What about me, makes me the family scapegoat?

Oh my god how did your husband not tell her to get to fuck?

Your mum and dad sound deranged. Honestly if you're not holding out for inheritance then sack the lot of them off. What do they even add to your life?

You don't need witty one liners... Just set some boundaries. Tell them to fuck off!

Your sister is like this because your parents are. It isn't anything you have done wrong. You have such low self esteem that you subconsciously give off vibes that you are a pushover. You are worth so much more than this.

Start with your daughter, do not allow her to be rude to you. Call her out on it every time she does it. Sometimes the way we treat people becomes a habit, so you need to break that habit of letting them treat you like a doormat.

It will be hard to begin with and they won't like it but you need to be strong. If they won't change go no contact and tell them why,

Scapegoat here too. It is about how you make them feel. I was a lot like my father, my mother hated that about me, she idolises my father, go figure? But I suspect my father was a lot like my grandfather and it was that relationship that was never resolved. It was me triggering the negative emotions about her own father that was the issue. My sister has married a man very similar to our father too. My brother is very like our mother - narcissistic traits and likely that dynamic will impact his own children, their mother is very enabling. My eldest brother is like my father - abusive/emotionally dysregulated/cold/dysfunctional.

There is this complex interplay of not being able to resolve issues with a person so they punch down towards the scapegoat. Likely you passed the dysfunction onto your daughter though. That is very common unless you realise this when your children are young.

There is a really good book called the Karpman drama triangle likely you are putting yourself in the victim role based on your upbringing. Best to become aware of the dynamics and learn how to pull yourself out of the dynamic completely. I would step out of your family of origin and try to focus on your own stuff.

I was shaking my head at your 'D'H just walking out of the room after she said that to him.

But this makes it much worse....

What about me makes me the family punch bag? I stutter when I talk and i do not come back with witty one liners to their constant barage of put downs so im thinking it may be that, like im an easy target

Does he never/has he never stood up for you? He really walked out without saying a word to her??

Yep, I get it. Friends, work colleagues, associates, even bloody strangers have all had a pop at me at various times. I've been bullied in work places too. Other people don't get hassled to this extent, so I've concluded like you, that the ' problem 'is me. But it isn't really OP. There's nothing wrong with us ( unless you're going around behaving badly, which I don't think you are for a minute!), We just haven't learnt how to command respect or learn methods of pushing back when someone says something nasty.

Maybe there was one time you refused to join in with them bullying someone else? Certainly nothing to feel ashamed of.

Its a role within a dynamic and they require someone to fill it. Google 'flying monkeys' and try to work out which one of them they are pandering to.

Oh love, you’re looking for reason where there isn’t any. Please know that there is nothing about you that makes them behave like this, it’s all about them. It’s not normal to treat your dc/siblings in this way. Their behaviour is defective, not you.

My heart goes out to you. From one scapegoat to another, it's really NOT you, it's them. Interestingly, I've encountered the same dynamic repeating with others too, where I haven't felt listened to or respected or treated with courtesy. I can only surmise that my self esteem is so low, after living through such a bullying, invalidating toxic environment, that others pick up on it and I'm an easy target to mess with. I know exactly what you mean, when you say you can't push back with witty one liners and the stuttering - it's common to freeze in trying circumstances. My only advice OP is to walk away from the lot of them. Or if you can't walk away entirely, then limit contact and at the first sniff of any snide comments etc tell them you're leaving now as you won't be spoken to like that. They'll continue to belittle, call you over sensitive or even laugh to minimise your emotions, but stick to your guns and calmly exit the situation. Don't shout, argue, try and reason with them, challenge or appeal to their ' better nature ' - It won't work, but you can reclaim some of your power and walk away, seemingly unrattled and unfussed.