To disappear for a while?

I think it sounds wonderful and not a waste of money at all. Not sure why people say things like that.

I think this is an excellent idea.
I have never been in your position but I did take our youngest child away when he was 11.
The two of us had a memorable holiday in North Yorkshire, we did some beautiful walks, I booked him in for an afternoon golf lesson, we watched a TV show with a cookery slot and agreed to cook the next day whatever they cooked.
A day in Whitby we watched the RNLI go and rescue a small pleasure craft.
We never ran out of things to do.
It was a great bonding exercise and the age was perfect, he hadn’t turned into a stroppy teen.
I hope he remembers it as fondly as I do.

Definitely do it, if nothing else so that you get a break from your in-laws.

So sorry that both your in laws and your friends are being so nosy and insensitive.

As for the comments around how you should spend your money, they have absolutely no right to comment. At all. Ever.
Whatever feels right for you and your son is the right thing. Your son might benefit from keeping in touch with / spending time with friends but as long as you are not away for the whole summer hols he can do that too.
So sorry for your loss. Look after yourself

That would be my worry, i am currently going through a separation (which i appreciate is totally different) but as i left the family home due to being my choice to split my son is struggling but doesnt tell me too much in fear of upsetting me until he is at the end of his tether with his dad. i think he is suffering massive separation anxiety from me so hopefully not too long before the house is sold so i cant even comprehend what you must have both gone through

I hindsight, my sons did a lot of that. Just telling me what they thought I wanted to hear, so as not to worry me. They both got themselves into quite bad situations by not asking for help, that I could have given quite easily, for fear of adding to my worries 😪

@Bendy75 Just realised you said your friends are saying it too. Turns are the worst for sticking their nose in. Likewise, tell them as little as possible.

They are crazily, probably jealous, you are going to do that. They aren't supportive. They aren't real friends either.

I agree with this as long as son isnt agreeing to appease you to his own detriment and he is also happy sod everyone else

@Bendy75 I was also widowed 6 years ago, so I know where you are. People do love to stick their noses in and say/ do the most inappropriate things.

I had terrible problems with some of my late husband family of origin, too. "Fortunately," for me being in my 50s, our eldest son took over and dealt with them.

Two of them are NC and will remain that way. Long story, but threats of violence aren't appreciated, and no, they didn't come to the funeral either.

Back to you, it's none of their business where you go and what you do. I advise you to tell them as little as possible from now on.

I suggest you say something like, "I hear what you say. However, we both are in m need of a break, so we are going. I understand you're grieving, too. However, I am only going for a few weeks, and I'll ensure my son is facetimes you or the like"

I suspect their is an element of control going on with them through fear, which plays a big part in grief. They may be scared of you being away so long, subconsciously thinking they are going to lose you and your son too.

You know them best as to whether they are just twats (like some of my late husband family) or this is newish type of behaviour.

Incidently, I got counselling through CRUSE U.K. It's a free non-profit, making service. You can ofcourse make a donation if you wish. I found it really useful. Link below.

It also helped me work through the dynamics of others and my late husband dysfunctional relatives. Granted, ours were at the extreme end however there services do involve talking about the dynamics around you too.

www.cruse.org.uk/get-support/

PS, as a widow you will be judged for everything you ever do, especially what you spend your money on and who you mix with. Do not give any of that any thought at all.

What does your son think? That would be my only concern, would you be removing him from his support network (friends and wider family) for most of his school holiday?

When my DH died, my sons talked to their friends much more than I realised at the time.

Sorry for your loss, OP.

Can I answer from a slightly different perspective? My dad died when I was 13. It wouldn't have been possible at the time because of our circumstances but a long break somewhere lovely with just my mum would've really helped.

It felt like there was so much going on, it all felt very claustrophobic, and it felt like there was no 'way out' of the shit that life had become. For me, I think taking time together to bond, to have fun, and to see that there's a whole life and a whole world outside of grief, admin and family drama would've really helped me.

Take care of yourself, OP. And be selfish.

I'm sorry for your loss OP. That's awfully sad. I can't quite believe your in laws are so unkind.

I'd say do what you feel right - but check with your DS what he'd like to do. A month is quite a long time to be cut off from friends when you're young.

Oh I'm so sorry - you lost three sons? That's horrendous.

Yes and yes it did.

I'm so sorry you lost your husband. It must be really tough for both of you.

It sounds as though your husband's family are jealous that your shared money is now yours, as if you wouldn't give everything back to have him with you. It's so insulting.

I think you're sharing too much information with them. How often do you see them?

Do what you need to do. My in-laws (adult step kids) were bloody awful to me when DH died.

I stuck two fingers up at them, and shunted them out of my life.

Condolences on your loss. 💐

As others say it's up to you

But Why do they say it's a bad idea ?

I'd be worried for a friend doing this - without someone on hand to support / hug

Lost my partner nearly 2 months ago. 14 yr old son. Absolutely go away. Ignore the disapproval. If they truly cared they would support you in doing something that you believe you would really help you and your son. Get him involved in what he'd like and not like to do and where. Go for it right now before booking and prices become really difficult. Much love to you. X

Do it.

When my three sons passed away, I booked a holiday a few weeks afterwards and went away. Best thing I did for myself, helped me feel a bit more normal.

Do what you need to do @bendy75 . These people telling you it's a bad idea aren't even wearing your shoes let along walking in them, what would they know.

If there's ever a time you're allowed to be 'selfish' (not that what you want to do is selfish!) it's now OP. What other people think isn't important here, doing what feels right for you and your son is what matters. Other people are of course grieving your DH too but that doesn't mean they get to dictate how you grieve

I can’t advise about the holiday, but the money is none of your in-laws business. It’s not your husband’s money, it’s yours, and your choice on how to spend it.
I hope you have the best summer you can x.

Do whatever works for you and your son everyone grieves differently and yours sounds like a great idea.