To avoid my birthday present?

I know this is an old thread but I had to comment to say I totally understand where you are/were coming from, OP and I am AMAZED that so many ppl were telling you to go, “it’s the best” etc - what the actual fuck?!

Its only amazing if you like that type of thing - they could have spent loads of money buying you an experience day where you all jump out of a plane, or go for a thoughtfully planned bungee jump, or swimming with sharks.. If you happen to like this shit it’s bloody wonderful, but it sounds likely they didn’t even put it past the OP before booking and are using her big bday as an excuse to organise it for themselves NOT her. That’s the opposite of thoughtless and generous in my book. All the posters saying you should go, it’s wonderful obviously love that themselves - it’s so fucking one sided - can yous seriously not see this and assume everyone feels the same way about life and their bodies as you do? It’s all very well to say fuck ‘em and be body positive, but that’s how YOU feel, OP doesn’t have to feel the same way. FFS, really?!

It's a shit present. Find a nice way to say thanks but no thanks - as PPs have said, you need to close off the possibility of them arranging another spa day for you in future, so don't accept and then fake a reason not to attend.

Definitely don't offer to reimburse them or get a round of drinks as an apology - it's not your fault they got you a crap gift.

They're your friends - they're not going to be talking to their husbands about how you look in a swimming costume! They won't care that you've got a tattoo 🙄 get yourself a nice new costume and you can wear a robe. Don't worry about stretch marks, we all have them!

I'm with the OP on this.....she has explained herself really well and some people are still saying.....oh go on ...you'll love it!

OP you have 2 options.....

1. Pretend to be excited and on the day come down w a bug or covid

1. As others have said, speak to closest person in the friendship group and explain you feel really bad, but spas are just not your thing, but you really appreciate the gesture etc etc

Personally I'd choose option 2 cos if you choose option 1 and another spa day is organised for someone else in group, you're a bit snookered!

I would be uncomfortable too. Have they already got their tickets? Could you say how much your mum/husband has been wanting to go to that place and would they mind terribly this time if you went without them instead?

It's my idea of hell on Earth. If forced to I could just about cope with a manicure and pedicure. All the rest, torture!!

Last time someone bought me a voucher for a posh hotel with a spa I used the voucher for afternoon tea instead.

Whatever shape you are is fine. You are OK exactly how you are and you have no need to change. Your friends will not judge you. This is just self doubt stopping you from living your life.

I'd feign covid the day before
No issues with my appearance but a spa day is my idea of hell
Sympathies Op

Book it. Arrange to meet them all there. Have a car emergency just before you are supposed to be there.

They get to enjoy the day, you get to avoid it.

Spend the day in the dressing gown and invent an allergy to chlorine.

If you don't like spas then don't go. But reel in the racing thoughts about people gossiping about how you look. They won't be.
This is pretty much word for word what I was going to say.

I mean this in the nicest way possible, nobody cares about your body op. Or your tattoo.

We all have a body, millions of people have tattoos and every single one of us is insecure about one thing or another.

Certainly don't force yourself to do things you dont enjoy but also, don't stop yourself from doing things you would enjoy just because you are a human with a human body.

I hope you get the dinner out that you would prefer op.

Definitely tell one or all of the group. They sound very nice.

I agree with @AGodawfulsmallaffair
I would absolutely hate it, and it sounds as Op will have to do a lot of preparation for this present whereas the purpose of birthday present is to enjoy. It’s a bit like husband buying football season tickets as a Christmas present for his wife. Nice if she is into it but if she is not….
Are they expecting to go together? If yes, it’s even less a present.
I could understand a voucher where you can choose when, what and with whom but if you are essentially joining the group activity you should be asked if you want to go.
I don’t like being in a swimming costume even in front of my parents! Ime strangers don’t care and don’t judge but family and friends are the worst.
I would tell them without details about shaving/ extra weight etc if they are slim well manicured type they won’t understand. I would just say that you don’t like spas and you don’t want to go.

Sounds like you're spiralling.

It's one thing for strangers to say have fun, no one is looking at you and whilst that's true it doesn't change the fact you don't want to do it. If someone said to me catch a spider it won't hurt, the rational part in my head knows that but I still can't do it. Crap analogy but hopefully you get drift.

They sound like a thoughtful bunch so just say you feel self conscious and like pp said tell them to go if you can't get refund.

I hate spas too and it's not about my appearance. It's ok to not want to.

If you don't like spas then don't go. But reel in the racing thoughts about people gossiping about how you look. They won't be.

I’m with you op. I can’t think of anything worse to do. It’s quite a personal gift and not for everyone, however confident. I would either be sick on the day, or be upfront and just say you really hate spas ( no need to say anything else ) but you really appreciate the thought and would love to join then there for a drink later. Good luck!

Beautifully phrased response from @Runskiyoga .

I sympathise too. I don't like forced entertainment, especially when it involves getting most of your kit off in front of people you don't know that well. Is it too late for them to change it to something else?

I would feel exactly the same and I go to the health club and swim outside 3 times a week!
It sounds nice to some people but others would find it a thoughtless gift - putting you in this position.
It's a bit of a tricky conversation to have but your friends have bought it for you as they want you to have a nice time. If I was one of them I would like to know that you would rather do something else - it’s meant to make you happy.
If they have bought a voucher already but not decided on a date you could tell them that you would really like to do something else (have an idea ready) and be really enthusiastic about it. Ask politely if it’s possible to do that instead.
How can they resist!?

Approach one of them 'this is awkward - please know that I love you all to bits - a spa is a bit different to dinner and I have my reasons for not feeling comfortable in that environment - I am not going to go. If it's possible to return the voucher then I would love to go for dinner instead. If it's not possible then I would love for you to go and enjoy it anyway and I will buy you a round in the pub as soon as possible.'

I totally sympathise - it’s my idea of hell. If you were just self-conscious but liked the idea, it would be completely different - but spa days are only great if you fundamentally like spa activities. I’m an outdoorsy type who’d rather drag myself across a muddy estuary than have a massage, so I can understand your perspective.

I don’t know how you manage it politely though. If you don’t think it can be changed, I think a nice dose of tactical covid (/infectious disease of your choice) on the day is the most tactful answer. Bit rubbish though!

Honestly, I think you have to go. You can remain in a robe.

Have they already bought it? It's a bit of a risky gift to get someone as loads of people would hate it. You'll just have to be honest that you don't want to go. I'd offer to pay them back what they've spent on my place but you don't have to.

I can't think of anything worse than a spa day, it's my idea of hell for different reasons so I don't blame you for not wanting to go.

I would do as a PP says and see if the voucher could be swapped for something else, maybe afternoon tea or a nice lunch