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AIBU?

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Original poster

Mum talking about other people's illnesses

88 replies

CheeseDreamsTonight · 04/06/2024 18:51

God I sound so unkind even typing this out. I chat to my mum daily, nice chit chats about all sorts, daily check in etc. Lately however she has started telling me about other people's illnesses in detail every time I speak to her. I don't know any of these people. I don't think she even knows most of them.

AIBU to find this quite draining? I am sad for the families of these people but I don't know any of them. Nor does she. I don't know what I want from this thread really.

Do people do this as they get older? I suppose so many people they know are ill. I think she likes telling me about it but it's so hard to listen to.

OP posts:
SpiritAdder · 04/06/2024 21:42

I think it is an age thing. My neighbours are mostly retired and 70+ and they warned DH and I about “sniper’s alley” aka your 50s/60s that we are getting closer to. Apparently that is when you start to lose a lot of friends your age due to cancer, heart disease, stroke, suicide. They do seem to feel like death is right around the corner and they are watching old friends slowly being picked off. I can understand why they would want to talk about it as it seems a way to process their own mortality.

PassingStranger · 04/06/2024 21:42

CheeseDreamsTonight · 04/06/2024 18:51

God I sound so unkind even typing this out. I chat to my mum daily, nice chit chats about all sorts, daily check in etc. Lately however she has started telling me about other people's illnesses in detail every time I speak to her. I don't know any of these people. I don't think she even knows most of them.

AIBU to find this quite draining? I am sad for the families of these people but I don't know any of them. Nor does she. I don't know what I want from this thread really.

Do people do this as they get older? I suppose so many people they know are ill. I think she likes telling me about it but it's so hard to listen to.

She sounds a bundle of fun not.
Tell her to.lighten up and tell a few jokes.

FrogandTrumpet · 04/06/2024 21:38

I think some older people are preoccupied with illness and death.

MillyMollyBlue · 04/06/2024 21:36

Reminds me of Peter Kay’s…

”guess whose died” 😱😂

Original poster
CheeseDreamsTonight · 04/06/2024 20:01

She also ends every story with 'isn't it just awful? It's everywhere at the moment.' I don't know how to respond.

OP posts:
Original poster
CheeseDreamsTonight · 04/06/2024 19:59

Oh thank goodness for you all! You've made me feel better! I feel guilty trying to change the subject but I just don't need to know about the neighbour's cousins uncle.

OP posts:
StormingNorman · 04/06/2024 19:21

My mum does this and it gets worse with age. Tells me about people I’ve never met two or three times removed.

“You've not met the neighbours that just moved into the house with the pond. Well their daughter’s husband (insert illness)…”

Notthecarwashagain · 04/06/2024 19:16

My grandma does this.
I know more about other people’s bowels than my own.

Also the other day she was talking about my birthday and said “ and yours is the last one. There isn’t one after that”
I was confused and then she said “ because she’s dead!”
Oh. ok.

Wishimaywishimight · 04/06/2024 19:14

My in laws are similar - they list out all the local deaths when we visit. I nod sympathetically a lot!

PeonyAndBlushSuede · 04/06/2024 19:09

I agree I think it’s an age thing. My mum doesn’t but my grandma (79-yo) is constantly telling me what illnesses all the neighbours have and who’s recently died in the village. It’s so morbid. Just don’t engage and try and change the subject as often as you can.

ssd · 04/06/2024 19:05

I think older people do this. Thank god my mum didn't.

NosyJosie · 04/06/2024 19:03

My mother in law does this. It’s a combination of being a busy body, nothing else exciting happening in her friends’ lives and an ever increasing awareness that age is creeping up. When I first met her 25 years ago all she went on about was who had a new kitchen and how much better and more successful other people’s adult children were. She never had anything positive to say and was never happy on other people’s behalf. So if someone’s daughter married a multinillionaire, she’d outline all they had and then finish with a whole chapter on how lonely she must be as he travels a lot and what a shame it was that they live in the south of France away from her mother.

What you are hearing here is a projection of your mother’s fears of illness and death. Give her something else to worry about - get a tattoo, become a lesbian, get arrested. Or maybe have a soft conversation about how this isn’t doing her any good and ask her how’s she’s feeling and if she is worried about anything. Have a nice day out. Send lots of pictures of the kids if you have any. Get her a cat.

CardboardQueen · 04/06/2024 19:00

My mum does this. She doesn't understand most of the illnesses she is discussing and will say things like "she's got thyroid". She hears it from her friend.

She knows the people she's talking about but I don't, and I'd really rather not hear it.

I would never tell her anything medical because she would tell everyone.