Dealing with a Toxic VERY Difficult person at Work

Honestly OP you are not cut out to be a manager.

The other person feels that.

If you want to be a manager start acting like one.

Be supportive and listen to what team members have to say but also be clear about targets/KPIs.

Have regular one to one meetings with all your team to check on progress.

This is really basic stuff...

And what do you mean by 'cultural fit'? you have to be careful that what you do and say also does not come out as discriminatory and personal.

i think the problem is that responsibilities and authority are not clear, even in your own OP it’s unclear whether you are line manager or not. A difficult person is bound to take advantage if roles are unclear.

So they don’t turn things around on you and call you difficult to work with/ bullying them/ setting unrealistic goals/ not supporting them when they undoubtedly don’t hit a deadline/ KPI/ under perform etc. If you need to involve HR or they involve HR you have evidence that covers your arse and evidence to manage them.

This person is likely to raise a grievance against you if you try and performance manage them - you need evidence of the conversations/emails in which you've set expectations for both.

As in they are aggressive towards you? If that's the case, you need to involve HR and performance manage and potentially discipline them. Underperforming and not meeting expectations is one thing but you need to deal with inappropriate behaviour.

You say in your first post you are "I'm supposed to be working in partnership with a senior colleague."

Which of the following do you think is closest to why you've been given this person to work with:

1. Your colleagues & bosses know this person is difficult and have given them to you to work with because they rate your skills and therefore trust you will improve the difficult person
2. Your colleagues & bosses know this person is difficult and have given them to you to work with to test you (or worse)
3. Your colleagues & bosses didn't give this person to you because they were difficult (e.g. they didn't know this was the case)

As how I'd proceed would depend partly on this

Do you have regular 121s with this person? If you aren't then I would suggest you start doing that weekly. Use it as an opportunity to talk with them, let them raise issues they have with you and it also gives you space to tell them what you expect of them as well. Make a record of everything you talk about and save it incase you need to manage them formally later. Have you spoken to your line manager about the problems you are having? If not you should, they might be able to help you.... I have seen it happen that for whatever reason a worker just doesn't respect their line manager but will be the perfect worker for a different manager 🤷🏽‍♀️

Document EVERYTHING.

How long have you worked with this person, and are they older/younger than you?

I have a new boss, who is much younger than me, and disregards my experience in my post and method of working. Outcomes are good, but my way of getting to them differs from theirs. Their immature approach to managing people shines through.

It might not tie up with yours but it obviously does (or has done) to the company if they are senior? What value can they bring? Their productivity may be slower than your expectations but are they meeting the needs of the job? I do think there is probably value in you reflecting on yourself and your expectations?

In my experience, senior people in organisations don't like directive approaches. You give your vision and red lines and then treat them like an adult professional and let them get on with it. Check in and set expectations obviously but just because someone isn't doing exactly like you would it doesn't mean that it's necessarily wrong. This is where diversity of thought comes in - be willing to compromise and reflect on yourself and your leadership/management style.

Maybe it’s a generational thing. I’ve heard some odd things recently. Like a friend’s company no longer limits time off at all, because gen z didn’t like the restrictions. 🤷‍♀️

I think that's a sensible way of approaching it. I've had a similar situation recently and it ended up being escalated to HR. Given I could show exactly what had been said/the extra support that was given/everything documented, it meant that they were fully on board with my concerns. It's definitely frustrating! Hope all goes ok!

That definitely sounds tricky. If they've got KPIs, they need to meet them whether they like it or not. It sounds like maybe a bit of jealousy on their part, or just pure laziness. It's definitely hard for you, as I'm sure you'll feel their failings will reflect badly on you. Keep a record of everything you're suggesting and implementing with them - if they don't improve, at least you'll be able to show exactly what support etc. you've had in place for them. Dates/times of meetings, a record of the tasks you've set them and any additional training you've provided and so on. Good to have a paper trail in place for if it's needed.

What?!

The very worst way to manage is to be directive

OP I recommend submitting this to Allison at Askamanager.com.

I think she will tell you this person needs direct communication, a chance to change and that ultimately they probably won’t work out.