To think being single is amazing!

I was single from 27-35 and for the most part loved it and had a great time! The last couple of years I had more of a yearning to meet someone, settle down and have a family which luckily ended up happening, but those single years were awesome! I thrived at work, had a great social life and upgraded my house twice!

I can go on holiday with DS wherever i want to, why wouldn't I?
I can even go alone, or with DH - and I personally prefer to go with another adult, but I take the kids alone occasionally.

I am not with someone I fundamentally disagree with, we are on the same page - or we wouldn't be together in the first place - I don't think the colour of the living room has ever been a discussion.

On the other hand, I can ask for someone's opinion, I have someone with a different view sometimes and it's so much easier when dealing with the kids.

My life is much easier being in a relationship, and I am happier.

Again, I couldn't care less if someone else is single or not. I don't list all the things I think are wrong about being single - because frankly I don't care - and I don't agree when someone is trying to make a list of the things that must be a negative in my life. They are not.

I think your relief is specific to the negative relationship you were in.

That said singledom can be liberating

How about the physical side of a relationship? If that aspect of things matters to a person it can be a huge driver to couple up, I think. I miss the intimacy that comes from knowing a person really well in that way, and feeling known by them.

Unfortunately I don't have much hope that I can easily find that again.

That's fine that you feel that way, but the issue is when people try and tell us that we can't possibly be happy being single because they're not. We're all different. I totally understand that some people are happier in a relationship and I respect that.

Yes, but I can decide to go on holiday with DS to a destination of my choice whenever I want. I can paint my living room whatever colour I want.

You could be in the best relationship in the world but when it comes to big life choices, finances, etc you have to discuss these things with your partner. Or at least you would do in a healthy respectful relationship!

I don't want to do that. All decisions in my life are mine and mine alone.

I agree.

I think more and more women are realising that being in a relationship isn't some holy grail like it's made out to be.

Last time I was long term single I decided to date and looking back I shouldn't have. I should have just plowed even more time into my already good health and social life. Coming out of that relationship I am now resolutely single. Being in a relationship always costs me too much personally, whereas single I thrive.

I'm not a big fan of being single myself. But I want to be like these ladies who have embraced it. Surely that's something we should encourage rather than people saying things like, 'I pity you.'

Sometimes people when in a relationship think they are 'safe' from anything bad. Relationships and marriages can end for many reasons. Being able to embrace being single whether you choose it or it happens to you is an important thing we should encourage.

If you have children together you can't just decide to go on a holiday and leave the other parent without discussing it first.

that's an entirely different subject.

when you have children full stop, you don't have the same freedom regardless. You can't decide to go on holiday without arranging childcare even if you are single!

Discussion is based on conflicting opinions though. Plus, this is had been shoehorned into the AIBU topic.

I find being single incredibly lonely.

Depends if it's an unwanted opinion, why would anyone care if someone else is in a relationship or single is beyond me frankly

Different if it's in reply to pity posts about someone feeling sorry for "anyone" in a relationship because they must be miserable, have no freedom, no personality and pretending to be superior because you are single.

Either judgmental sides are annoying, and wrong.

I've been single for years and years and it's now my preference. I love everything about it, except the fact that it's so expensive and the fact that politicians only care about hard-working families and so forget we exist. 😂

Women now have money, jobs, cars, their own properties. They don't need the support.
I do worry a little bit about old age and being single but everyone does, even married people. Nobody wants to cross the aging bridge.
Many people are dumped in nursing homes eventually -married or single. Having a spouse/children doesn't guarantee you'll be taken care of unfortunately. I'm living in the now as I can't control the future.

This.

When lots of people talk about compromise, it doesn't need to be around major things but all the little decisions that make up everyday life. There's a constant negotiation required in married life (esp with children) even in the most supportive and healthy relationships that just wouldn't be required if single (of course if there's kids there's still coparenting, but that's a different thing).

Why do people have to s* on women who are happy single?

I dont understand that at all.

Some people may be in for a shock if they find themselves single again one day.

And also completely wrong

Oh I know, but that's another thread altogether...

I suppose its a good question though. Is the desire for an uncompromising single life a good enough reason to leave a marriage or relationship?

I must admit that a situation where my time and money are all mine to decide what to do with, my house mine to decorate, my evenings my own, my own mess to tidy, decisions on social life, holidays or other life luxuries etc are mine alone, not having to worry about the health of the relationship or differing approaches to things, dynamics of in-laws and so on, does sound pretty appealing to me.

Does that then mean my marriage is doomed? I honestly don't know the answer.

I've had decent relationships, with men who were great, still in touch, still friends, I've had bad ones too, though they're not the reason I choose to stay single, it's because I prefer it. I have relationships in my life, I have family and friends, I have animals - they all add something positive and good to my life and I don't feel the need to, nor want to, compromise on my living space and the way I live my life because I'm happy as it is.

I think people who insist that everyone must be happier in a couple with the right person are probably projecting because they fear being alone, I don't, I like my own company, I don't feel lonely, I don't feel deprived, I'm just me and getting on with my life how I like it - if some people can't do that, well that's fine too but really, projecting your feelings that you could never be on your own and telling someone else that they are wrong because they are and happy about it and designed it that way is narrow minded.

YANBU to feel whatever you think and do what makes you happy.

I loved dating when I was younger, harmless fun with no string attached.
I somehow ended with serious relationship, I would never stay in one that doesn't make me happy. I completely agree with things happening organically.

There's nothing I couldn't do or be because I am not single, it makes no difference on that level - apart from dating, but I I have grown out of that stage for now

My time and money are my own. I am in control of everything, I don't have to compromise on every detail.
I don't have to hear unsolicited opinions on how I should wear my hair, or what I should wear. I don't have to worry about someone cheating, physically and/or emotionally.
I don't have to worry about someone suddenly leaving or getting bored or whatever.

that sounds like you were in an abusive relationship frankly, I have never had any of this!

Very interesting thread. I am married 34 years and childless. DH is older so Il ow it is likely I will be single again at some point. Awful though it would be to lose him I have no intention of ever looking for another relationship. I know I can live alone. I have good friends and family.

My mother had been a widow for 39 years when she passed away aged 93. She continued to live a full life.

I wouldn't want to be single again. It was great fun when I was 19 but I married the right man and I wouldn't swap that for anything, even a £million.

And the few single friends I have talk about nothing but themselves; everything is about them, gets quite boring after awhile. And none of them are single by choice.

Patronising and rude.

If coupling up happens organically for people and they are happy then that's great. But forcing it due to societal expectation is a recipe for disaster.

Absolutely 💯 agree. If you meet someone and it works then great but do it fir the right reasons rather than because of other peoples judgement.

And in my experience being single especially at a more mature age is becoming more and more normal and not at all unusual

As I previously stated, I could get a boyfriend/partner/husband if I wanted....anyone could.
But what I find strange is that a previously single friend has gotten married. Her dad flipped at her when she was close to 40 and told her to cop on, stop drifting, & find someone. Year and half later, she's married and very stressed (happy? I don't know).
I gathered from her tone and conversation, that there is an air of judgement and superiority in her words towards her single friends. Like she has pity for us, and her other single friends are having difficulty accepting she is now married, whilst we'resingle? It's all very irritating.
She married a 40 year old widowed man who has a 4 year old daughter. She doesn't like his daughter. I just couldn't live like that.

My grandmother died when she was 74 and my grandfather is now alone, they were together over 50 years. One partner will usually die before the other.