To be put off by this on a first date?

Yes...If he's asking for the money afterwards, he wants the waiting staff to think that he's paying for everything.

I’ve worked in many a restaurant and happily split many a bill.

I think guy should pay for first date as a gesture. After that, go halves. It sets a nice tone. Did he ask you out? I would find that miserly.

I'd have been fine with him suggesting splitting the bill but I'd have paid my half in cash.

That's progressive for you

(see my user name)

You're usually really progressive, but when did you offer? Before dinner? When you were bantering? When the idea of the bill came up? When the bill was asked for? After he hesitated and then reached for his wallet?

Sounds like you're not progressive, because you had plenty of opportunities to jump in and say "Hey, I'm equal opportunities, let's split this!"

Instead, you made him ask.

You're more upset that he highlighted that you're not progressive.

If it bothered you then it's ok to say no for 2nd date.

It's just easier for the staff that's all.

The OP could've paid and got him to transfer to her.

You'd be happy to split it, but not if he asked your consent/permission to do so?
How did you want the bill paying situation to go? I'm guessing he was handed the bill (usually happens sadly) then he asked if you were good with splitting. Surely if the bill was handed to you you'd have said similar?
I honestly don't see the issue. Could it be there's a few more underlying things about him/the date that make you unsure?

Yup!

I would happily split ( why ever not? ) but I absolutely wouldn’t transfer to him. Does he want the staff to think he’s being all macho and paying the bill? I’d pay my share direct.

I can’t be faffing with setting up new payments to randoms every time I have a first date, so just pay for yours and let me pay for mine?

I bet he’s one of those who wants to appear generous to externals 🙄.
Two taps is so quick these days, that his whole action is utterly unnecessary.

So you would have been prepared to and would have insisted to pay half but would be annoyed if he took you up on it and was put off that he asked first?

Oh for sure. I'd always offer but I can't remember ever being in a position where they've asked me to split the bill or taken me up on that offer.

Yes - I'd have rather he'd offered to pay. When a man does that, I always get the drinks the next time we meet.

Your post is really disingenuous… you didn’t want to pay half and still don’t.

Hey if that’s your dating hill to die on then it is what is (mine is he has to open the car door for me if he picks me up) but don’t bitch that he didn’t pay while claiming you were super willing and able to do it. Just move on.

I would insist on paying 50/50 on a first date. I'd be uncomfortable with someone I'd just met paying for me. Sadly some men still think you owe them something if they've paid.
I think what he did is fine.
I think it's more appropriate for him (or you) to pay after a couple of dates, once you know each other better.

He may have had a previous date with someone who got the hump when he paid all of the bill.

It's a minefield for men to know what to do nowadays without causing offence.

He paid the first cup of tea , I paid the second. He brought the concert tickets and dinner and I got the drinks

Yabu it's 2024 and you are working. Are you looking for a meal ticket? I'd be put off by you suggesting the man should pay.

What if she's his 3rd date in as many weeks?

Is that not the whole point of downloading these apps?

Or to put through as business expenses.

It feels overbearing to me, I don't want to electronically transfer to someone I barely know, I'd much rather tap my card.

Also, did you actually agree to split? Maybe you wanted to just pay for your exact meal. Did he get steak and you got a soup by any chance.

OP was not expecting to pay half. She says she would have offered but didn’t expect them to accept.
It’s a long time since I was on the dating scene, but I wouldn’t expect a man to pay for me on a first date. I wouldn’t want to feel I owed him anything.
Despite you saying you would buy drinks next time, there may not be a next time for all he knows.

You're being massively unreasonable.

This is online dating you're talking about, where people will have lots of dates. Why on earth do you think the bloke should pay for all of them?

If you'd met him in normal everyday circumstances then possibly fair enough, as he might not be dating lots.

But still, it's not up to the man to pay for your food.

I agree. Always pay my own way but like a generous man who appears keen - certainly a requirement if there is to be a 2nd date.

Don't care if it's 2024 . He should have 'offered ' to pay all on the first date.

If you read these boards, you will know just how much more effort women put into taking care of the children, the home, and often the husband too, all the mental load, all while holding down a full time job. I won’t even mention breastfeeding and sleepless nights and baby battered bodies.

A man can fucking well pay for a first meal.

This poster has three children at home to look after, no doubt she is doing the lions share of child rearing. The burden on women is tremendous. Men picking up the bill doesn’t even begin to cover it.

Respect yourself and recognise your own value. You definitely won’t be respected in a relationship for being a doormat.

Yes exactly this! I can’t quite believe that people can consider themselves progressive when they don’t think that splitting the bill should be second nature. Newsflash - you’re not, expecting the man to pay is so archaic.

Weird the way it happened, unless it was a restaurant that doesn’t permit bill splitting (they do exist), I would have said: “Yes let’s split it down the middle” and then asked the server to put X amount on my card.

I always think that ‘paying for drinks next time’ is a massive cop out as you don’t know there definitely will be a next time, even if things have gone well.

But if it’s something that has totally turned you off then I don’t see any way back. YANBU to feel that you don’t want to take this further; YABU to think he would/should pay for everything.

This is the part that would put me off...seems too "couply" for a first date