To be put off by this on a first date?

sounds like you had already decided that he was not for you as he didn’t meet your criteria and you were looking for an excuse.

Is it? I'd find it much easier to pay half there and then than have to faff around setting him up as a payee then transferring.

OP - I'm old school, first date paid by him. I'd be happy to pay the next but I'd also find his insistence a turn off. I'd also be suspicious that it's a sign he dates a lot and lacks manners.

I always find this really strange. Do you expect your friends to pay for you when you go out? Just pay your way!

I don't like it when blokes want to look like the big man treating his woman to dinner then sneakily asking them to transfer half after. If you're going dutch just pay half and half there and then.

I notice you didn't include a poll as you probably knew you'd be told you were unreasonable! Just in case it isn't clear, YABVU.

I'd have been happy that he was up front and honest about wanting to split the bill. The mechanics of it really don't matter, let alone all the crazy theories about why it was done that way. Next time you can get the 50p worth of reward points on your credit card rather than him.

Also, all those saying they want to be treated on the first date should be ashamed. What year is it?!

Seems a minor thing to get bothered by. I’d give him a second chance. I’d have been more put off if he’d insisted on paying, I prefer to be independent.

The problem with expecting him to offer to pay, is that you may have accepted and he'd have been stuck with the whole bill. He's probably been stung by this a few times.

I don't understand why he wanted to pay in full and for you to transfer your half, and not simply pay half each with two cards direct to the restaurant.

I suspect he wanted it to look like he was paying the whole bill so he could feel 'big'.

Imagine if you've said you'd pay the whole bill and he could transfer you his half. It'd be weird.

So, yeah, agree it's off-putting.

I don't like men who are weird with money.

Yes, I hope they don't expect to vote in the election.

They may as well leave that to the men too.

Except it really isn’t. Say to waitress ‘Can we split it? She says ‘yes’. You tap your card. That’s it.

Transfering the money means WhatsApping bank details, logging on to mobile banking, setting up a new payee on mobile banking, entering their name, sort code, Acc No, reason for payment, entering the amount, verifying valid transaction. Its probably about 100 clicks on your phone compared to tapping a card / phone once.

YANBU.
But then, I don't bother dating anyone anymore and I'm perfectly happy with that.
🙄

I do not blame men for not feeling like they have to pay for a first date. Women who expect it or ‘get the ick’ at this near complete stranger not paying for them need to give up their job, right to own property or a bank account, that’s where that attitude belongs.

But what if there is no second date? Why should the man shell out in this way?

PayPal, Revolut, Monzo, Square cash.

Well it would depend on how much you were both earning. If he was a high earner then I’d expect him to pay.

How would she know how much she earns, they don't even know each other?

In fact I’d always expect him to pay and I wouldn’t feel that I owed him anything.

Do you also bum free coffees and lifts off friends?

This sort of person is called a ponce where I come from.

Exactly.

It's one of the reasons why if a man insisted on paying, I would end the date. I'd expect they are old fashioned in other areas too such as expecting a wife to stay at home and doing all of the cooking and cleaning whilst he works in his big man job and doesn't have to lift a finger at home.

I don't understand why you're so put off, especially if you claim to be progressive. I'm happy to pay my way, and conscious that not he may not be able to afford it.

Also equality 101. Mine is. I would expect to pay half, he would expect to do half the work at home. Works for us. Expecting to be treated on dates is the kind of nonsense that leads men to think that being a provider and paying their way is all that’s needed, treating the woman rather than being equal partners with the woman. Once you’re established, sure, take turns treating each other.

So you’re usually happy to split it but you never actually split it and so now you’re unhappy because someone asked to split it?

Personally I think YABU and I like his directness, someone shouldn’t feel obligated to pay for another. I find it a very old fashioned notion, women are allowed their own money now.
You could’ve just said no and asked him to pay 😁

Grim. Imagine how stingy he'd be later if he won't even buy you dinner now!

Well it would depend on how much you were both earning. If he was a high earner then I’d expect him to pay.

In fact I’d always expect him to pay and I wouldn’t feel that I owed him anything. I’d feel disrespected if he didn’t offer and I’d see it as a red flag. I’ve never paid for my own meal on a first date.

Yeah let him go, he'll have no issues finding another date if he's as great as you say he is, plenty of women are fine to split the bill and wouldn't get the ick from this, and I'm sure your prince charming who is everything this guy is and will buy your food for you will come along eventually. After all you get asked out loads right? So why settle for someone who doesn't tick absolutely every single box?

If its put you off its put you off. Next!

Sharing is fine but transferring money is a faff. He's played the big man treating the little miss. Why couldn't you just pay there and then?

Splitting the bill fine. Im fine with that. How does it work if one of you is teetotal

YABU