To not want DP to sleep in separate bedroom?

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 07/06/2024 22:57

Can you ask him to get into bed and cuddle you for a bit before he goes to the spare room (if you go to bed earlier)

CovertPiggery · 07/06/2024 22:50

FirstBabySnnorer · 05/06/2024 00:13

@MotherOfCrocodiles Yes, he's already planning on sleeping in spare room when baby is here because "there's no point both of us being sleep deprived". I have to go back to work at 16 weeks (I don't live in the UK, I get 12 weeks plus 4 weeks of accrued vacation) so I'll be breastfeeding and working and being sleep deprived and I already resent it. I'm seriously considering formula feeding (even though I would really like to breastfeed) just so he doesn't have this to throw in my face. I guess point scoring before baby is even here is not a great sign, big sigh.

Show quote history

I would say no to him sleeping in the spare room and leaving you to do all the nights.

What a selfish knob to think his sleep is more important.

If he tried it, I'd come into the spare room every time the baby woke up and make sure he was awake too.

Bloody cheek.

Echobelly · 07/06/2024 22:21

DH and I slept in separate beds most of last year until a friend recommended a mouth guard that works most of the time (not always if he's super tired or has had a few drinks). I can't wear earplugs due to allergies, and there is just no way you can accustom yourself to a loud, irregular noise that comes and goes.

Doone22 · 07/06/2024 22:19

Can't he just leave after you're asleep or would you wake?

Welshmonster · 07/06/2024 19:25

So long as when baby comes you can use the spare room
and he can do night waking too.

tell him how you feel. Can he stay with you until you fall asleep.

Peonies12 · 07/06/2024 08:38

This sounds like a very bitter and resentful relationship to be bringing a baby into. You need to be working together. I’d seriously considering some couples counselling before baby comes

Peonies12 · 07/06/2024 08:36

YABU. Let him sleep well, you’re asleep why does it matter. We often sleep apart, we get on much better when we’re both well rested. And plan to continue this once baby arrives, why should we both be sleep deprived, when he has to work and I can nap in the day

Itllfalloff · 07/06/2024 08:34

It’s temporary! At least he isn’t making YOU move

BeckiBoBecki · 07/06/2024 01:14

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Crazycrazylady · 06/06/2024 21:38

I think what the snorers will never understand is how murderous you can feel wide awake in the middle of night unable to sleep even while the snorer snorts away next to you . It's rage inducing in a way I can never explain. It would be nothing but bad for a relationship to ask him to suck it up ( not to mention impossible) so don't be tempted to do that thinking you're losing the connection , believe me when I tell you snoring only damages it!

Emmz1510 · 06/06/2024 21:12

Yes very unreasonable. There is no ‘sucking up’ of someone snoring beside you. Unless you want him to possibly murder you in your bed I suggest you suck it up….
Im joking obviously

Mamabear48 · 06/06/2024 20:50

Sleeping in a bed by myself sounds like a dream!! Make the most of it

ClonedSquare · 05/06/2024 12:43

My husband and I sleep apart because of his snoring. On the occasions we have to share a bed, I am utterly miserable and we end up sleeping in shifts. His snoring has got worse over the years, I genuinely don't know if our relationship would have survived if it had been this bad from the start. That's how bad snoring is.

YABU

Wotcher · 05/06/2024 12:35

I snore sometimes (apparently!) and it disturbed my ex, so towards the end of our relationship he’d start off in bed with me but I’d wake up alone.

Current DP doesn’t seem to notice or care, and he sometimes snores himself, but it doesn’t cause either of us a problem, which is nice.

But I wouldn’t want to disturb someone just because I wanted company, especially when it’s depriving someone of sleep. It wasn’t nice waking alone but I understood and didn’t cause a fuss.

FTMaz · 05/06/2024 12:10

FirstBabySnnorer · 05/06/2024 00:13

@MotherOfCrocodiles Yes, he's already planning on sleeping in spare room when baby is here because "there's no point both of us being sleep deprived". I have to go back to work at 16 weeks (I don't live in the UK, I get 12 weeks plus 4 weeks of accrued vacation) so I'll be breastfeeding and working and being sleep deprived and I already resent it. I'm seriously considering formula feeding (even though I would really like to breastfeed) just so he doesn't have this to throw in my face. I guess point scoring before baby is even here is not a great sign, big sigh.

Show quote history

Hi
I breastfed my baby but I did not have to return to work. I can not imagine the wake ups through the night of feeding on demand if I had to be up early for work. Could you express each day and get him to do some night feeds? My friend who also returned to work used to go to sleep at 8pm and DH would feed baby before he went to sleep to allow her more sleep. It’s not fair if you’re going back to work that you do it all.

yumyumyumy · 05/06/2024 01:13

Yeah I get the snoring but he's taking the piss decamping into the spare room once the baby is born.

BurntBroccoli · 05/06/2024 00:50

FirstBabySnnorer · 04/06/2024 03:49

27 weeks pregnant, I've started snoring (quite badly apparently and consistently). DP went to sleep in the other room last night and is now planning to do this every night. My snoring is keeping him awake...

I get it, I'm a light sleeper too. I HATE it when he snores (it happens very rarely). Ear plugs don't help, he's tried. Again, I get that, I'm the same!!

But...I just want him to somehow suck it up. AIBU? Probably.

I'm so sad. 12 weeks of throwing up 24/7, then PGP from week 18, I'm really struggling. And this just makes me feel so shit and alone, I'm so done being pregnant.

Anyone else found herself sleeping alone for the whole of the third trimester?

Trying to sleep with a snorer is hell!
You simply can't function without sleep and you will end up with no marriage if you try and make him sleep in the same bed.

Marblessolveeverything · 05/06/2024 00:24

I would be popping baby in beside him, but then I formula fed and did say duty while partner did night duty.

If you bf make sure he takes baby for when there's a decent wake window so you can sleep. You have to tag team either way.

Original poster

FirstBabySnnorer · 05/06/2024 00:13

MotherOfCrocodiles · 04/06/2024 23:04

Meh, he is preparing the ground that once baby is here he sleeps in peace in the spare room. Resist this!!

@MotherOfCrocodiles Yes, he's already planning on sleeping in spare room when baby is here because "there's no point both of us being sleep deprived". I have to go back to work at 16 weeks (I don't live in the UK, I get 12 weeks plus 4 weeks of accrued vacation) so I'll be breastfeeding and working and being sleep deprived and I already resent it. I'm seriously considering formula feeding (even though I would really like to breastfeed) just so he doesn't have this to throw in my face. I guess point scoring before baby is even here is not a great sign, big sigh.

OP posts:

Rookangaroo4 · 04/06/2024 23:20

I love my husband to bits but we’ve not slept in the same bed for years. I’m the snorer apparently 😂.

yumyumyumy · 04/06/2024 23:09

Being kept awake by snoring is tortuous. My DH snores like a train. Ear plugs, even clean ones each day cause infections for me
YABU if there is a spare room.

MotherOfCrocodiles · 04/06/2024 23:04

Meh, he is preparing the ground that once baby is here he sleeps in peace in the spare room. Resist this!!

Sahara123 · 04/06/2024 23:00

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 04/06/2024 22:31

100% this. ^ If one partner is keeping the other awake, then the obvious and sensible thing to do is to have separate bedrooms. (If you have a spare bedroom, which the OP does!) As I said earlier, I don't know why some people get so hung up on HAVING to share a bed and a bedroom. Lots of couples don't. Especially the middle and upper classes. Having your own cosy, private space, and lovely uninterrupted sleep is LUSH!

I used to know a woman (around 15 years ago,) who had been married 38-40 years at the time, and she complained EVERY DAY about her noisy, annoying, LOUD snoring husband keeping her awake at night with his snoring, and how she was SO cold because he hogged the duvet. Yet even though they had 2 spare bedrooms, BOTH with beds in, she refused to sleep separately, because 'what will people think?!' 😮

Utterly UTTERLY batshit! Putting herself through that torture for the sake of appearances. 🙄

Edited

Show quote history

And how would they even know!

Sahara123 · 04/06/2024 22:58

LondonFox · 04/06/2024 22:51

Can you tell him you miss him and have a cuddle in a bed so you can fall a sleep like that and then he can move to other bed?
And can he wake you up in the morning with a cuddle and spend some time in bed with you?

We had few nights per month of separated sleeping when children were growing teeth/grow sppurts etc. and going to bed together and then one person going to another room worked really well.
We are quite physical couple so sleeping together is part of intimacy for us.
Also, we talked a lot how we miss being together all night.

Don't worry about bizarre comments, somw people just don't get that what works for them is not the norm.

Show quote history

If we’d done that he would have fallen asleep in minutes and I’d have to move 🤣

Sahara123 · 04/06/2024 22:57

Honestly , when you can’t sleep because the person next to you snores from the minute they close their eyes it is horrendous. I spent probably the best part of 15 years moving from bed to sofa to child’s bed if they were out. I used to stress if we went away and there wasn’t anywhere I could move to .!What finally helped were custom made earplugs , and he got a cpap machine . Which sounded like Darth Vader to begin with , but they have improved over the years. Try to enjoy your big cool bed