it doesn’t feel right to you. Just don’t feel bad. It’s ok.
just do what’s best for you and good luck x

Baby doesn't need crèche at 10 months old. But it sounds like you need baby to be in crèche for your own mental health and there is nothing wrong with that! I think if you own it for what it is - baby needs to be in crèche to help the whole family function better - you might feel better about it. 1.5 days in crèche won't be in any way bad for baby, and it will be good for you and the larger family.

Try it out and see how baby gets on, and how much difference it makes to you all.

I'm a SAHM and sent my kids to nursery from age 1.5 and 2. I see no problem with it. Younger one still attends nursery and was going 9-3 five days a week until recently but now goes four days a week. He enjoys it and I get some guaranteed time to myself (husband is away a minimum of two full days a week, 5am one day until 10pm the following day, but often away more than that).

Do whatever works for you. When I was little I didn't go to nursery but my grandparents helped out a lot. We sadly don't have that luxury for our kids so nursery has been the answer! In fact, tried sending youngest 'only' 3 days a week for a total of 15 hours to begin with but it meant it took him almost a full year to settle, so we increased the days to make it easier on him and it worked :)

Edited to say please ignore my unfortunate username 🙈 it's an in-joke and I forgot I'd changed to that yesterday before posting now!! It's not any kind of dig at any mums on this thread

That's what I think. Separation anxiety is stronger as they get older. Better to start now.

I'll just say that if you're only sending them for a few hours a week they find it harder to settle than those who are going for longer each week. I was a SAHM and sent my son two mornings a week only, just because I needed a little time to do chores. He never settled. He never got used to it and hated it! However this could be due to his temperament as well.
You could always try it for a few months. If it's a disaster, you can stop.

It's absolutely fine to send him if you need a break, BUT, I did similar with dc1 when she was 18mo and found it to be more hassle than it was worth.

I'd actually look into someone coming to help in the house, with cleaning and a bit of childcare if you can find them. You definitely need more help as you sound incredibly busy

10 months is a completely fine age for your child to go to a crèche. And it’s only a day and a half. Don’t feel guilty. Do what you need to do. You have a lot on your plate. Mine went at six months. That was completely normal when my children were young.

This.

I would absolutely be putting him in a crèche for 1.5 days a week.
Do it for your sanity if nothing else.

You say you don't work, but later you say you help on the farm and you care for two relatives. That's work. Don't de-value yourself.

Two mornings would help the baby settle better. For complicated reasons I had to send mine to one nursery for 2 days and another one day each week for several months. They never settled at the one day place.

Other than that, it's totally fair to need a break. Do think about what you need a break from and maybe look at a cleaner, another carer for grandparents or more farm help if one of those options might be better or a good extra thing for you.

I'm a sahm and I'll be sending my dd to a preschool at almost 2.5 years so I get the importance of getting a break. I don't work nearly as hard as OP as no elderly relatives to care for and DH works normal hours so he's around to help a fair bit. I think shorter morning sessions over several days is more optimal if you can get those hours, or I would look at other ways to reduce the burden on you - employing a carer for the elderly relatives, a mother's help or cleaner for the house, employing another person on the farm, to free you to focus on the baby.

I think you saying you don’t work isn’t right really, helping support elderly relatives, milking and running an air B&B is working!

He doesn’t need to socialise obviously but it certainly won’t hurt him so don’t feel guilty.

So you are working then! You have a lot on your plate, if you'd be fine with childcare for paid employment, why not for all you have on?

Your child doesn't need nursery for socialisation now, clearly, but they will before you know it and they'll already be settled and happy.

Sounds like you could use more childcare rather than less tbh.