Mum talking about other people's illnesses

I think its because medical issues are predominantly in older people's lives.

Not that she did it all the time, but my DM was once telling me about a friend who had been diagnosed with some very rare disease.

My DF chimed in with, ‘FGS don’t tell Trudie (DM’s relative who always had to be one-up) - she’ll know someone who’s had it twice.’ 😂

My mil started this and we fixed it with a firm 'we don't want to know about other people's illnesses it's morbid and depressing please don't discuss it with us'. Worked perfectly.

my mum always did this all her life ,constant gossiping about people she didn't know , but knew of because her SIL knew them and would talk about them. She would start the conversation something like this "You know Tracy Smith ? "(not real name) I say No and she'd reply :Married to Dave Smith" - still no. "Well anyway ...." and then the gossip would come, sometimes about ailments or what they where having done to the house or new car , where they were going on holiday etc I didn't care didn't know them and it wasted my time, every single time we saw each other and it is draining. I'm so glad I don't have that in my life since I went no contact .That's not the reason, there any many

My mum's a rascal for talking about people's illnesses. As an ex-nurse (retired from nursing in the late 1970s) she regards herself as having expertise in health matters and particularly enjoys a bit of victim blaming, sometimes highly tangential ("Elsie used to go on that cabbage soup diet, maybe that's why she's having all these problems with her bladder") and talking about the good self-help advice she's giving these people. Her own health issues are not her fault in the slightest, of course!

I occasionally resort to, "Has Jimmy from the whist club, who has never met me, actually asked you to find out what your daughter thinks he should do about the ulcers on his stump?" But normally I just accept that it's her social currency and avoid mentioning health issues DH or the children might have because I won't have them used for gossip.

My mum also did this, along with not having interest in my life at all. I don't think there is a way to stop or deflect. I just used to zone out, but she made this more difficult by giving me a nudge with her bony elbow when she noticed I had stopped listening. She also used to try to dominate chat during family events. It was all very difficult.

My mum did this constantly. Used to drive me mad as every time we spoke (pretty much every day!) she would give me updates about people I had never met. Then she died last year (age 67) and now I would give anything for those meaningless chats on the way home from work.

Easy for me to say in hindsight but just humour her. And try to change the subject occasionally!

What you are hearing here is a projection of your mother’s fears of illness and death

That.

I don't talk about this stuff, but the fear is real. Getting old is not for the weak.
I used to take life and health for granted. But all of a sudden you reach the point where it hits you that it's not forever. Doctors appointments used to be years apart. Suddenly they're months apart. Friends die. Spouses die. You look at your little DGCs and are hit by the fact that you probably won't be around to see them reach adulthood. That you won't be around to support your own kids through life.

And you either try to shut that away but it preys on your mind anyway (if you're me) or you talk about this stuff a lot, I can only assume to try to normalise it.

As far as talking about people you don't know it's understandable. My life has shrunk a bit, and my life and my DCs' lives have diverged. They have far more to tell me (that would interest me) than I have to tell them (that they have the slightest interest in). The things that happen in their life probably involve my DGCs. The things that happen in mine involve people they don't know. I'd struggle to have a daily conversation with them without boring them to tears.

I went through all this with my mum, so I try not to do it to my kids. But I do now understand where it comes from.

My mother does this, and if there are no illnesses, she’ll do car accidents, bereavements, bits of bad luck, exam failures, children needing surgery etc. In her case, it’s not age-related, she’s always done it. I think it’s because (a) she has no news of her own and (b) other people’s good news makes he feel powerless and resentful, as her own life hasn’t featured much of either and she’s terribly disappointed in her children (I mean, we’re not criminals or anything, she just wanted us to get married and have loads of children, whereas three of us are childfree by choice and I have one by choice), so bad news makes her feel good under the guise of sympathy. I mean, she’s unaware of it making her feel powerful, but I think that’s absolutely the case.

Yes. People get like this as they get older. I think the constant reminders they have of their own mortality as friends, neighbours, acquaintances etc pass away must get ever more pressing. Just listen, be kind, and remember that it’s harder for her than you.

There is usually at least one random who has just died in my telephone calls with my mother. She likes going to their funerals too. In fairness she is a very chatty lady who does know a lot of elderly people.

This is my MIL too - constantly telling me stories about illnesses or the death of people i've never met or who are long dead. Stories about other people's misfortune are regaled enthusiastically and urgently. It's soul destroying. It's mainly because she has no news of her own. When i tried to tell her recently that I was upset as a v close friend was extremely ill she was totally disinterested - more or less said she didn't care as she didn't know them which really upset me. DH had words with her afterwards ( love my DH)

All my MIL ever bangs on about is other people's illnesses, and my sils unhappy marriage

My mum went through this phase. It moved on to the passive/aggressive "Marian's going to be a grandmother for the 12th time...." . nudge, nudge hint, hint when are you going to meet someone and have children?

My parents are the walking, talking oracle of birth, death, marriages and everything in between.
I just nod and shake my head while making appropriate noises.

It gets worse - after the illness phase, they get obsessed with funerals & how many they can attend.
DS was in high dudgeon that she'd not been invited to the funeral of a man she bought a house from 30+ years ago. Knew when and where it was, but had not received a personal invitation🙄

Can you kind of make a joke of it and within a minute or two of meeting up with her say with a wink "Now, then, Mum, come on, I know you're dying to tell me - who is it who's died this week?" She probably doesn't even realises she's doing it so if you lightheartedly ask her about it as if you're aware it's her favourite topic of conversation, maybe she'll try not to do it?

What a miserable lot you youngsters are !
My parents especially my mum have moved on to tell me who’s died recently.
just wait, ……

This is an old person thing. Every time I speak to my MIL there is a new ailment. I can’t stand it.

I remember reading an article in a newspaper a year or so ago about that. It was saying that some health professionals acknowledge it exists and talking about ways you can improve your health as you enter middle age. I'd never heard of the term "sniper's alley" in that context so did mention it to a couple of people in work. Perhaps they thought I was being morbid!

Yes, it's strange how they can be so interested in such and such from down the road's hip operation but never think to ask anything more than a couple of surface questions about your own life! "Work alright?" - they don't REALLY want to know the issues you've been having in work or that you've been thinking of applying for other jobs are you're unhappy. They just want to know that everything is ok in your life and tick that box off as one less person to have to worry about. 😆