To think being single is amazing!

I haven’t been in a relationship for years (I probably don’t even know how to ‘snog’ anymore lol). I really have no plans to have a relationship ever again. I have my grown children, my dog and friends (most of whom are not particularly happily married). A partner never figures in my future plans.

Reading this thread has cemented for me this is absolutely an individual thing.

One persons loneliness is another persons peace.

One persons sense of belonging is another persons claustrophobia.

Etc

I can definitely see there are positives and negatives to being single and being in a relationship (a good, loving one) I guess like everything else depends on you as a person and what you want from life.

I generally enjoy being single although I do miss the feeling of "belonging" with someone. Sometimes when I sit on the sofa eating my dinner for one I feel sad but I have decided that although I like the idea of having a partner, the actual reality of having a partner is completely different.

My last boyfriend was a bit of a man child, I definitely don't miss that, or the snoring, farting and him going to bed early hours of the morning then festering in there all bloody day. I love the fact that I can do what I want, when I want and answer to no one. So yeah generally, I prefer being single to having a partner and when I hear about my friends moaning about their husbands I do think thank fuck I don't have to put up with that shit. I get cuddles and affection from my dog.

However, I do miss a man on rubbish days when I'm up early putting the bins out. Oh and the weekend when I was laying on my drive with my arm down the drain trying to unblock the bloody thing, I did wish at that moment I had a man......for about 5 seconds.

See this is kind of me. I do love relationships and as mine recently ended I'm very sad.

But one thing I've discovered is I'm really not bothered by sex. I like kisses, affection, cuddles. But in relationships sex is always something I feel I have to do - like a currency you pay to stay in the relationship - rather than something I want to do.

One positive is I don't feel I have to do that now.

Waste of energy pitying someone who is happy and content.

YANBU I’m in my late 40s and have been single for seven years. I have no interest in men or sex anymore. I love just being with my kids, family, friends or on my own. I did my fair share of hell raising in the past and have two failed marriages behind me. I like the quiet life now. It’s like I’ve settled into who I really am. I don’t want to compromise.

It mostly is amazing. I live in a clean house that smells great, I live the lifestyle I want, eat better, feel no pressure to get involved in activities that don’t interest me, and my environment is controlled and drama free, ie I don’t have to potentially deal with meltdowns etc after a long day at work.

HOWEVER I do miss the physical intimacy and sex. Some days I just want to come home to going to bed for endless cuddles and kisses, it’s nice. I dont get any fulfilment from casual sex so this part is hard to replace without getting properly involved with someone.

I also mildly miss the ‘default’ available person to go to a spontaneous outing - now I need to ring around and arrange - and the joint purchasing power. But those are minors.

Absolutely this.

I think whether or not people are happy being single depends on a few things such as your friendship group, hobbies and whether you enjoy your own company. I was very happily single until I accidently met my husband in my mid 20s. I had plenty of single friends, a good social life and travelled the world solo revelling in my independence. I was never lonely as there were always people available for socialising and actively looking for a partner never crossed my mind.

I think however there is a difficult period for single chlidfree people when those around them are settled with partners and young families and the socialising drys up in favour of them spending time with other young families. It's not a problem if you have a good network of people in a similar situation or lots of varied interests but I can see why some people feel left out when they naturally become lower down on other people's list of priorities due to family commitments.

But no relationship is the same, and some people’s idea of a happy loving relationship is stifling or controlling or neglectful to other people. Some people are just happy in no relationship, and shouldn’t be condescended to that they’ve “just not met the right person yet”.

It's good that you're happy single! I loved being single during the times I was!

However I would say that your comments around sharing time and money, comments on your hair and what you're wearing, worrying about cheating etc are all symptomatic of an unhealthy relationship.

In a healthy functioning relationship, you love and trust each other, are happy sharing your lives, spending time together is enjoyable and brings you joy and contentment, you're both free to be your own people but compliment each other when you're together and most of all, it's just easy!

I never had it up until my current DP but to find someone completely on the same page as you, who brings out the best in you and who just makes you happy being around them is the best feeling ever.

But ultimately happiness is the most important thing of all! Whether you're single or in a relationship, as long as you're happy that's all that matters. Life is too short to be miserable x

A lot of posters are kind of proving OPs point that some people will never fathom that being single has its upsides for a lot of people too. That it’s only a temporary stop on the way to coupledom.
@Broodywuz the clue is in the words “secretly and privately” - there’s an entire Reddit board called “regretful parents”. It’s got huge stigma attached to it, as your post actually demonstrates a little bit. Of course people aren’t going to talk about it until they know they can without judgement.
@MakeTheFriendshipBracelets, those are some interesting opinions for somebody whose username comes from a song called “You’re Own Your Own, Kid”. We must have interpreted that song differently.

@TheCadoganArms
I think it's a rare young woman (or certainly in the recent past, I have my fingers crossed for my daughters) who has such a healthy mind, and the finances allow, to not settle. Ironically because of societal pressure to couple up. Also the biological urge to reproduce. It is clear that many many women are tolerating any old dross such is their desire to couple up.
It would be wonderful for young women if societies default wasnt to feel pity for them, as a couple of posters have demonstrated on this thread, but rather embrace either being single or being in a couple, but only in a couple if it brings value to your life. Not just any old scum in a desperation not to be single. The more women who embrace and enjoy being single, the easier it becomes for those younger than us.

I am in my 60s, long-term married, and I often find myself fantasising about being single. I'm sure a lot of women do when they get to my age. I have two female neighbours, one widowed for many years and one who has never married, and I feel very envious of them when I see them swanning off for the day to do whatever, without the complication of a man in the equation.

Im happy you are happy OP - and you've found happiness being single, and being content that is the way YOU want to live your life. I am happy being married - with the two kids we have. Yes, it is stressful, yes i worry constantly, yes sometimes they annoy the absolute shit out of me, and yes, weekends are filled with football and drama and birthday parties where i am almost always on the move - BUT i love the fact we are a family, we have lovely holidays together, snd i love that on random days i get a little person or two crawl into my bed and we talk about anything and everything - most times silly things that in the real world doesn't matter - but it matters to them (this morning was how many weetabix would it take to fill my sons stomach - 5 he said!), i love that my husband makes me a tea every single morning, i love watching the children in school plays and sports days, and making silly costumes for them out of old sheets, and i love birthdays and christmas - the fact they still believe in santa! So yes, single life can be as amazing as you say it is, but so can being married and having a family.

Not being facetious but why would you choose to bring a man who requires you to 'run around trying to please' into the equation. It goes back to the not settling or compromising discussion. Surely any man you decide to enter a relationship with will be your equal and add to your life, not bring another layer of burden and stress.

@Circe7 I would echo everything you said there. I was in a 20+ years long marriage and have been single for the last two years. I spent 8-9 months dating but realised I was so much happier single and have deactivated the dating app and whenever a man comes up to me asking me if I'm single I say no. I had a couple of short relationships in those dating months and a bunch of first dates, it was all pretty disappointing. I have a circle of single female friends all in our 40s and out of 8 of us, only one is still on a dating app and is trying to find someone. The rest of us have realised we are happier without a man. If I ever did change my mind, like you, I would never live with a man.

100% agree being single is amazing! I loved every minute of it 😂 I'm happy in my own company, have great friends, loved the freedom. I wasn't sure if I wanted kids or not, but felt like I'd only get in a relationship if they were truly amazing because I didn't want to compromise how content I was with my single life!

I met a man in a nightclub and two and half years later we have a marriage, a baby and a dog. Life is very different now. Equally (if not more) amazing!

I would say don't rule anything out and do what makes you happy.

Really?? Having children is hard without a doubt but I don't know anyone who regrets being a parent. They are my world and without sounding patronising to anyone who doesn't have, honestly I didn't know true love until I had my first baby.

Seven years for me. Looking forward to when my circumstances allow me to have another dog. That's all the companionship I need.

Not even elder care...I've had quite a bit of illness and injury in my life - but if I'd had a husband, the poor sod would have had an awful time!

These people don't consider the strain for the person doing the looking after... or that they might BE that person!

Is it that they don't think of ever being very ill or they don't think how hard it is to care for someone who is ill? It puzzles me. I was ill a lot in late teens and 20s so I realise I might have a different view.

It’s depressing because it’s reality for anyone who wants to have kids and is single in their 30s. You are in the group who can’t afford to spend years being happily single without a risk of ending up without children (which is obviously absolutely fine if you don’t want them or are not bothered).

Im not saying this to make you feel bad. I was in the same boat- happy to go wherever life took me but mindful that I wanted to be a mum in the future and the journey to have the husband and kids that I wanted really had to begin soon. I’m now early 40s and very thankful for where that got me.

Yes. I agree with this. I have happily been with DH for 24 years and before I met him I was having a blast being single. To the point I turned down offers of repeat dates with people I quite liked because I was just having such a nice time. I would not pity anyone who is single unless they were sad about it. Do whatever makes you happy.