To think being single is amazing!

'I have seen previously very happy single people when they were fit and healthy who get a bit older and possibly in poorer health, with nobody to advocate for them or help if they need it, if they get old or ill or go into hospital"

But there's no guarantee that people will still have a spouse or partner by the time they get to that stage. One will almost always die first, leaving the other one without that support.

Maybe I'm a hopeless romantic, but my experiences of being in a couple have been about the other person involved, clicking with them if you like. In the case of my marriage which ended in disaster and divorce, I know part of it was that on my side, but my ExH did a great job of love bombing so in retrospect I'm not sure if he was ever truly invested in me as a person, or more as a "trophy wife" (by which I mean he wanted a wife at any cost as he was a serial spouse, not that I was a special catch).

It was completely different with my late DP - we really were soul mates. It would be nigh on impossible for anyone to fill those boots, and it would be massively unfair to hook up with someone just because it's "better" to be in a couple by society's standards.

I've been unlucky and lucky in relationships, now I'm on a new path and finally realising that I don't "need" a man. I can't have the one I want, and I can't see anyone measuring up to him. Coming to that realisation and asking myself what I want is liberating.

If coupling up happens organically for people and they are happy then that's great. But forcing it due to societal expectation is a recipe for disaster.

I don't doubt that you are happy and fulfilled just the way you are OP.

When you get older though, priorities can change. I have seen previously very happy single people when they were fit and healthy who get a bit older and possibly in poorer health, with nobody to advocate for them or help if they need it, if they get old or ill or go into hospital. If they need help with personal business matters or house matters. At best they might have a helpful neighbour who can step in for an emergency but that's not the same thing. There's no guarantees even if in a partnership of course, but there are decent partners out there who can be trusted and leaned on and vice versa. Not all partners are control freaks who tell you how to wear your hair, and if they are like that then of course that's not better than being single.

I spent much of my youth wondering when was I ever going to meet that special someone? I dated and had a few relationships but once I hit my late 20s nothing. Saw my friends get married start families...
Finally took matters into my own hands and got married at 40. Wonderful man - couldn't have been luckier. Had two kids. Unfortunately he passed away suddenly when I was 47. On my own since.
So now (60s) I feel I've had that big love and I don't feel the need or pressure to couple up. A few people asked me early on when I was going to 'put myself out there' but like what , there was no queue at my door of willing bachelors happy to take on two little kids! I was open to a new relationship but it just hasn't happened. And I'm totally fine with that. Getting a romantic partner would certainly add excitement but it would be on a totally independent basis - I certainly don't want to live with anyone. I look at my friends and a third would probably leave if they could afford too, a third are content enough bumbling along with their husbands who are more like companions, and a third are still 'in love' and good teams who still find the romance ongoing.
I did not feel this way at your age. But then I didn't have any bad experiences like it seems you may have had? But being happy in whatever circumstances you find yourself in is great.

I’m a similar age to you and I absolutely love being single.

I sometimes can’t believe my luck that I no longer have to live with a man and deal with the inevitable drama/anguish/chaos of a relationship.

I’ve been single for 9 months, and while I can see my views softening somewhat in the future, it really would have to be for someone very special who adds to my life, not detracts from/disturbs my peace.

I’m in my 50’s and very happily single. I had a long marriage which only went wrong towards the end and my ex H is still a good friend.

I wouldn’t live with a man again if you gave me a million quid - well I might take the money and make him stay in the spare room 🤣🤣

My experience seems very different to a lot on here. I’ve never had any negativity or judgement about being single. I’ve got a great mixed social group - singles and couples - and i absolutely love the fact my space and time is mine

My DS is an adult and as much as I love him I’m pleased my wife and mum years are behind me and it’s my time now

I’ve had a few dates in that time but I’m just not interested. I’d rather have nights out, weekends away and holidays with girl friends than a man.

And I’m not justifying if or convincing myself. If you’d asked me 10 years ago then I’d have probably said I couldn’t understand being happily single but having lived this life for several years, I can’t imagine being in a relationship again.

There are also lots of needy men and women out there who can't cope unless they're being take care off. So they jump from relationship to relationship. They only care about themselves.

Look at you with your sweeping generalisations! 🤣
Im so very sorry for you my dear if that’s how you feel and you need a relationship to keep you happy. FYI -if you’re not in a relationship, it doesn’t mean you “have nobody” or are lonely.
Im single half a decade now and it’s been the happiest time of my life 😘

Well I pity you, because you rely on somebody else to bring you happiness and either you or your partner are destined for a future of misery when one has to live without the other.

It’s not in my nature to say mean things like that - but if you dish it out, you can expect some back.

Some people love their own space and can easily function alone. Im like you too. Others can't, and need someone to bounce off/security/companionship/love/fit into society...I don't know.
The sympathy thing gets to me. If I wanted a boyfriend/husband, I could get one. I always feel suffocated and irritated in relationships. Ppl just need to accept that certain people genuinely just want to be single. I LOVE my life. Most of my partnered friends are always p*ssed off.

Because not everyone feels that way.

Some people would rather be in a relationship than be single. Some people think it's impossible to be fully happy if they aren't part of a couple, and seem to think that those of us that would prefer too stay single are deluding ourselves.

But funnily enough, not everyone is the same.

The people who do that are the ones who aren't happy being single. Not everyone is. Some of us are. I've never been on a dating app in my life.

I think this is societal expectations. It took me years to wrap my head around the fact that being single is rather nice.

One of the biggest lessons Iv learnt in my life is that I am far far better off single than in a relationship. It’s a myth that we need to be coupled. The only bit of relationships that I feel is beneficial overall is the financial side. The rest? Bad outweighs the good. Good for you OP, society taught us wrong.

LOL

For me, having been in a relationship where we didn't crowd each other at all, and having been single, it's a tiny difference which makes a huge difference. When in my LTR, if I wanted to go to Rome, I had to at least consider for a second my DH. Even though he would have said yes. Now, I see a flight to Rome on my phone, I can book it immediately. It's freeing.

You do have to compromise to a certain extent, even in a great relationship. You have to be considerate of their feelings. If you live together, you have to be in agreement on things like decorating. If you have children together you can't just decide to go on a holiday and leave the other parent without discussing it first.

I was happy single and happy married but if being single is so desirable I am not sure why people are desperate to go from one relationship to the next sign up to heaps of dating apps etc.

I'm married with kids, met Dh at Uni. But I always thought being single would really suit me, I always visualised myself living alone and I never get lonely. I find living with others really really difficult. Unlike most people my age when I met DH I was very reluctant to do couple things and really struggled with the knowledge that I met my life partner too young. When I knew we were getting serious I was really down about it and couldn't decide what to do. We broke up for a while but it was silly. We loved each other and I was clinging onto a fantasy of travelling and living alone that made no sense. The good thing about all this is we had a huge amount of independence in our relationship, dh understands I need time alone and I can go on weekends or holidays. I hope when my kids get a bit older we fall back into that 'independent but together' relationship we once had. If we do then that's what makes me happy. Most relationships sound oppressive to me. Despite our opposite circumstances I totally get you OP!

Being with someone really does require so much compromise and I know that if I was ever to divorce, I'd never live with someone again.

But why all the compromise?

I think a growing number of people want this @dollandstep . I certainly do. It's a luxury not normally achievable in one's twenties when you need a combined salary to live. But, 50 ish, when you no longer need to be joined, given the choice, many don't want to be.

It's interesting reading this. I am happy in a relationship but I also enjoyed being single. The idea that people in relationships somehow can't have freedom of choice, go on holiday in their own when they want to etc is bizarre to me. I am independent but enjoy having a partner who is also independent and does his own thing, we trust each other completely and give each other space. It doesn't have to be awful!