Awkward invite to OW/affair wedding

I think the morality police in Iran may be recruiting.

Seriously what a lot of judgemental and obnoxious arseholes are on this thread.
If you want to be friends with the woman fine, if you don't also fine.
Her past and her private life may not be what most of us would choose but perhaps we were fortunate to have different choices.

Sorry copy pasted thread by mistake - edited.

ALWAYS judge. Absolutely everyone does, there are people here judging you for using your own judgement.

Judging is how we stay safe. Completely ignore anyone telling you to behave in ways you don't want to . They get to choose that for themselves, never you.

People who demand no judgement are usually worried about being judged themselves, often for good reason. Demanding "Don't judge!" is a red flag and often used by people with behavioural issues to break boundaries.

Judging doesn't mean gossiping or causing harm but Absolutely extends to avoiding anyone you choose to.

Never ignore gut instincts. You've a perfect right to avoid entanglements with people who you find a bit dodgy. If you let her rope you in, it will be far harder to get shot of her later.

You have a right to feel safe and comfortable with others and a duty to yourself to not ignore your own boundaries.

Listen to yourself and ignore dodgy advice from the be kind crew, who will happily dump you in a messy situation, safe in the knowledge they don't have to deal with it.

I'm sorry, but I would be quite judgemental about this (not to her face of course) and wouldn't want to be friends with her. I am guessing that she has very little loyalty to other women. I hate it when people have affairs and tell me about it as though it's no big deal. I hate it because I know it would have caused a deal of pain for someone. She is looking for people to validate her actions and I am sure that she will be able to find plenty, so you have no such obligation. I wouldn't attend their wedding - unless I was being a bit nosy, but then you'd risk her thinking you want to be friends.

I would find someone trying to force a friendship (making it clear she wanted to start going for drinks etc with you) very off-putting. She may well have put herself in this position by having an affair however she may also have been vulnerable having worked as an escort. Nevertheless it's not your job to become her friend if you don't want to (I wouldn't) so I would just keep deflecting the invitations, mentioning how busy you are with home / family / work.

I definitely would have no interest in going to the wedding. Surely you have a family event that day?

Only read Page 1.
I became friends with a woman who was leaving her husband to go off with a younger man.
We knew all three before the affair started. We became closer to the OW, she had no friends and she needed someone. We did not aid or assist just talked and coffee.
If someone needs a helping hand or friendship be compassionate not judgemental.

...

I wouldn’t go based on the lack of an actual pre-existing friendship, but I do think there is a huge amount of concerning judgement on this thread. She sounds vulnerable. Young, ex-sex worker, with two kids.
Never been in her situation myself, never had an affair or been the OW etc, but I would not judge her in this way. People don’t always make the best life decisions or have opportunities to make good choices.

Point is - do you like her?
Do you like weddings?

If you do then go but if not make an excuse.

I wouldn't associate with someone like this. If this make me part of the moral police, so be it.
And yes, BOTH parties are to blame for an affair. Knowingly getting involved with a married/attached person is an anti-social act. You are actively causing harm to someone else - several people if the couple have children.

It's just a wedding, not an 'affair wedding'. Go or don't go but if you feel that your integrity is being impinged, best not.

Not to mention decorating the wedding venue and running a crèche for the children……

(memories of past threads flooding in from all directions.)

I'd do this too. I don't judge sex workers and prostituted women, just the men that use them.

The odd working coffee hopefully wouldn't hurt!

I do judge people who have big traditional affair weddings though! I've been to two, where I genuinely cared about the people in question. Both were a bit cringe at points, with the kids from the first marriage in attendance and having to sit through "how we met" speeches romanticising what was essentially a very difficult period of their lives where their mum got really hurt and their home life turned upside down.

I accept affairs happen and sometimes everything works out for the best, but I wish people would be a bit more flexible and sensitive. There's no law saying weddings have to follow the traditional format and tbh the best ones I've been to haven't.

This. I consider both parties to an affair equally as rotten. They deserve the worst and each other. Just say you have family visiting for that part of the year and lots of plans and be vague in case she suggests dates.

I'm clearly the minority (only one) but I wouldn't not socialise with this woman because of this. I'd treat her like anyone else and get to know her, I've got enough past sins myself (no affairs though).
I'd probably decline the wedding as I didn't know her well enough, weddings are intimate celebrations to me but I'd be up for lunch, dinner etc.

Just read that she was an escort for 12 years.

You have nothing in common with a person like that. Keep her at arms length.

Do not get involved. Lack of morals and an unsavoury love life has left her in isolation as her friends have dropped her
.
Say thank you for the invite but you are unable to attend. Invent an excuse if you must.

Then all further invites, just keep saying it's not convenient as you have hobbies, family etc

She will soon give up and set upon someone else.

She isn't actually interested in you as a person, so don't feel bad.

The person who owns the business you work for is your boss! They pay the wages. She might have direct managers but as the business owner you are everyone's boss.

Affair aside, this girl wants to strike up a friendship with you all of a sudden because she's getting married and has no other friends.
I would keep at arms length because of that.

The wedding is easier to decline than the lunch and dinner invitations in my opinion as it’s a one off when you can just say you can’t make it.

But re the social invites because you are friendly with other work colleagues you can’t use the “I keep work and my personal life separate’ line.

I would initially decline every invitation and if she doesn’t get the message just say something like “I’m sorry I’m so busy. Rather than both of us starting to feel awkward that I always seem to decline your invitations I will let you know if things change.”

Well if you are the business owner then you would be very wise to have a policy of not socialising with employees and can simply tell her that.

Never mix business with pleasure is a good motto in my view. That's the reason I never socialise with work colleagues because I am in a senior position and I might have to discipline someone which would be awkward if I'd been to their wedding or others might think I was favouring the person I am friends with.

It also makes it all the more odd that she wants to air all her personal stuff with her boss!

That makes it slightly different. Maybe she feels she has to invite her boss. It still doesn't change your position though. It is perfectly fine to decline and keep your relationship strictly professional.

I feel exactly the same about her. Thanks for asking.

Yeah doesn't sound like the sort of person I'd want to be friends with. Politely decline.