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Original poster

Dealing with a Toxic VERY Difficult person at Work

87 replies

didficultemployee · 03/06/2024 22:17

Hey everyone, NC just to be sure this is confidential

I'm in a bit of a tricky situation at work and could really use some advice. I'm supposed to be working in partnership with a senior colleague. Technically, I manage this person, but we are both very senior in the company. Here's the problem: this colleague cannot take being told what to do. Everything has to be sugarcoated and glossed over. Additionally, their productivity is slow.

Anytime I try to address these issues, it turns into a huge conflict, no matter how diplomatically I approach it. I believe it's a cultural fit issue, but changing things now is not an option without first trying to resolve.

Does anyone have any tactics or strategies for managing someone like this? How do you handle a senior colleague who resists feedback, especially when it comes to their productivity and performance targets?

OP posts:
Original poster
didficultemployee · 03/06/2024 23:09

@CountryMumof4 not currently getting goals, although some of this was down to limited resources which could be argued is not their responsibility. But the way they handle it is not like they're looking for ways to solve it, and also their reluctance to part of the KPIs came out recently but i haven't said anything as i just figured the results are either there or they're not so I'll just wait and see - I'm probably taking the easy route but I don't have answers.

OP posts:
Original poster
didficultemployee · 03/06/2024 23:07

@CountryMumof4 sorry I wasn't clear but it's not really a partnership. It's definitely clear that I manage them but they are supposed to be a support

OP posts:
CountryMumof4 · 03/06/2024 23:04

In terms of their productivity, are they actually reaching their goals? If you're both senior, how long have you both been in your current roles and are they fully aware that you line manage them? I'm just asking given you mentioned working in partnership - which suggests equals. Did you go for the same role and are you 'telling' them, or are you framing it in a more positive way? I'll be honest and say I hate being told what to do, but I'm quite happy to be asked to do something. Fortunately, I'm in that position less now - and I'm always careful to make sure the people I line manage are comfortable with what they're doing, as well as actually getting the job done. If this is a fairly new situation, maybe it just needs some settling in time.

AreYouMeOrWhat · 03/06/2024 23:04

Many sympathies but no answers. I had this sort of situation and no management support and ended up leaving. Hope you have a better outcome.

Original poster
didficultemployee · 03/06/2024 23:02

Thanks for feedback. I recently overhauled to KPI's and that was met with resistance. Even to the point where I haven't sent them in writing because of the reaction - it just makes me unable to work. Someone said rather than telling people what to do, so updating KPIs is still an issue.

I think I need to make the KPI very firm and rigid and then leave them to their own devices and as another post said they either meet them or fail. At the point of failure if that happens then I will have to make to relevant decisions

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Peclet · 03/06/2024 22:54

Set goals and time lines and tasks and track them. Don’t be woolly. Be focused with clear directives related to KPIs and measurable outputs and outcomes. Surely you have tools for this?
Set out a matrix and deliver against it with task and finish groups?

saltinesandcoffeecups · 03/06/2024 22:52

You either manage this person or you don’t… that’s the first problem.

Once you figure that out then it will set the direction.

Moanranger · 03/06/2024 22:51

You really need management training from your company. The very worst way to manage is to be directive, and this is what you are doing. I don’t think a MN thread is the best medium for setting out different mgmt strategies, but might be a good idea to do some research yourself, for example, kpi’s, goal orientation ( not simply telling someone what to do.)
Good luck!

Mulloffuckintyre · 03/06/2024 22:51

It sounds like he doesn’t either realise or believe that you are managing him. So, I guess you’ll continue to get resistance at least until that is made clear. If you can’t get him to accept management from you I would let him be seen to fail. You continue to do your work to a high standard. If you stop wasting your time trying to manage him you’ll have more time/energy for your own work. I’d there someone above you both that you could talk to about the issue?

StormingNorman · 03/06/2024 22:50

I’m not sure you can change someone’s attitude. You can try motivating them and rewarding accordingly, but ultimately some people cannot take criticism and are unable to hold themselves accountable.

Original poster
didficultemployee · 03/06/2024 22:48

@Alittlelostinlifeisi They say they want to 'add value' but the issue is - their idea of adding value doesn't tie up with mine

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Alittlelostinlifeisi · 03/06/2024 22:45

Figure out what drives / motivates them and play authentically into that.