more finicial help for single parents?

well, that does sound a lot more balanced than some of the language in your previous posts. I agree, it is disappointing when our children don't get everything we want for them, but it does sound like you have a plan to find the money, if you decide it is worth it - it might not be you know! Do check up carefully on what the trip involves, and if it really would benefit your child.

She is in the UK. So it’s natural to relate where you are in relation to those immediately around you. It would make zero sense for her to compare her situation with a family living in a slum somewhere. These ‘global’ comparisons feel irrelevant in the day to day hardships of a single mum in the Uk right now.

And the OP is hardly playing victim. She is working as a nurse doing 14h shifts looking after three kids. She is entitled to feel let down by the systems and her ex when she is trying her best. When we can’t do something for our kids, it hits most decent parents a lot, whatever the context.

I am not a fan of toxic positivity and shaming which just come across as unsympathetic.

everybody is "relatively" disadvantaged compared to somebody else.

No, I have no problem with grumbling and complaint - I have an issue with the OP assigning herself and her children some sort of victimhood which is purely imaginary - and possibly imposing this on them too - they will grow up with a nasty chip on their shoulder if she does that, and then they will probably never be happy with anything in life.

Fine to grumble and complain a bit, not fine to think of yourself as seriously "disadvantaged" when the reality is you are in the top 10% of advantaged , globally.

Cms needs a total overhaul and to use the powers it has to deal with feckless men.
Men should be in prison for evading paying.
Makes me so mad the number of women prosecuted for not paying tv license when men just fuck off owing thousands to no recourse.

I think the answer is a better system to make sure men pay for their kids, although I don't know exactly what that system would be. There are definitely too many loopholes and ways to avoid it if someone is of that mindset though.

On a practical note, are you sure your UC calculation is right? I earn a bit more than you with 2 DC and rent and still consistently get a few hundred a month.

You’re anti-car, that’s fine, I get it but I’m more in favour of changing the cultural acceptance of fathers walking away being a higher priority

You really are sprinting to the bottom. The OP should not complain because there are kids whose parents are prison? I hope you never complain about anything in that case.

Her kids are relatively disadvantaged financially compared to their peers who can easily afford the trip. That’s all she is saying.

I have a husband, car and my kids have been able to afford most (not all) trips. They are more advantaged financially in that regard than the kids of the OP and that’s just a fact.

I agree either way you that it's very unfair as 2 parents could work part time earning 20 k each and bring home more. It's definitely much harder for one person on their own. Or for example if you did work the 63 hrs you suggested then if you had a partner they could at least cook/ clean for you whilst you did that so being a single parent is so much harder.

Could you:
Borrow it from the eldest? Or borrow some of it and pay it back with the same interest he would get in a savings account so it would actually help them save. I did this with my eldest recently and he thought it was a great idea as he made some money.

In terms of jobs- I agree you don't want to disadvantage them and your children deserve the same chance to not work as other teenagers. But my son started volunteer work in a pharmacy when he was 14 and they took him on and started paying him at 15. He keeps the money and buys all the little things he wants/ needs. It isn't disadvantaging him as the pharmacy is linked to what he wants to do in the future hence the work experience.

Or sadly write this one off but find out if there is another one and save for it or find a similar educational trip you can do with the child in the holidays that might be free or cheaper.
So, not the same at all but I grew up in a family on benefits/ free school meals but trips weren't free at that time so me and siblings generally didn't go but my gran paid for each of us to go on one (expensive) trip each at secondary school. We didn't feel we missed out on the others, we remembered the one we did go on.

Anyway you are setting a great example for your children doing your degree and a worthwhile job.

sure, cars are a necessity in some situations, but this whole cultural acceptance that car ownership is the default norm, seriously has to change. I have never driven, and I have planned my life accordingly. It had never been an issue. A lot of car ownership is just irresponsible and selfish. Anyway, not the point of the thread -as the OP clearly can manage without a car, and is doing, and more people should!

Do you know that every area is different? Cuts to rural services means some areas have two buses a day. That makes it impossible for many. And a nurse with antisocial hours needs a car even more. Blame the shit public services. Not the workers needing a car.

I live in London and we have great public transport. I am not silly enough to think all areas are like this.

@cannonballz I stand by what I said. You have completely missed the point about absent fathers, and whether like it or not, cars are an absolute necessity for a lot of people to be able to work, not a privilege….how else would I get home when my shift finishes at 2am? My husband works 70 miles away with no transport links, he car shares, but it still means we need 2 cars or WE CAN’T GO TO WORK….hardly an unusual situation

OP that sounds tough. No way could I support three teens easily on that income. Of course you want them to focus on their studies. And socialising and tech are vital at this age.

And let’s not forget you are working as a nurse. The NHS is a damn stressful environment to work in, without the emotional and practical and financial needs of three teens. I think mine needed me more as teens than when they were babies.

You are their everything. Their dad is a dick. I have no experience or advice but I am in awe of all you have done alone. Your kids are lucky to have you.

40k is a fantastic salary. Not having a car should be seen as the norm. Having a car is an immense privilege, and disadvantages everyone else who has to live with the environmental consequences! Most teens can and should be earning their own pocket money - it is a stage in life they are more disadvantaged by if they miss out on!

I think so many people on MN are so rich and privileged, and don't even recognise how rich and privileged they are.

There is something seriously warped in any thinking that sees car ownership as normal and expected, when we know it is destroying the planet. There is something seriously askew in thinking teens are "disadvantaged" if they have to earn their own pocket money, rather than that this is a completely normal step forward into the grown up world

You do seem to be very much settled into role of victim, but you are not really. Not having a car doesn't make you some sort of martyr. I've never been able to afford a car, and have planned my life accordingly. I don't see it as a problem.

I am very dubious about teens who cant earn a few quid themselves, as well. I have one child who pocket money from the age of 8 singing in the local church choir at weddings and special occasions. Other than that, any 16 year old with a 9 in any GCSE subject can fairly easily find year 11s wanting a cheap tutor. it is very common now. Other than that, there are always pet care opportunities. One of mine advertised himself locally as a cat feeder, but ended up having to turn away more than half the requests he got , and settle for a few regulars in the end. That was the easiest work ever, and very lucrative. Then there is house cleaning, and again, settling for one regular couple of hours on a Saturday and turning away all other requests. There is babysitting of course. There is quite a lot available to school children, even outside of formal work.

I don't see where this sense of "disadvantage" is coming from. Your children are very seriously NOT disadvantaged. I really hope you have not been convincing them that they are. I think 99% of children in the country at one stage or other can't go on a trip they want because it is too expensive.

You have a high salary, and the option to do overtime, apparently. Your children are not disadvantaged.

They children who are automatically given everything they ask for money no object are actually far more disadvantaged than everybody else who has to grow up and struggle for what they really want.

And of course there are the children in schools who you will be totally unaware of, who are homeless, who are in care, who have one or both parents in prison, who are living in homes with benefit sanctions, whose parents have mental illnesses or addictions, etc etc etc - we have children in this country who are genuinely disadvantaged.

Your childfren are not disadvantaged in any way, except possibly by you convincing them that they are.

You’ve worded it perfectly -race to the bottom!

OP has got herself qualified as a nurse whilst a single parent with no support, financial or otherwise, from the kids’ father…yet we have people saying her teens are “privileged”…£40k is NOTHING when raising kids, let alone teens…OP has already said she had to sell her car as she can’t afford to run it, yet posters are suggesting she uses a credit card!

The issues are the utter privilege of a school offering a £300 residential for core subjects, with (probably) diddly squat notice for parents to plan it financially, and the fact that so many men just walk away from all responsibility for their dependent children….I don’t know what the answers are about these fucking useless fathers, but there has to be something which doesn’t involve yet another useless government run system for it.

I don’t usually respond to threads like this as it’s not something I have experience of, but this one has really got to me!

I honestly believe that state should fund resident parents for the actual costs of raising a child where the non-resident parent won't or cant but be able to extract the equivalent labour of the costs at minimum wage from the NRP. This would encourage men to pay rather than hiding their self-employed income or choosing to become STHP to their new girlfriends kids. You should have to pay for your kids neither the resident parent or the tax-payer should have to pick to up for you.

so you can pay for the trip if you up your hours for a few weeks?

Basic supermarket clothing is perfectly adequate. You shouldn't be paying more because your child wants expensive fashions and brands.

Give your child enough money to dress themselves adequately. They do it from cheap clothing brands -OR they buy less and have expensive choice brands -OR they earn something and pay the difference themselves and have more choice brands.

I did this for 10 years with my children's school shoes. From the age of 13 or so, I chose a cheap, adequate pair, gave them the cost of it, and they either bought that cheap pair, or added their own money to it and bought something more expensive they preferred.

Last I heard it takes two people to make a baby.

Men should be forced to contribute more to funding their children. In my opinion if they do not then the state should have the power to enforce payment or send them to jail.

However some women do not help themselves jumping into bed at the drop of a hat.

Yet another societal problem caused (mostly) by men. I know its just pie in the sky, but I don't want the taxpayer to have to provide more financial support for single parents, or for the CMS to have more power to enforce, I want men to do the right thing. I'm fed up with society having to come up with workarounds to counter men's piss poor behaviour.

Ok that’s seems fairer if there are real consequences. Which might stop someone. Who knows if it would.

At the moment cms do have extensive powers. But they don’t use them. Ex is self employed and owes 3 years worth of maintenance. He could just stop paying and I don’t have the funds to pursue.

Non-payment of child maintenance should be treated like non-payment of council tax or income tax.

For starters all these so called fathers who dodge it by going self-employed/leaving the country etc this should not be allowed. I agree with a PP the Government should pay it then claim it back from the NR parent through the tax system. If you don’t pay it you get jailed.

Child maintenance did used to be considered under income support .

it became disallowed as claimants were forced to apply for maintenance . Also due to unreliability of payments . It became discounted

I'd say the answer is a better wya to ensure the ex pays proper cms