How do you see your dad's partner?

My df remarried when I was small but his dw never made me feel welcome. Quite the opposite in fact. Seems she forgot I had lived there long before she did!! Df was a complete sap and allowed bad treatment of me before his every eyes. Be glad your dc have a nice addition to their lives..

I’m not particularly close to her, and I doubt we’ll stay in touch after my dad’s gone. But I’m glad that she’s there for him. As far as I can tell she makes him happy, and I’m grateful for that.

I much prefer her to my mother 😂They have been together for 10 years and I'm sure at the beginning she had a calendar somewhere so she made sure she was only present for 50% of visits. She's lovely.

We all assume when we lose our parents that one goes then the other then we get the house/ inheritance and memory of our parents but it's not always the case.
What happens to the house when your dad dies? Does she live there when you thought it would be yours?
Does she move a new partner in?
I'd be pretty annoyed too knowing my mum worked hard for a house she intends to be for me and my brother just for someone else to call it home.
My parents are still here but I'd find it hard to accept that one or the other would do that.
Equally I am working hard to pay off a mortgage with the hope my dd will inherit it so I'd be mad if I die and dh moves someone else in who benefits from it especially if they have a child who I've never met who gains from my hard earned money that was intended for my own child.

Hopefully her heart is in the right place, but it seems a bit much to me to put these photos and caption on social media. I think I'd struggle with my dad moving someone into what was the shared home but I know that's really my issue and as a grown up I should want him to be happy and be happy for him. Take it as a compliment , that she feels this way. Bit I too would be conflicted.

None of this is her fault. These are your feelings and the only person responsible for how you’re feeling is you.

She met a single man and moved in with him. Your father is not obliged to keep his home as shrine to your late mum and it’s incredibly unfair to resent his partner for doing absolutely nothing wrong. Would you rather your dad was miserable and alone?

Nobody is trying to replace your mother. You need to find a way to get past this. Your mother died eight years ago and of course you will always miss her, but I think if you are still as raw and angry as you sound, you need some counselling to try and manage your grief because honestly, your post sounds like it was written by a 13-year-old who can’t accept their new stepdad/mum, not a middle-aged woman whose 70+ father has been lucky enough to find some happiness and companionship after being widowed years previously.

Your dad’s partner has done nothing wrong by saying the word ‘family’ on Facebook. How would you feel if your father and siblings refused to accept your own partner as ‘family’? If one of your siblings’ husbands or wives described you and your kids as ‘family’ presumably you’d think that was normal, even though they are no more blood related to you than your father’s partner.

People can't win either way. If she was distant and didn't treat everyone as family she'd be ostracised for that. Give the woman a break. I doubt there was any malice in it. And maybe take yourself off her FB if it's going to wind you up. Massive overreaction.

I think 'family' is quite a loose term. She didn't say 'my family'. Sorry OP but I think you're overreacting and it's quite a normal thing for her to say. Sorry about your mum, that must be hard

You're grieving.

It would annoy me too.

Why TF does she need to put anything on bloody Facebook?!

Definitely not as family. Someone I am polite with and will perfectly willing to socialize with.

there is far too much baggage about my parents marriage and my mothers death for me to be able to easily accept him treating another woman so well. It has absolutely nothing to do with her. She is lovely and far too good for him.

I understand how hard it must be seeing your dad happy with a woman that isn’t your mum, but he loves her and is happy. Growing old alone is an awful thing to think about. Would you prefer that for your last remaining parent? Humans need companionship and legally speaking she IS family. You are fully grown and don’t need someone to mother you of course, but it sounds like she is making an effort to have a relationship of sorts with you so you really should afford her the same respect. Would you rather she treated you with cold indifference? How would that work in the future when perhaps your dad’s health starts failing? Surely you’d want as good a relationship as possible with the person who will likely be responsible for his welfare.

This is going to sound harsh, but it's not your mum's house anymore. It was and you've probably got a lot of lovely memories there and I can imagine it's hard.

But you're angry at this innocent women who all she's done is presumably fallen in love with your dad, and is trying to be warm to you and your children. It's likely to be hard for her to be living in the house your mum did, and how she fits into the whole situation.

But she really hasn't done anything wrong but to try and fit in to an already made family.

I think you need to try to separate her from your feelings about your mum. Her wanting to be part of the family is not an attempt to take something from you, or from the memory of your mum, but I can understand that part of you is saying that you don't want to 'let her in' because maybe you worry it's somehow betraying your own mum. But I imagine your mum most of all would have wanted your dad to be happy and for you to help family life carry on without her - I agree counselling might be a good way to move forward here.

I'm sorry you're so upset OP. It must be hard to see her in your family home, where you grew up and so on. I don't think it's her specifically, I think any person your Dad was living with you'd feel all these things about. It's a credit to you that you have been so nice and welcoming to her that she feels like this about you despite all your own unresolved feelings and a credit to her that she doesnt have an enormous list of things she has done to upset you. I'm sorry you lost your Mum.

Are there other stressful things going on in your life at the moment?

My mum died when I was in my 20's, my dad got remarried a couple of years later. I see my stepmum as family, she's the only grandma my DD has ever known and she dotes on her. I'm glad my dad is happy. In a lot of ways I prefer her to my actual mum 🤷🏼‍♀️ she's better suited to my dad.

Kindly, have you ever had grief counselling? It's not ok to be so hostile to someone who clearly cares about you and sees you as family.

I was glad my dad had someone to share his life with. As he got older it màde my life a lot easier (care wise!) I was glad she waz involved wig my family. Shes not a replacement for your mum. She knows that too. But she is a part of your family

My parents divorced when I was mid-30s, and dad has had a partner now for about 7 years-ish. She's great, dad is happy, she's very welcoming but also leaves us to it sometimes, she's very generous. She's the total opposite of my mother!
But because they got divorced, I don't see her as replacing my mum, maybe this is the key difference.

I send hugs, this has obviously hit a nerve for you.

Ah I understand op. I think some of the responses here are a little harsh. It’s very tough seeing a parent move on, and honestly I think potentially even more so after a death. At least with a split, even if it was an awful one, both are generally still alive. It might be unreasonable to expect her to be totally separate and not count as family at all, but I can fully sympathise with the upset it is causing you(one of my parents died recently and I know rightly or wrongly I will be torn up if and when they find a new partner!) so I get it. I do think she is likely trying to be nice however with no ill intent, but that’s not going to be much comfort!

My dad passed away and my mum has been dating her boyfriend for about 10 years. They don't even live together but we all feel he is "our family". How would you feel if your dad posted a picture saying, "spending time with my family and my daughter's husband"? Not very nice, right?

You are family though through marriage, same as if your siblings married a second partner later in life they would still be family. You sound incredibly hostile, she can't take your mum's place, and I'm sure your mum would want your dad's next partner to be welcomed and loved and to love you back.

Your an adult how childish. Does it matter, no and actually how lovely she thinks your family is nice and has said about having a nice time!

Any marriage is the combining of families to make one family - at least that's the idea.

She sounds lovely and wants you to feel at home. I'd feel really warm if my step mum did this.

I agree that you are probably holding onto grief and need to process that.

Sounds a bit like there’s a lot more going on here. Perhaps you don’t like her very much?
I can sympathise, my dad‘s partner has been a nightmare and now she completely controls his finances, despite never working a day in her life since she met him. She was insistent on charging me interest for a loan of £10k at 6% when I’ve never asked them for anything when I bought my first place. I know they have a million cash in the bank. For this alone, I think she’s a bit of a massive although she does put up with my dad so swings and roundabouts

What would you prefer she caption it?
'Spending time with his family'
'Spending time with these people'

She sounds nice, and sounds like she wanted to show off a nice photo & that she's proud of you all.