I know I am, please tell me to get a grip

I think the fact that you would even ask him about it shows there's more going on than you're letting on.

The lie could have come from 1 stupid moment of feeling a bit annoyed and defensive and the fact that you've drafted a bunch of messages about more things you've seen on the clubcard is too much.

oh my god why do you care? can't imagine my husband tracking what food items i'd bought and eaten. this is next level seriously. get a hobby or something

You are separate individuals. Get a grip.

I logged onto Tesco tonight and there are all sorts of random items now in favourites - big bags of sweets, sausage rolls and pastries etc. He must have been buying it and eating it in the car, why! Why is he lying to me about something like this!?

He's not lying, is he? If he didn't know before that Tesco's keeps a record of this, he knows now, so he's bought this stuff quite openly. If he wanted to keep it secret he'd be going elsewhere.

Having read about saving so hard you "ran out of food money" I think maybe you need some time to reflect and unclench over both money and food. Extreme frugality/healthiness just really isn't good for anyone and it certainly isn't good for relationships if it means someone has to be interrogated if they buy a snack

Again an example of disordered eating (strict crash diet and then bingeing) and again people with little understanding of disordered eating implying that it makes the person a liar. Food addiction is a real thing and I can promise that your ex couldn’t really control his actions.

I have binge eating issues and would 100% hide stuff like this from a partner due to shame and self loathing. It doesn’t mean I’m an untrustworthy liar, it means I have disordered eating. Seriously, stop mentioning it to him and stop calling him a liar or suggesting that he is untrustworthy. Be supportive if he wants to talk about it.

And honestly even if she were his mum this would be mental. Imagine living under this level of scrutiny.

Could it be he's let someone use his tesco clubcard? At the checkout yesterday I'd realised I'd left my phone in the car that has mine on and asked the lady next to me if I could use hers as it would save me some money and she did, I've also done this for other people. It then comes up with their items.

Blimey, it's not "secret" eating, it's just eating! On his own! Without consulting you! The horror!

If I ate lots of chocolate one day I wouldn't want to announce it to someone. I'm not secret eating but I don't want to tell someone every single thing I eat or do.
I would be really, really annoyed if I was being questioned about it because it seems controlling. I have previously been in a violent controlling relationship though so anything like that is a big no to me.

Just be less thoughtful to him with buying treats if he isn't thoughtful to you.

I agree. You sound quite overinvested in this small issue.

I find it quite odd that you are upset about him buying food without your oversight. I do think that’s unusual. I couldn’t care less what my DP buys to eat at work. It just wouldn’t cross my mind.

I would feel pretty stifled and controlled if I was being expected to account for every bit of snack food I ate and the idea that my partner and I have to be at total parity in the things we eat.

You are a his wife, not his mum.

Bloody hell let the man eat his Mars bar.

I can't imagine being quizzed on this - are you happy? Are you a secret eater? Why did you lie about eating this?

Maybe he just wants to eat something without an implied accusation, criticism, faux concern, without any commentary at all.

Maybe he's not on board with the healthy eating, or has changed his mind and wants to loosen up, or ate some things he regrets and wants to forget about it, or has led your healthy eating campaign and is a bit embarrassed that he fell off the wagon.

I'll tell you one way to make someone an unhappy, deceitful secret eater and you're doing it right now.

I think you are a bit too enmeshed. Think about it. On one hand you say you don't mind him buying the snacks but then you also say that if you buy a treat for yourself then you should get one for your partner.
Maybe he doesn't want such a fuss over fancying a snack. He doesn't want snack meetings or joint snack decisions. He just wants a bloody sugar fix. Your reaction hints to me why he felt he needed to hide it from you...

My dad always monitored everyone’s eating and food shopping very closely. He doesn’t mind what everyone eats although likes it if he feels he is eating healthier and inevitably there is surprise and judgement. The result of this is that everyone else in the family has always lead a double life when it comes to eating.

I think I get it. I had a similar experience with an ex. He wanted to lose weight, I wanted to too, but not as much as he did. So we both started eating really healthy. But then I found receipts in his pocket a few times with all junk items on them. Wraps, chocolate, crisps, pastries. It was upsetting to find out he'd been secretly hiding this stuff from me for no reason. It wasn't even that he'd been eating it, but more because he chose to do it so secretly, intentionally hiding it from me as if I would have tried to stop him or something. I really don't know what that was about. For me, I just felt humiliated when thinking about how he was scoffing all that crap in the car before coming in to sit down and eat healthy shit with me, thinking we were in this together.

It's his problem, OP. Whatever this is, it isn't about you. Try not to take it personally. But I understand it's hard not to feel a bit betrayed.

People loe when they don't feel safe or comfortable telling the truth. Obviously it's wrong to lie.. but this is such a non issue I'd really wonder if you are coming across as very judgemental. The fact you've even asked about it in the first place is a touch invasive..
I'd never in a million years ask why my DH had bought certain food or snacks. I mean I don't think I'd even go over receipts or an order like that... it does seem odd. Unless it was very expensive? Why would I care if my DH had bought a chocolate bar or a sandwich whenever?
This makes me think he is a it scared of you or you are coming across quite intense.
Maybe he just lied on the spot because you sounded like you were going to criticise him.

If he were hiding it surely he'd get a new clubcard or use a different shop?
He can eat what he likes as long as he can afford it and he's not literally dying of morbid obesity.
Even then he still can tbh.
Would you want every small spend on snacks to be policed by your partner and taken as a moral dent upon your character?

You are being controlling and weird, leave him alone poor bloke

I think I would be tempted to lie to my husband if he started quizzing me each time I bought a packet of crisps Fgs

I think I would be tempted to lie to my husband if he started quizzing me each time I bought a packet of crisps Fgs

Why do you have to have the same treats and snacks as each other? Are you five?

@Starfondue This is so weird… the only time I’ve ever gotten on my DH about what he eats is when he’d eat my treat that I’d been saving. (He has seen the error of his ways and after the last time has left my treats alone).

Other than that he’s an adult as am I what he eats when he’s out is his business as it is mine for what I eat. It wouldn’t even occur to me to tell him what I bought and ate and I’d think he’d gone nuts if he reported back what he ate in a day.

I think the ‘just tell the truth’ thing is a red herring. Like is he supposed to come home everyday with a log of what he ate? You say you don’t care but your reaction is saying otherwise. I’m guessing that this is why he lied about it. I have a feeling you wouldn’t have just ‘oh ok’

I think a previous poster probably got as close to the real truth

I couldn't care less about the food or money, but the fact he obviously had bought it and was lying really upset me

Being upset that your husband has bought a bag of sweets without telling you is next level controlling.

Definitely take advice from people that can't even read the OP... desperate to stick the boot in to show how cool they are about <checks notes> sharing sweets...

We do online shopping regularly and I am always surprised when egg custards appear in the delivery.