To be put off by this on a first date?

Absolute whataboutery. Her kids are not his, he doesn’t have some kind of specific nor generic deficit to make up for. He’s not pulling the sword out of the stone to take up the mantle for redressing gender inequalities.

FFS. It’s a first date. Get a hold of yourself.

Presumably when the member of staff came over with the bill is when he asked about splitting it so if that was in front of the staff, paying in full is hardly an act to pretend to them that he was paying it all.

He obviously felt the OP was going to offer to go halves and that’s why he had to tell her that they were. Perhaps she then spent too long actually paying her half so he was embarrassed by her and said to put it all on his card and he’d sort it out.

I'm with you OP and I'd be put off too

I get it though - why shouldn't you pay half? Why should he pick up the bill? Etc etc

But it would be a tick in the box for me for a man to insist on paying if all had gone really well on the date, lots of chemistry etc.

And I don't care what anyone thinks about that

@JenniferBooth hi!

no offence but that really isn't relevant to splitting bills on a first date.

Gender Equality Index 2021: HealthAbout 91 % of women with children spend at least an hour per day on housework, compared with 30 % of men with children. The latest available data shows that employed women spend about 2.3 hours daily on housework; for employed men, this figure is 1.6 hours.

The 50/50 bill splitting is not really transferring across to other areas is it. If it was these figures would be better

'Oh for sure. I'd always offer but I can't remember ever being in a position where they've asked me to split the bill or taken me up on that offer.

Yes - I'd have rather he'd offered to pay. When a man does that, I always get the drinks the next time we meet.'

So really you are annoyed you actually had to pay half. What you really wanted to happen was the bill arrives, you say 'happy to pay half' and expect him to say no he will get it. Entitled much......

Are these men as keen to go 50/50 on housework and childcare i wonder

Is it worse than a man going on a date with a woman just to have a quick fuck with a plan to discard her afterwards.
Happens every day, maybe it even happened to you while you were busy worrying about splitting the bill. Carry on regardless. Whatever works for you.

I assume your outlook has worked out extremely well for you so far?

I'm probably classed as old fashioned and things have most likely moved on since I last went on a date but, if we'd really got on and had agreed to see each other again, I would have liked him to at least offer to pay and then I would have immediately offered half and if he'd refused I would have insisted that the next date was on me. I tend to think that if he'd really liked you and wanted to impress you, then he'd have offered to pay the full bill. I'm a very generous person and this would definitely put me off him.

Feminism and equality for all. Half Italian dark haired me would be absolutely ecstatic

Go on the date in a knee length skirt with unshaved legs. No problem.

It wouldn’t put me off that he wanted to split the bill.

It would put me off that he wanted to make a show of paying to waiting staff/in front of others but then wanted you to transfer him.

This. I haven’t dated in 20 years but if I did then I would happily pay the entire bill - I have plenty of money. But someone adding yet another task to my hassle filled life when I could have just tapped in the restaurant would have pissed me right off.

It would put me off.

I'd like a man to offer to pay, but I'd insist on going halves on a first date.

I'd appreciate the offer of chivalry though.

Seems like he had a lucky escape then

Wouldn’t bother me….no problem with the getting the rewards on the cc either! 🤷‍♀️ particularly since I’d enjoyed the evening!

So you really wanted him to pay. How was he supposed to know that? You don't sound very straightforward tbh.

Paying my half on a card? Ok. Setting up a bank transfer? Annoying.

I'd have insisted on paying for my half. I wouldn't want to feel indebted to someone I'd just met. But it's icky for him to ask you to transfer the money.

Maybe they should add it to the ‘pros of breastfeeding list’. Formula feed and you go Dutch, breastfeed and get free dinners from potential suitors.

He would have been fucked if this was me (and not in the conventional sense) because i dont bank online

Or he can recognise an entitled wrongun he's met on a dating app.

What the hell have I just read??

So a woman decides to have and breastfeed 3 children, and this means random men on internet dating apps have to buy her food?

Peak Mumsnet madness right there! 🤦‍♀️🤣🤣

I had a friend who admitted she went out on dates just to get a free meal. Awful behaviour.

OP if you don't like him just pick one of your many other offers...

He’s either tight, broke, not attracted enough to want to impress you, or a Cancerian.

I'd imagine many men don't get a next time so perhaps he's become a little wary of that approach?