Mum talking about other people's illnesses

I think people adjust their topics of conversational small talk according to the focus of their life at that time. All ages groups do it. A lot of younger parents like talking about their babies' and toddlers' development to others they bump into. Teenagers talk about bands or singers they like or gaming or whatever or 16-18 options. People of working age whose children have grown up tend to talk about work hassles with management, issues with elderly parents, their children's uni lives, etc.

So for elderly people, unless they are still doing a part time job or volunteering or going to the WI or on the parish council or go travelling regularly i.e. somewhere there is a specific focus, what conversation are they going to be experiencing day to day? It's probably just the small talk and chit chat of others they bump into or go for a coffee with. And the first question they'd probably ask that neighbour they bump into putting the bins out, and their mate Norma they saw at lunch on Tuesday, or the man who owns the cornershop when they went in for a loaf of bread is "how are you, how have you been?" And of course the very first thing most people would respond with is LITERALLY how they've been.

If all the people they bump into or go for lunch with are a similar age to them then it stands to reason their response to "how have you been?" might not actually be "fine, thanks, great" like most younger people might say, but more "well, I've had a terrible chest infection actually, and Dave was in hospital the week before last with something similar. But we're lucky, at least we're getting over it - did you hear about poor Carol who used to work in the florist? She dropped dead suddenly at home last week.!"

Their life basically becomes a list of who they bumped into/met up with and how well they are (or not) at the moment. So that's often the only "news" they have to tell their families when they see them. I think you probably have to make a concerted effort when you're older to make your topics of conversation with family more varied eg politics, developments in your local area, books you've been reading or newspaper articles you read that day, a holiday or trip you took somewhere new, something to do with your hobby that you learned, a concert you saw, a new restaurant or recipe you tried. If you don't actually DO many varied things from day to day then yes, your life is going to be very "small".

I have a feeling I'm going to be in the "small life" elderly group when I'm older, I'm quite happy just pottering about when I'm off work (apart from travelling and I'm sure when I'm a lot older my health won't allow me to do that forever). I'll be boring my boys senseless when they're older, even more than I do in middle age now !

My ex mil did this, her opening gambit would be you know bla bla from 45 a n other street, she died followed by mrs y from by the pub, she's having a double mastectomy, mr chip shop owner has diabetes and so on, 30 minutes later she would say she needed to go without asking about the kids, us though she might ask after the dog. She wondered why I didn't call her after getting divorced! (I have no issues talking to her but I don't know these people!)

@Summertimer are you my sister?

This is 100% how most older people are. In my experience be glad she doesn’t throw a lot of parties, meaning you have to meet them all and/or all their other friends who are talking about the same kind of thing

I change the subject, fill the conversation with my own news or zone out.

As you get older, people have more illnesses. All her friends probably spend a lot of their time talking to each other about their assorted illnesses. It becomes a totally normal topic of conversation.

Just be pleased if your mum doesn't do it with extra snark about how Judy's diabetes is all her own fault and you should see the size of the cake she ate this morning. And so on.

My mum does this. I had cancer several years ago, mentally I cannot deal with cancer and she knows this.
So every time I see her she regales me with the tales of who has died recently, from cancer and how awful it was.
My face says it all, my saying “please don’t tell me this” should give even more of an idea, but no, she just says it faster so she can get it out anyway.

She also moans about all her friends.

Yes! Mil, her neighbour sadly lost a leg and she never stops banging on about it and it’s constant ‘how does she cope with stairs? I don’t know how she cord!’ This has now been interspersed with intrusive questions about my mums recent ill health. She was most put out when I said I didn’t want to talk about it, it’s personal and upsetting. She knows everyone’s medical issues but if you asked her my Employer and job she wouldn’t have a clue.

My mother is the same, if it's not illness it's slagging off everyone she knows. It's so draining.

Every single time I speak to my mum it's doom and gloom. It's family members, people from the town we're from, tragedies on the news. I have the worst health anxiety and she still tells me about people dying most of whom I don't know. It's definitely an age thing and also an Irish catholic mammy thing. She goes to a lot of wakes, funerals and masses. It's her social life. 🙈

My mother all over. I nipped round yesterday and was immediately regaled with two deaths (both people I’ve never met), a stroke, a heart failure hospital admission, and a bunions operation. She never has any kind of positive news. It’s utterly soul sapping.

I have absolutely no time for this sort of retiree-boredom chat.

😂😂

Is she Irish? . My Irish parents and older relatives seem to mainly discuss illnesses and deaths. I don’t even know most of the people they tell me in depth about. Mary nextdoir’s brother’s wife died last week <whisper ‘cancer’> and the funeral is on Tuesday. Right. Thanks for that info, Mum

Yes my mum does it. I know lots of medical info re her neighbours. I think it’s just a topic of conversation as they are all elderly and it’s a big part of their lives and then she relays to me.

Agree it gets worse with age, I get a run down on illnesses and funerals of people who mum met once at a church do , 40 years ago...you get the gist.

This is spot on. In my head I read the second paragraph in the style of Baz Lurhman's song Everybody's free to wear sunscreen 😬

OP- If you are speaking to her daily, maybe she doesn't have much else to talk about! You'd need to have a packed in day to have something different and exciting to talk about each and every day! My mum is mid 70's and would rarely bring up someones illness, unless a close family member that I knew and it was a known issue.
My MIL occasionally brings up others health with DH. He can't stand it as hates anything medical. Its not helped by her also saying things wrong- they have The CoviT, I read it on 'What's It' and they also have sugars! 🙄

I'd stick in some headphones and get on with tidying whilst making "hmm"
"Oh no" "has she seen anyone" type noises