Embarrassing Doctor Stories

😂At last a story I can handle and enjoy!

Hence your username!

This thread is really going to scar me. 😬

After a colonoscopy and whilst completely off my tits on gas and air I noticed them attaching a DVD onto the front of my file. I said something like “oh you filmed it - My Bumhole The Movie, it will be a box office hit”, and then fell about laughing.

@Calliopespa there have been threads (ha ha at threads) on MN in the past about ‘banjo strings’. I am not clever enough to find them. I believe it’s a bit of skin on the head of a penis that PP’s say has been ripped or torn on their partners 😱during sexual relations.

“Turquoise poo.” How very descriptive! 🤣

Oh no! What’s that now?

I’m shouldn’t really admit this but these epic fart stories always give me fart envy,

One of the things that is becoming clear on this thread is that a condition of being admitted to medical studies ought to be a distinct lack of hotness. Apart from the poster who seems to have revelled in having her torn labia “gently parted” by a hot doctor ( and we’ll dismiss her as an anomaly) a sexy doctor only seems to make the patient experience more anxiety-inducing.

Also surely they could do better with the allocation of patients to doctors and consultants. Why ARE so many women having to have their mastitis or adolescent budding breasts prodded by men and men flopping their testicles out of their boxers for female doctors. It’s as if triage have an agenda to heighten awkwardness.

One evening I developed excruciating abdomen pain. I couldn’t move. Concerned it was appendicitis we headed to A and E. After triage, sitting in the waiting room still in pain, I let go of the biggest fart, resulting in the pain almost immediately disappearing. It was all just trapped wind!

My partner found a "lump" inside of me, this was embarrassing in itself but obviously caused us both some concern so I went to the doctor to get checked.

The lovely lady doctor did an internal examination and informed me that the "lump" was actually my cervix. Just a normal cervix sitting where it was supposed to be.

This was about 12 years ago and I still haven't forgiven him for the shame 🫣🫣

@Calliopespa wait till someone mentions ‘banjo strings’😂

So many horrors on this thread I didn’t know were possible. Getting ripped open during sex, vomiting faeces… I’m almost too scared to keep reading . 😥

How is this even possible? And if there is such an angle surely loads of cave people, Victorians etc must have died doing the deed. I’m not sure I can ever face it again now …

My sister did the same when her daughter had turquoise poo. She'd been to a party and eaten the icing surfboard on the cake.

Been there with this one too. My crawling baby got rather fascinated with the dishwasher for a time. I was working from home while my husband was doing shared parental leave when I heard "the pain cry". Announced i had to leave my meeting because my baby was hurt. Ran across the kitchen to find my husband holding a screaming baby who was waving her hurt hand around with blood flying everywhere. Apparently she'd grabbed a sharp knife in the dishwasher while my husband was loading it.

I stuck the injured digit under a tap, wrapped it in a clean tea tower and dispatched my hysterical husband for a plaster, that I put over the cut that was still bleeding heavily. I could let tell how deep it was, so I told my boss I wouldn't be back that day, and departed for the minor injury unit, concerned there might be nerve damage or something.

We sat there with the baby for 3 hours. When we saw the nurse and removed the plaster the bleeding had stopped and it looked like a blinking paper cut. :s

Thanks @ChickenMaths and @Tegridyfarms for reminding me of that thread. So funny! This thread is excellent also. I do love the thought of the little baby with his/her little hands being placed on his/her stomach and head😂I have lots of medical ones. I still remember the doctor mistaking the mark my knicker elastic had made on my tummy for a CS scar!
We also had a rescue dog as a child that was very difficult to handle. He had an awful red weeping sore on his tummy. No one could get near him to look at it properly. My parents eventually got him to the vet. The ‘sore’ turned out to be a red Jelly Tot sweet.

My other most memorable is the time my youngest had a burst ear drum. I can’t remember the specifics of why but somehow it ended up being the four of us taking him to the OOH GP. We all trooped into the Drs room and I have hold of my son. My eldest goes in first and I think is stood near the window, I am still stood up and explaininh to the GP what the problem is, I back into where the chair was to sit down, unbeknownst to me my eldest has moved the chair to sit in it himself. I ended up flat on my back holding my baby up to protect him as I fell, like I was fucking rafiki presenting Simba to the pridelands.

I once went to the doctors because I noticed my skin turning blue. I was so worried I had some sort of condition which was affecting my oxygen intake…it was just the dye from the new pair of jeans I was wearing. Absolutely mortified!

Not a face palm type situation but mortifying all the same. In labour two months early with my twins. I’d had a show and my waters had gone. Got to hospital. Met the doctor on duty. Literally the hottest man I’ve ever seen - like a Ralph Lauren model. Not necessarily my type but just beautiful, golden perfection. He wasn’t convinced I was in actual labour, but I was convinced. Told him I’d had a show, waters had gone. Much to my horror, he handed me a sanitary towel, told me to stick it in my pants and to show it to him when more of my mucus plug came out. Of all the encounters I wanted to have with a creation of absolute beauty, showing them a sanitary towel with part of a mucus plug on it was not on the list 🙈🙈 Oh, and he was wrong: I was in labour and I met my beautiful babies six hours later!

Oh heck this reminded me. When I was 3 or so, I was badly scalded by a cup of tea, and had bandages all over my chest for a time to protect the healing wound.

Imagine my mum's horror to discover me hald way through investigating how much soil from a flower pot in the garden I could stuff into the bandage.

I can't think WHY toddler-me would have thought that was a good idea...

I’ve got tears rolling down my face reading this thread.

I’ve got a few tales but my most memorable is the first smear I went to after having my first child, he must have been about 2 at the time. I ended up having to take him with me at the last minute. Being my first he only ever had healthy snacks, organic obviously, unlike DS2 who has been brought up on wotsits (as an aside, guess who is the fussiest eater🙄)

Anyway, I get him settled in his buggy with a pot of blueberries while I’m behind the curtain legs akimbo. The nurse has a rummage and declares she will need a bigger speculum, sure fire way for your cervix to disappear even further. She doesn’t have the bigger size in the room so leaves to go and get one. Her leaving disturbs my DS who starts whining and fussing and promptly drops the blueberries all over the floor. The nurse walked back in to me on my knees, naked arse in the air trying to pick them all up

I did similar - in the winter I just shave part way up my shin so my ankles are done for if they show in trousers. I had an appointment at the hospital to check a dodgy looking patch of skin (turned out to be eczema).

It was low on my leg so thought I would be able to pull my trouser leg up but the nurse said I had to remove the whole leg from the trousers and then got a (fairly attractive!) consultant in to check the skin - had a lovely line across my shin where the hair abruptly ended and 6m of winter growth above it! Must have looked so weird 🙈

I had been pretty unwell for a few weeks with lots of issues and complications but was partly due to a blocked bowel.
I had been in A&E 3 times in the past 3 weeks (and admitted into hopsital each time) and on the 3rd visit I was sent to A&E by my GP because I was vomiting diarrhea..... I spent a week in hospital, had an operation, and then about 2 weeks later I had more serious symptoms and was back in A&E where I was admitted again.

I'd seen the same member of staff in 2 of my previous admissions and he saw my name on the board and came to see me again.

He greeted me with "Hello, I saw your name on the board so just wanted to come and see if it was you again.... (then very loudly) "You were vomiting feaces"

I went to the Dr while pregnant, lovely female doctor when inspecting my stomach commented that she loved my tattoo. I'm confused I have no tattoos, she points out the lovely flame tattoo on my stomach. It was my fucking stretchmarks. DD was 10lb 4.