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AIBU?

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Original poster

Family kept illness secret before GCSE’s

138 replies

Happyharry2003 · 04/06/2024 12:50

Hi
im just wondering if IBU as my family say I am but they have a history of telling me i overreact.

My daughter is in the middle of her GCSE’s. On Sunday we went to a family party to celebrate her cousins birthday.

Today her sister woke up with a sickness bug.

I have since found out one of the children at the gathering (10 adults and kids in total) went to doctor and hospital friday and Saturday due to being unwell and dehydrated. Subsequently, their whole family came down with a vomiting bug yesterday. Nobody told me anything.

if I had been told anyone was ill I would not have attended with my daughters. The adults at the party were aware how important these exams are to my youngest daughter and chose not to mention the cousins illness prior to us arriving. They only mentioned the cousin being under the weather just as we left.

I am so disappointed that this was kept from me and also that no one thought it important enough to give me the option of not attending due to GCSE’s. I told a family member how sad this has made me feel and how anxious my youngest now is that she might catch this vomiting bug right in the middle of the exams. I was told I was being ridiculous and that she could always resit them another time.

aibu?

OP posts:
Original poster
Happyharry2003 · 05/06/2024 18:05

Undethetree · 05/06/2024 17:51

How is your DD today OP?

Ah thanks for asking. She did her exam this morning in isolation with a sick bucket. Completed it. We then brought her home and she slept and went back in for the same again this pm. Have to say school were amazing - on phone to us a 11pm last night sorting things.

she’s back in tomorrow morning and Friday pm under same isolation conditions with one of us off work to collect straight after to avoid any cross student contamination. I have to say it’s all been incredible well organised.

had a gp online appt lunchtime and they’ve written and special circumstances form for the exam board.

orher daughter is still being sick periodically so just hoping we can get to the end of this week ok.

Thank you so much for asking

OP posts:
Undethetree · 05/06/2024 17:51

How is your DD today OP?

Justhereforaibu1 · 04/06/2024 22:51

Grendacious · 04/06/2024 17:09

If the child had actually been sick I'd be absolutely livid that they didn't tell me.

The fact that they were more just under the weather makes me sit on the fence as that comes and goes wirh children a lot and I wouldn't necessarily expect to be warned. Plus it's not definitely related to the adults subsequent stomach bug (although I agree it's reasonably likely). I'd find the attitude from your family upsetting as it's so dismissive of your upset. That said, you and your DD are the ones with the exams in mind and therefore need to be the ones to take appropriate precautions (maybe ask about illness first before meeting up, maybe even avoid people for the couple of days before just in case). Other people, even family just won't be thinking of her exams in the same way.

I agree with this 100 %

fashionqueen0123 · 04/06/2024 22:51

See in the morning if she can do it in isolation. We had someone do that. They had a sick bucket but managed to do the exam in an office. She may be able to do it by 9am. Better than not doing it at all.

Itsjustmyusername · 04/06/2024 22:46

I’m so sorry that your dd has caught the bug. Your family were completely out of order to bring a sick child to a family gathering at all, but the least they could do is let you know so that you could choose for yourselves. Your poor dd, after all her hard work.

Im sure you will be fully supported by the school.

LettersOfTheAlphabet · 04/06/2024 22:46

Are you sure she has the bug? Or might it be due to anxiety of having the bug iyswim? Either way I'm so sorry for your dd, last thing she needs right now 😪

Original poster
Happyharry2003 · 04/06/2024 22:42

DizzyDandilion · 04/06/2024 22:41

I am so sorry your family have been so selfish.
Put your energy to your daughter and I think I would be a bit distant with relevant family for a while...
Good luck and all the best for her.

thank you so much ☺️

OP posts:
DizzyDandilion · 04/06/2024 22:41

I am so sorry your family have been so selfish.
Put your energy to your daughter and I think I would be a bit distant with relevant family for a while...
Good luck and all the best for her.

PixieLaLar · 04/06/2024 22:37

YANBU
I can’t believe they would be so irresponsible!

Original poster
Happyharry2003 · 04/06/2024 22:34

do you mean I am ridiculous for going to the gathering? It was literally lunch with family to celebrate a birthday. In hindsight I wish I’d not gone and would not have thought twice if I’d know there was anyone unwell

OP posts:
allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 04/06/2024 22:29

@Happyharry2003 that is ridiculous!! no one in their right mind would take their children their if they were sitting serious exams at the moment.

Original poster
Happyharry2003 · 04/06/2024 21:08

ginnybag · 04/06/2024 20:49

Oh, poor girl. Why are people so thoughtless?

When is her next exam? You need to let her school know as soon as possible

9am tomorrow and then again in the afternoon. The a level choice ones. Have emailed school but doubt anyone will reply at this time. Will be ready to drive over first thing to speak to someone

OP posts:
Cupcake333333 · 04/06/2024 21:07

Grendacious · 04/06/2024 17:09

If the child had actually been sick I'd be absolutely livid that they didn't tell me.

The fact that they were more just under the weather makes me sit on the fence as that comes and goes wirh children a lot and I wouldn't necessarily expect to be warned. Plus it's not definitely related to the adults subsequent stomach bug (although I agree it's reasonably likely). I'd find the attitude from your family upsetting as it's so dismissive of your upset. That said, you and your DD are the ones with the exams in mind and therefore need to be the ones to take appropriate precautions (maybe ask about illness first before meeting up, maybe even avoid people for the couple of days before just in case). Other people, even family just won't be thinking of her exams in the same way.

No! They were ill. They had the bug. They needed to warn the others and give ppl the option of not mixing with you, exams or not. Op has since posted to say dc has the bug now.

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 04/06/2024 21:02

YANBU I would be furious

Cupcake333333 · 04/06/2024 20:59

Nottherealslimshady · 04/06/2024 12:52

YANBU you inform people of a sickness bug before socialising with them. It's common sense and common courtesy.
PILs once invited us round for dinner then told us it was the first thing they'd been able to keep down as they'd had it coming out both ends for 2 days. We started that evening.

I don't know if those people are thick or selfish .

Both!

JamMonster · 04/06/2024 20:53

YANBU - Poor thing 😢, I hope she feels better soon. I think you said the school have already helped but make sure she has a doctors note if she needs it to apply for mitigating circumstances. See if it can apply to the exam she took today too if she thinks it impacted her performance. An awful situation - I’d be fuming if I were her (or you)!

That said, I’ve been ill at exam time before (not vomiting though) and powered through with the exam, I did well and am still proud of my resilience - I used it as an example in a job interview recently. If she feels like trying then it might be worth a go, maybe discuss with the school what happens if she starts but can’t finish? Best of luck to her!

ginnybag · 04/06/2024 20:49

Oh, poor girl. Why are people so thoughtless?

When is her next exam? You need to let her school know as soon as possible

Original poster
Happyharry2003 · 04/06/2024 20:38

She’s got the bug. Heart broken for her. She’s worked so hard

OP posts:
Original poster
Happyharry2003 · 04/06/2024 20:16

Yes it was much more than under the weather. You don’t need to go to a&e out of hours just under the weather. It wasn’t even much a of a gathering - 10 people for two hours. Anyway nothing I can do about it now. She got through history ok today but tonight will tell if she’s caught it or not. Luckily me and my partner so far haven’t so hopefully it stays that way for her sake.

thanks again for all your support. It’s been a very lonely day personally so it’s been lovely having the online support x

OP posts:
PollyPut · 04/06/2024 19:30

GoingOnHol · 04/06/2024 19:13

just under the weather

Not sure I'd class being hospitalised as being under the weather.
@PollyPut a couple of hours relaxation in the midst of exams is acceptable, and would have been a nice break from revision

@GoingOnHol Totally agree that a couple of hours relaxation in the middle of exams is acceptable. That's not the reason I would have declined though; it would have been caution. The risk of illness from a busy gathering would have concerned me. In the same way that when one of my DC recently had an exam, we chose not to eat in a crowded restaurant with a bunch full of strangers the day before it but sat outside instead. I know quite a few people who've had covid again recently and that feeling of caution I gained during covid has somewhat stuck around our house.

Oh, that and the fact that I tend to find family parties are impossible to leave after just a couple of hours, however hard we try...

OP is not BU. Resits are really not desirable - the only ones that can be done in November are maths and english. Don't suppose the relatives considered that when they made that comment.

GoingOnHol · 04/06/2024 19:13

just under the weather

Not sure I'd class being hospitalised as being under the weather.
@PollyPut a couple of hours relaxation in the midst of exams is acceptable, and would have been a nice break from revision

Yousay55 · 04/06/2024 18:53

My dd was violently sick before her a level exam and the school told the examining board & she got her expected grade.
hopefully it won’t come to this with your dd.

Grendacious · 04/06/2024 17:09

If the child had actually been sick I'd be absolutely livid that they didn't tell me.

The fact that they were more just under the weather makes me sit on the fence as that comes and goes wirh children a lot and I wouldn't necessarily expect to be warned. Plus it's not definitely related to the adults subsequent stomach bug (although I agree it's reasonably likely). I'd find the attitude from your family upsetting as it's so dismissive of your upset. That said, you and your DD are the ones with the exams in mind and therefore need to be the ones to take appropriate precautions (maybe ask about illness first before meeting up, maybe even avoid people for the couple of days before just in case). Other people, even family just won't be thinking of her exams in the same way.

Reugny · 04/06/2024 17:05

YANBU

Neither myself or my DD could see an old friend a lot before he died due to her catching stuff from school and passing it to me.

Personally in future I would stay away from these people a month leading up to anything important that your daughter has.

PollyPut · 04/06/2024 17:00

Happyharry2003 · 04/06/2024 16:59

Yes we should have done. Though they were all 100% aware of the exams.

Show quote history

If they were aware then they should have thought to tell you. Just get your daughter to lay low for the next couple of weeks to get through this.