Awkward invite to OW/affair wedding

I guess if somebody has been in an affair situation for a number of years- they can neglect friendships in favour of being available. So she may be consciously developing a new social life and working on friendships. If you like her and have time for her then no harm in giving it a go. But if it feels a bit awkward then maybe give it a kind swerve.

She'll sure as he'll need you in a couple of years down the line, when he starts having another affair behind her back.
" Marrying the mistress leaves a vacancy"

If it's a big wedding I don't think it's strange.

If you don't want to be friends with her, it's probably better in the long run to just (politely) keep your distance and not encourage her. In my experience first impressions are right and you already have doubts or 'red flags' but I don't mean jumping to conclusions just more if you have your doubts respectfully keep your distance.

IMO you shouldn't need to be 'best friends' with someone to have a professional relationship with them.

Oh I do love this!!

i would make sure she has some support.

due to her previous profession, and a friend of mine recently coming out as financially abused (he was weird, but she lied her ass off for him) I do worry about abuse. No idea how to help out with that, but as business owner you can at least cite the family assistance program.

i can only handle 3-4 good friends at any time, more than that and someone is getting neglected. I’d thank her for the wedding invite, it was very polite And kind. But Decline based on what you already said - you don’t know the groom, or the couple. Then explain you do think she’s cool, or whatever, but just don’t have time for another human. You are happy for the occasional lunch, but don’t want to sound like you’re making excuses every week when you’re legitimately busy and others need your time that you aren’t willing to neglect.

then initiate the first lunch in a month.

then hope she finds friends by month two.

What does that even mean?

Why?

Well we get to the background of the situation,STEP BACK my friend,are you being sort of "Set-Up",for some,lets say future extra mural activities!,get the HELL out of their my Lady.Speaking as someone of the opposite -sex,and wary of this entrapment ,work yes out of work now F way thanks but no thanks sometimers be cruel to ber kind to ones self!

........or she is actually quite savvy and using you to validate and legitimise her upcoming union with the infidel.

By a work colleague (especially if you're in a senior position or of longstanding within the company) attending the nuptials it gives the appearance of acceptance or as aforementioned "legitimacy" to the relationship even if only in her mind.

Although you can't really decide which it is without getting to know her better. It's your call as to whether this is worth the time and effort of doing so.

You owe her nothing. Do not go. Not your circus, not your monkey.

Why "scummy"?

Poor judgement in a partner maybe.
Definitely lonely, thus the invite.

But nothing indicates malicious, deceptive, entitled, thuggish or kleptomanic behaviour.

Awkward! Friendship should come naturally not planning ahead 😂😂😂 I would just say I have a lot of commitments so will meet up if/when I can. Think you have already made your mind up that you don’t like her though so yeah difficult. Can’t be forced into friendship though

Wow. A former sex worker! Oh no! Shame the woman!

Having a realtionship with a married person! Shouldn't she be made to wear a special outfit so people know what kind of hussy she is?

You lot are a disgrace.

That is exactly what I got from this. I think she "wants" to cozy up to the business owner/OP because she thins it will elevate her status. I would have trouble wanting to socialize with someone that "eager" to be BFFs. I think it would lead to trouble down the road (and have seen it in action).

I wouldn’t really care about how they got together etc ( yes , cheating is wrong etc but you don’t know any of them so it’s none of your business or concern ) .. but , I wouldn’t go unless I was interested in a friendship with her . Mainly because - like someone else said - a wedding where you only know the bride and aren’t close to her will be boring as hell! She will barely talk to you as she will have her family / friends there .

But , if a whole group from work are going then it might be a fun night !

Really I think the affair is the least of the reasons not to go.

She is an over sharer. She has invited someone she barely knows who happens to be the company owner to her wedding, happens to have taken a shine to someone random who she barely knows who just happens to own the company.

Then appears to be using a bit of emotional manipulation to try and get the company owner to socialise with her by telling her how she doesn’t have many friends.

For me, I absolutely wouldn’t be forging a friendship in these circumstances.

I simply wouldn’t go. Make an excuse if you don’t want to be honest. You barely know the woman, her DP sounds awful, the circumstances in which they got together are dire. Why would you go to a wedding that celebrates this?

She doesn’t know you well, and doesn’t have the right to expect you to go. Tell HR if she makes things awkward at work. Just say you’ve remembered it’s your Aunt’s birthday that weekend and don’t attend.

No way I’d go in such circumstances.

Make it clear to her that you're not open to being sociable out side of work - I got into a horrific situation with a colleague a few years ago; she had no friends and no life and latched onto me. She would text me about 70 times a night I ended up leaving my job to get away from her and blocked her on everything possible.

Can be polite or honest I prefer honest. Thanks fir the invite but I have to decline. You do not need an excuse or reason. As far as friends go I expect you currently have enough friends. Tell her that and just continue as before.

If you have only worked with her 4 times it doesnt sound like there is much of a professional relationship anyway. Be kind and just go, keep your outside interractions just once a month.

It's awkward to go to social invites out of obligation too. She can want what she wants, you don't have to want the same things.
I really think of us a distant work acquaintances, and I'm not looking for more friends, as I can't keep up with the ones I have. I'm not up for regular social time outside of work, thanks for the offer but it's a no. I wouldn't mind the occasion coffee on break though.

It's really funny to read posts from people accusing and judging others for being judgemental.

Do you like her?

Also can’t help wondering if she wants friends only for the wedding. Fill up her side of the venue and all that. In which case there’s a risk she might change her mind about wanting to be friends post event.

Agree so judgemental let he who has no fault cast the first stone. I think it would be a kindness to go to her wedding. Speaking as someone who hardly has any friends I would go.

Of course she is friendly. She was an escort for 12yrs!!! It's all she knows

My DB’s first wife was an exotic dancer. She was engaged to a rich man she met whilst working. I have no idea whether he was married when she met him but judging by her morals, married men weren’t off limits. She did come from a poor and abusive background though, so I could see why she targeted rich men. She had few female friends too because she did seem hyper focussed on men to the detriment of women, at least whilst I knew her.

She could also be a good laugh, fun and a nice person.