Do your kids like going to school?

Of course it doesn't sound fun when you are comparing it to a fun day with a friend on a trampoline, don't take such things so seriously OP. If there was an actual problem or dislike of school, it would be obvious at other times. This is just kids essentially saying what a nice day they are having at that moment.

Lockdown showed that kids are mostly happier when they are going to school, they might take the good bits for granted and be a bit grumpy about the structure but being aimless for long periods doesn't lead to good mental health.

Your OP is the equivalent of being sad to come home from a holiday and concluding you would be happier unemployed. It's the adult's job to look at the bigger picture for our kids, that they can't see, not get caught up in transitory emotions.

DD (6) loves school and is thriving, but she'd still rather be at home! Similarly, I like my job but I always wish I had the day off. I'd be miserable if I didn't have anything to do though. We don't always want what's best for us!

Not really. She’s pretty much nailed it on the head.

Mine were ok in primary mostly - interesting topics, nice teachers and friends. But they pretty much hate secondary. Yes I worry about sending them esp one who struggles the most. I do wonder if current secondary schools are the right environment for them 😢

My DS in year 7 loves school, high school not quite as much as primary but still very happy. DD in year 3 has ASD and struggles with school a lot and hates large parts of it. School are great but it's really just too large and busy for her. Unfortunately it probably is the best option as all state schools are huge where we are, private schools don't want her, she's too bright for bases or special schools (and they're full anyway) and she doesn't want to be home schooled. I'm already terrified for when how she's going to manage when she gets to high school.

My DD is highly sociable and she loves seeing her friends, but she doesn’t love school. It’s rigid, the work is often not stimulating at the moment (year 1) as they’re pushing phonics and handwriting structure NOT a love of reading and creative writing. My DD values deep connection but struggles to be one of the herd of 30 kids that teachers have little individual time for. I feel the boredom intensely on her behalf and I recognize the free spirited, intense little child she is because I was the same at that age and school never really worked for me until I moved to A Level and could get deeper into subjects that interested me. I went from a bang average GCSE student (all Bs and Cs) to a top A level student (AAAB) in the right environment. I do wonder about ADHD as both my siblings have it and I suspect I do too.

On the whole, I’m just not sure that the current state school set up in many places is really that great.

Couldn't you have tried a different school first?

Oh I can understand how that made you feel sad OP. Maybe they don't actually hate it but just love being at home?
My DD is 13 and in year 9. She's always loved school. She's thriving and gets very annoyed if she's sick and has to miss school.
DS is 11 and in year 6. He's generally OK with school but he is incredibly shy and anxious so school has always been more challenging for him. I'm absolutely dreading him starting secondary school. This is when I think the real problems will begin.

It’s ridiculous. I think anxiety is high in teens now because they’re catching it from their parents.

I have read that anxiety is spread through social networks - but at same time despite some threads on here I don't think it's entirely parents.

I think school environments at least at secondary have deteriorated - teacher union here say the same larger classes more substitute teachers. I think some ND kids who bumble though like I did and like oldest child did are now really struggling.

Having said that current situation with my youngest was exasperated one kids parent - who has various anxiety related conditions including agoraphobia got involved and made everything worse between the girls - we said it would likely die down after half term and to think long term - which her siblings also told her - and it has bar this one kid who at 15 is being told she not allowed to be friends.

Bit of a life lesson for our teen she gone above and beyond to get her mate into school this past year - getting there early and taking phone calls - we only became aware when pattern was already set up as our teen mentioned it and fact school staff have been encouraging it- and first sign of not jumping high enough this friend and her mother have been a bitch to our teen.

@SkankingWombat where does OP say her daughter refuses school?

Mine loves it (Y4). She is autistic though and I worry a lot about secondary school. She is in a small nurturing village primary at the moment.

My DD is just turned 7, was crying all morning about going to school. She said it's so boring and she can't wait for the holidays. Are you really going to make me go. Eh YES!

She actually enjoys school she's just not very good at getting up in the mornings! Occasionally goes through spells of not wanting to go. Also thinks it's unfair that I have days off as I work part time. Tells me it's not fair and I'm so lucky to wfh!

Mine likes it some days, not others. But he has to go and get an education while also being socialised in getting along with others and understanding that he can't always do things he likes.

I also didn't like school sometimes. Oh well!

I completely understand homeschooling for SEN children who really can't cope with or benefit from the school environment. But for the majority of children, I think it's a very, very bad idea.

No really, no. What's being referred to here isn't simply a preference for not working, a common feeling in DCs and adults alike, but low moods, high anxiety levels and school refusal, often caused by the environment they are expected to work in.

In our family, DD2 loves everything about school. She of course would rather be at home if given a choice, but she never complains about school and bounces in happily every morning.

DD1, on the other hand, absolutely hates it. She is at middle school in yr5 and regularly cries at bedtime and in the morning about having to go. She loves learning and puts the effort in, has a great group of friends, and loves the facilities she can access there (eg proper science labs, specialist subject teachers). However, the noise and crowds are overwhelming for her. She struggles in particular with travelling between classrooms, where she gets bumped and jostled, and with the lunch hall. She is scared of DCs who have had violent meltdowns in the classrooms where she has had to take cover under her desk, yet they have been allowed to return to class after a few days' isolation. She is terrified of being shouted at and punished with detentions and demerits when she has made small genuine errors or has done her best but it wasn't seen as good enough. She recently had a late mark and was shouted at because she got her days mixed up for a SEN intervention (for anxiety, no less!), and was late for her lesson by the time she'd realised her mistake. She has ADHD and ASD but is also only 9yo, so really should be cut some slack in this circumstance as she isn't a persistent offender. I wouldn't be happy being spoken to like that at work in the same circumstances. She is also shouted at and given late marks in most PE lessons because it takes her too long to change - unfortunately her (diagnosed) hypermobility isn't particularly compatible with the stupidly teeny buttons of her school uniform, so it will be a slow process but she's trying! It all makes for a very stressful environment where any positives are totally crushed by the downsides. She spends her day in a perpetual state of anxiety. It is much more than simply preferring to be at home. She flourished in lockdown with homeschooling, but unfortunately this isn't an option for us long term so we muddle along as best we can. Moving school isn't an option either, as the others all have much worse reputations for bullying, behaviour and SEN provision. This is as good as it gets.

And how common is that?

It’s ridiculous. I think anxiety is high in teens now because they’re catching it from their parents.

DS1 generally really likes his secondary (Y9). But I know it's a good school- I am consistently impressed by their good behaviour management and massive range of extracurricular clubs. He likes seeing his mates, he likes PE, he likes the extracurricular music club he does with his mates (the music rooms operate as a little clubhouse for the musical kids, it's great). He even raves about things they've learnt in eg Science or Geography or English sometimes! (Never has a good word to say about French, but hey ho, you can't win them all).

DS2 generally likes his primary (Y4) , even though I have some reservations about it (I do not like the head). He's awaiting an autism assessment, but seems to bimble along fairly well. I think in school he plays well with his peers, even though we're generally shunned outside school- luckily, this seems to go over his head. He's very academic, which aligns well with the school's general ethos. He did say he was unhappy a little while ago, and I narrowed it down to the fact that doing lots of writing makes his hand hurt (he's hypermobile). His lovely form teacher did say he would be allowed to do his writing on a tablet, but now I hear that they're making him write stuff out by hand and then copy it onto the tablet, so I'm going to have to talk to them again 🙄.

It's varies over time with many variables outside my control - their teacher/teachers class mates/friendship groups sometime the atmosphere of the school - if they were struggling with the work even class size.

My youngest has been struggling recently as her friendship group kicked off about revision for exams and where they'll go after GCSE - but that settled so she gone in happier - but the school atmosphere is pretty terrible loud chaotic she really struggled with that earlier in the year.

Different teacher in primary next year it may be very different experience.

I do think it’s mostly that after half term feeling.

Our DC has mostly been happy to go during his school career. His first primary was a bit wrong for him in the end but he was still enthusiastic about what he was learning. The primary after that he loved and his secondary school. The sixth form college has been a bit big and impersonal. The main thing is that he loves learning even at the school where there was bullying, he could count in this aspect of school

Yes we are very lucky to have a great state girls school (non selective) down the road from us.

Both of my children love school. I think they're in great schools with lovely teachers and we often talk about how lucky they are. They love the social aspect and each have subjects that they particularly enjoy.

I do think school doesn't suit some kids in the same way that many adults don't like work. It restricts freedom and forces you to focus on things you might not be interested in. I do also believe though that you get lots of things from school and work that you don't necessarily appreciate until you don't have them anymore. Many of my schoolmates used to claim they hated school but now as adults look back at this time as the best in their lives. It isn't because they suddenly appreciate the maths they learnt or the essays they wrote but that they can see that it was a special time that was shared with peers. I feel sorry for kids that are whipped out of school these days and are isolated at home. I know home ed isn't always like this, but I think it's an absolute travesty when it is and is incredibly harmful to the children.

The school she attends had a teacher arrested (and charged) a few years ago because he lost his shit with a kid and physically attacked him.

But yeah, these bloody dramatic, lying little kids of course all the lovely teachers don't scream at them.

I can assure you they do.

My eldest (now an adult) hated school. I battled all the way through (and succeeded at every stage) to get him support for his Sen. He still hated it. Looking back I question was it worth it. Would his mental health be better if I'd home schooled?

My youngest is in fs2. I suspect he's also neurodivergent but he doesn't show it at school (masking very "successfully" 😔 for now). He likes school but I suspect that may change as the academic demands ramp up. I'm very torn as to what I will do if he goes the same way as my eldest did.

I suppose she is. Is that bad? She did have a lot of interaction with friends on WhatsApp and Skype etc. She certainly had lots of fun.

I worked with a new teacher who screamed at pupils; she definitely screamed at them. Great knowledge, not sure classroom control was her strongest suit. The students hated her lessons because they were afraid of her - not in the "I'll behave for her" sense, they were actually afraid of her.

If we had the option of a grammar or an all-girls secondary, DD would consider going to secondary school (she'd pass the 11+; she's doing GCSE work at home and loving it). All we have around here is comps with more of the same horrendous behaviour (I taught in two of them for a spell 😬) so she won't entertain the idea of going back to school.