Awkward invite to OW/affair wedding

Backstory wouldn't bother me at all, no ones perfect and its none of my business but if it bothers you then just make your excuses.

Agree. Definitely fine to say no.

@betterangels Harsh. I think giving people a chance and realising they might be lonely makes you a decent human being. The woman is clearly reaching out.

If after a few get togethers Op decides she isn't friend material that's fair enough. Maybe Op could introduce to her to others in the office. Nowt wrong being supportive.

@LordSnot
If you feel so sneery about associating with someone who has had an affair how do you feel about using Mumsnet given Justine (founder of MN) and her well publicised affair a few years ago.

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-11616477/Mumsnet-founder-Justine-Roberts-splits-husband-Ian-Katz-25-years-marriage.html

I am not judging Justine or anyone else who has an affair. It is not against the law and I certainly wouldn't use it as an excuse to judge someone without really knowing the situation.

Why in the world would you befriend someone because you felt sorry for them? That's patronising bollocks.

Anyway, it takes two to have an affair.

I would not go, neither befriend her. This shout drama all over! And I cannot be bothered.

Sounds like she doesn't have any friends to invite to the wedding. Now she's looking at the guest list, she feels embarrassed he has mates, and she has none. So she's trying to make friends before the wedding. If you like her then go for it. However if you'd rather keep her as a work colleague, then rebuff the invites and plan to go somewhere else on the same date as her wedding. Personally I wouldn't be friends with someone who had an affair, because she could quite easily do it to me. I did actually have a friend like that and I ended up ghosting her before she sabotaged my relationship.

It isn't a criminal offence. So you can enter any industry after being an escort. There could be issues if you were dealing with a former client if you became a SW etc, but you could put a good argument to the panel that you were vulnerable etc at the time.

I don't think that's fair. Women are set up to be vulnerable in a way men aren't. She has kids to support for one.

I agree with PP to make sure she is invited to some wider work events. Decline the wedding as you can't commit to anything that month.

What a weird thing to say. And rather judgy. Loads of people change jobs and careers, and I'm sure sex workers are no different. Do you think they go into sex work at 20 and stay till retirement age? She hasn't got 'former sex worker' tattooed across her forehead so I'm fairly confident she can go into the same industries as anyone else without it being an issue.

This.
I have on occasion said something about being happy to connect on LinkedIn but prefer to keep work people as purely professional contacts….

The thing about friends is you usually need something in common to talk about. What could you chat about with her that you would be interested in?

I’d steer well clear.

I'd decline the wedding due to a "prior engagement" but maybe invite her along if you're popping out for a coffee etc with other colleagues during the working day? Yes she had an affair and that was very wrong but she sounds lonely and messed up. I'm a soft touch though that wants to help people and give second chances...

This!

I'd be bright & breezy when declining all invitations - already busy, bit skint, saving for a house deposit, doing dry January (or Sober October etc), not going out due to feeling unwell etc etc. Just keep saying no & making excuses.

She doesn’t have friends because she has a secret life type existence. My limited experience with OW is they can’t develop friendships because they have to lie or cover up about what they do and who they see. They often are lonely because they have to be available whenever he is so can’t make plans. And of course often man is jealous when they are out with friends. As for the previous employment as escort..well to each their own ambitions. I would decline wedding invitation…sorry not available. It will end up being expensive maybe awkward and I think PP are not exaggerating when they say you as bridesmaid or hen organizer. In over time you get to know her better and like her the friendship can naturally evolve.

WWYD?
I'd decline the invite and be professional but distant in how I deal with her at work. Her having no friends is not your responsibility. Going to a wedding when you don't know the groom and barely know the bride doesn't sound like much fun. It's going to be a lot of expense for 2 strangers.

It's not your job to placate and humour this person. Decline the invitation and continue to work with her. She'll move on to the next person.

She has a brain does she not, "I am a mere women and not responsible for what I do" for god sakes what is it with women these days

if you want to go then go if not decline

A history of being an escort wouldn't prevent me attending a wedding or generally becoming friends if I liked the person, but condoning an affair would - send apologies as you are busy that weekend.

Just wondering what kind of industry you work in that a former sex worker can enter into.

Id decline the wedding, invite her to big events where your work group is socialising together from time to time and be too busy for 121s. Maybe go for lunch occasionally during the working day. She sounds a bit vulnerable to be honest, being that open about a history of sex work and telling you about having an affair and not having any friends.

Plead a prior engagement

If a work colleague who I wasn’t friends with invited me to their wedding, I would have just said no. I certainly wouldn’t have started a conversation to find out more about their relationship. You might need to be polite and professional with her because of your job, but you are under no obligation to be friends. However, you are probably giving her the wrong impression by chatting with her so much.

I would find reasons to be busy on the wedding day. Regarding future outings I would say that I prefer to keep my work and my social life separate (as thats what I already do)

I would not go to the wedding of a prostitute and someone who met their partner through an affair, I certainly wouldn't want to be friends with such a person.
I'd make an excuse about the wedding and about socialising with her on a one to one basis. Presumably if you socialise as a group with other colleagues she would be invited but you don't need to be the one to invite her.
Be cordial and friendly when you need to work together but there's no need to make her into a friend outside work. If she's lonely/ needy etc so what, it's not your job to fix her problems when you don't want to.