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AIBU?

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Original poster

Family kept illness secret before GCSE’s

138 replies

Happyharry2003 · 04/06/2024 12:50

Hi
im just wondering if IBU as my family say I am but they have a history of telling me i overreact.

My daughter is in the middle of her GCSE’s. On Sunday we went to a family party to celebrate her cousins birthday.

Today her sister woke up with a sickness bug.

I have since found out one of the children at the gathering (10 adults and kids in total) went to doctor and hospital friday and Saturday due to being unwell and dehydrated. Subsequently, their whole family came down with a vomiting bug yesterday. Nobody told me anything.

if I had been told anyone was ill I would not have attended with my daughters. The adults at the party were aware how important these exams are to my youngest daughter and chose not to mention the cousins illness prior to us arriving. They only mentioned the cousin being under the weather just as we left.

I am so disappointed that this was kept from me and also that no one thought it important enough to give me the option of not attending due to GCSE’s. I told a family member how sad this has made me feel and how anxious my youngest now is that she might catch this vomiting bug right in the middle of the exams. I was told I was being ridiculous and that she could always resit them another time.

aibu?

OP posts:
Original poster
Happyharry2003 · 04/06/2024 16:59

PollyPut · 04/06/2024 16:58

@Happyharry2003 I would have declined the invitation to the party due to GCSEs in the first place.

I expect your relatives may not have thought about this too much. Often relatives/friends without children do not know when the exams are. If they had thought about it then they obviously they should have warned you

Yes we should have done. Though they were all 100% aware of the exams.

OP posts:
Magicpaintbrush · 04/06/2024 16:58

Selfish fucking bastards. My God, what planet are they on? They should be ashamed (they won't be though as they are self absorbed arseholes). Your poor daughter. I hope she doesn't catch it - but the anxiety will be making this worse for her anyway. I'd be going absolutely thermo nuclear about this.

PollyPut · 04/06/2024 16:58

@Happyharry2003 I would have declined the invitation to the party due to GCSEs in the first place.

I expect your relatives may not have thought about this too much. Often relatives/friends without children do not know when the exams are. If they had thought about it then they obviously they should have warned you

Original poster
Happyharry2003 · 04/06/2024 16:51

3luckystars · 04/06/2024 16:35

Well I noticed it a lot, people do something to you, you can explain it away and even accept it, but if they do it to your children, you can see the ‘wrongness’ of it, and all is revealed.

I do think you have a decision to make about them. You don’t have to suffer anymore.

I will. You are absolutely spot on. Thank you.

OP posts:
3luckystars · 04/06/2024 16:35

Well I noticed it a lot, people do something to you, you can explain it away and even accept it, but if they do it to your children, you can see the ‘wrongness’ of it, and all is revealed.

I do think you have a decision to make about them. You don’t have to suffer anymore.

greenpolarbear · 04/06/2024 15:58

It's horrible to do anything like that, people just don't care. This is how I ended up with (long) covid, from family spreading it and not telling anyone they had it.

HcbSS · 04/06/2024 15:40

Rainydayinlondon · 04/06/2024 12:52

Not a bit unreasonable. Your family are utterly selfish. Fingers crossed your daughter doesn’t succumb… hopefully the longer the time since Sunday, the less likely it is

Sadly not true because she will most likely catch it off her sister who I assume lives in the same house…or a parent who gets it first.

Original poster
Happyharry2003 · 04/06/2024 14:10

Crunchymum · 04/06/2024 14:08

So the poorly child didn't have a sickness bug?

But since the party the others have come down with a sickness bug?

They should have told you the child was ill but if she wasn't ill with a sickness bug then what were they supposed to tell you about the sickness bug?

Show quote history

Never asked them to tell me about the sickness bug. Just that they should’ve had said one of them was ill (been to dr/hospital - still unwell) knowing about my daughters exams and meeting up the day before

OP posts:
Crunchymum · 04/06/2024 14:08

Happyharry2003 · 04/06/2024 12:56

Phew thanks all! Just to clarify the illness didn’t present in the very young child as a sickness bug but as dehydration/temp but even so I would expect to have been given the choice. The fact the rest of them now have sickness, dehydration and temps suggests it’s all the same thing.

So the poorly child didn't have a sickness bug?

But since the party the others have come down with a sickness bug?

They should have told you the child was ill but if she wasn't ill with a sickness bug then what were they supposed to tell you about the sickness bug?

anon12345anon · 04/06/2024 13:57

I have a pretty chilled view with regards to GCSEs, etc- but honestly, I'm fuming on your behalf!
Fucking selfish of the family - and they know that, otherwise they'd have mentioned a child going to bloody hospital beforehand!!!

As I get older (+ probably premenopausal!) I don't have the capacity or tolerance for this shit anymore.....

YANBU - and don't let them tell you otherwise!

Hope your daughter stays well (+ good luck with the exams!) x

Original poster
Happyharry2003 · 04/06/2024 13:51

Thanks. The family know she has asd and used to have cyclical vomiting when anxious so know that the minute she gets worried she’s likely to feel sick. But I’m just keeping everything crossed now and setting up an isolation room for her at home now

OP posts:
spiderlight · 04/06/2024 13:44

You are absolutely not being unreasonable - I would have been livid!! My son sat his GCSEs last year and struggled with illness throughout (longer-term thing, not a bug), and 'just' resitting while his mates went off to college would have been devastating for him, never mind a logistical nightmare. I really hope your DD doesn't come down with the bug, but even if she doesn't, the anxiety about the possibility is an extra burden you could all do without.

Maddy70 · 04/06/2024 13:43

You are right. Totally inconsiderate. I would be livid

YesItsMeIDontCare · 04/06/2024 13:43

noblegiraffe · 04/06/2024 13:04

She can’t resit the exams.

If she misses a paper due to illness then they will use the papers she has sat to calculate her grade.

She may also be able to sit them in isolation, depending on how ill she feels. We've done that before.

Original poster
Happyharry2003 · 04/06/2024 13:39

3luckystars · 04/06/2024 13:22

After the exams though, think about what has happened and why you are asking for back up here, they are messing with your head and making you doubt yourself. When they were 100% wrong and thoughtless to do this to your daughter.

I best this isn’t the first time either.

Stop doubting yourself and step away from them if you need to.

😊 ah you’ve got it! Totally not the first time I’ve been made to doubt myself like this re family but it’s always been directed towards me about me. This is the first time it’s included one of my daughters so it’s why I’m totally going to reconsider everything with them now - well after the exams as they’re the priority! Thank you!

OP posts:
Kittybelle123 · 04/06/2024 13:38

This is awful, you are ABSOLUTELY not BU. To be honest even without the pressure of GCSEs I would rather people were honest and upfront about sickness bugs, but KNOWING that your DD was sitting her exams 😱

If you haven't already, invest in plenty of disinfectant and anti-bac wipes, clean everything your sick DD touches and keep the two of them away from each other as reasonably possible until you are all in the clear.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I hope you can be strong for your DD. All the best for her exams Flowers

Blueeyes13 · 04/06/2024 13:25

Sorry, but I think URBU. I wouldn't have thought to tell you that my child was ill if they weren't vomiting or high temp or anything obvious. Especially if they'd been to doctor and hospital and discharged. A bit of dehydration without vomiting wouldn't strike me as anything to worry about. On the other hand, my daughter is doing GCSEs now too and we've stopped all family visits etc so that she can concentrate on them. I hope you DD doesn't catch the bug

3luckystars · 04/06/2024 13:22

After the exams though, think about what has happened and why you are asking for back up here, they are messing with your head and making you doubt yourself. When they were 100% wrong and thoughtless to do this to your daughter.

I best this isn’t the first time either.

Stop doubting yourself and step away from them if you need to.

DowntonCrabby · 04/06/2024 13:20

You’re absolutely not overreacting, they are selfish and stupid.
Keeping everything crossed your DD is ok for her exams.

WindsurfingDreams · 04/06/2024 13:19

You are absolutely not being unreasonable!

Original poster
Happyharry2003 · 04/06/2024 13:18

Thank you all. All I’m getting back from them is that they didn’t think they needed to tell me about the ill child as she wasn’t being sick at the time and I’m making a fuss about GCSE’s. I’ve made it very clear why it’s unreasonable and why but need to just ignore them now and deal with that later. School have been very good already with advice what to do if she catches the bug. Even if she doesn’t, it will affect her as she’s so paranoid about being sick (she has asd anxiety based). Thanks for keeping me sane - I was beginning to think I’d lost the plot after being told how unreasonable I am being!

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 04/06/2024 13:15

YANBU! Shocking behaviour.

I have everything crossed your DD is ok

Jasmin1971 · 04/06/2024 13:12

You have been very badly treated I think.

That was really bad behaviour concealing illness. And really selfish of them.

noblegiraffe · 04/06/2024 13:04

She can’t resit the exams.

If she misses a paper due to illness then they will use the papers she has sat to calculate her grade.

FTPM1980 · 04/06/2024 13:04

Happyharry2003 · 04/06/2024 12:56

Phew thanks all! Just to clarify the illness didn’t present in the very young child as a sickness bug but as dehydration/temp but even so I would expect to have been given the choice. The fact the rest of them now have sickness, dehydration and temps suggests it’s all the same thing.

Generally you become dehydrated through vomiting....not just feeling under the weather.
What caused the dehydration?