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AIBU?

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Original poster

How do you see your dad's partner?

109 replies

gardentimeofyear · 03/06/2024 11:54

My mum passed away 8 years ago and dad has a new partner who's lived with him for a couple of years.
I visited dad over the weekend for a bbq and catch up along with my DD's who are in their late 20s and naturally she was there too as she lives there, she's ok I suppose and dad's happy.

She posted a picture of me and my grown children on fb and said enjoying time with family.

This has made me so angry because I don't see her as family my dad is my family and my mum was but this woman is not and I had no idea she thought she was.
Aibu or can you just assume a place in someone else's family.
She's 76 and trying to be a step mother/grandmother.
I don't want anyone to see her as family especially not herself.

OP posts:
Gcsunnyside23 · 03/06/2024 12:10

I would be happy that she thinks so much of you all that she sees you as family. You don't need to be blood to be family, you can call friends and people that marry in as family (which your step mum has). If she hasn't done anything to hurt you and only tries to be nice then give her a break

WhatNoRaisins · 03/06/2024 12:09

I'd put this in the category of not really liking it but trying to suck it up to keep the peace. I wouldn't want to start a fall out over something like that but might want to talk over my feelings with someone I could trust.

vanillaclouds · 03/06/2024 12:08

Your post screams raw grief and yes you accept your dad is happy but maybe you feel you need to beloyal to your mums memory?

Let go of what was, you're dad is still here and would no doubt be happy with your mum but sadly she's not here and he's finding comfort with a new partner while he's still here and that's really ok.
You're entitled to handle grief however you want but your dad is also entitled to grieve and move on if need be in what was probably a devastating loss to you all.
Of course it's too late to be a step anything and I'm sure she isn't trying to be but she's in his life because he wants her to be and she wants to be and there really isn't anything wrong with that unless there's a drip feed coming.

mitogoshi · 03/06/2024 12:07

Thankfully my step daughter doesn't have your attitude. Can't you be pleased for your dad? Sounds like she's trying to be inclusive and friendly. I'd be giving you a talking to if you were my dd talking about my exh's girlfriend/partner

SpringerFall · 03/06/2024 12:06

You are coming across as a child, I like my dads partner

MrsTomRipley · 03/06/2024 12:02

Wow - you've made it very clear how you feel about her.
Sounds like you will never accept her.

Gensola · 03/06/2024 12:02

It’s not very nice of you to be so hostile. Do you see your own DH/DP as family? Will you not see any future partners of your DDs as family?
I feel sorry for your Dad’s partner

UpendedPineapple · 03/06/2024 11:58

Well you are your dad's family and so is she. I'd see it as her being pleasant.

WimpoleHat · 03/06/2024 11:57

How do you view your MIL/FIL out of interest? I would refer to mine generically as “family”, but not as “my family”, if you see what I mean? I think that’s maybe where your dad’s partner was coming from, if that helps?

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