AIBU to not let SIL make wedding speech?

If you don't want SIL then it's no speeches.

Wow!! What a fabulous start to a marriage that would be. I assume you've never found someone you love to share your life with. Almost every line of that post is offensive. And I'm not easily offended.

You should be ashamed of yourself for this post. Incredibly unpleasant.

Actually, I suspect you're trying to goad. Shameful.

You’re not being unreasonable.

How dare your fiancé speak to you like that.

Why are you marrying him? He doesn’t come from a good family and is likely carrying bad genes. He is not someone to have a life and make a family with.

Look, if he wants her to do the speech - let her. You know what’s going to happen. Let it happen. Plan for you and your friends to go out on your wedding night while he consoles his sister.

I think 2 from your side and none from his is very unbalanced.

Is his best man doing a speach?

He could ask her but no pressure have a Plan B - ie one of your parents or friends could do it on her behalf.

What a horrible thing to say my neice is similar to this lady. Whenever there is an incident afterwards she feels embarrassed for months and she will go out of her way to avoid everyone there. But most those people are also her support network. So every time she has a meltdown her wold gets smaller.

One speech from each "side" is fair.
A Parent for you and Best man for him

I agree. It wouldn't have been intentional, but it has sort of rubbed his nose in the fact that you have family fighting to show their love for you, but he has no one other than his sister.

I completely understand your reservations, and I think you are thinking of no one other than SIL. But a compromise would be kindest to both your DF and your SIL.

A video montage or a simple toast from SIL would be a lovely moment.

I hope you have a wonderful wedding full of joy.

I reckon I'd give her the options.

SO not 'I'd like you to give a speech'.. but:

Would you like to - pre-recorded speech - actual speech - write something for someone else to read out - nothing at all.

And make it clear you're happy with whatever option she wants to go for there.

Then I think she's much more likely to pick the one she is truly comfortable with.

I think your husband knows his sister better than anyone and he is capable of deciding with her whether she would be ok. She might actually not want to. But quite frankly - if it does all go pears up - surely that’s a risk your husband and his sister have a right to risk it they want to? As guest at the wedding I would only feel compassion for her if things did not go to plan.

It's DHs wedding too, I think him saying there is no one from his side to give a speech is very telling. It might be hard for him the thought of your loving parents there giving a speech when he doesn't have that.
I think your DH is also best placed to know the impact this could have on his sister. Maybe he thinks this will make it easier for her because she will be distracted giving a speech rather than seeing your DH with no one speaking for him whilst your parents speak. It could be a stark reminder of DH and sisters upbringing and bring on flashbacks.
If I was in your situation and his sister wanted to speak I would 100% let her do it.

two speeches from your parents? for the love of heaven why?

As you and your partner have been a family unit already for a long time, I think a joint speech from you both would be much better.
Other than the best man or a bridesmaid, no need for separate ones from your parents.
Unless you both decide on the video montage which I think is a great idea and much more enjoyable and relaxing for everyone at wedding.

Are you being totally honest with us and yourself? Do you actually want her at the wedding or would you rather she didn’t attend given the obvious risk she poses to messing up the whole thing? It’s your day after all I dont think you would be unreasonable to not want her there (however it seems you have little choice).

Could you or someone else a carer maybe help her write a speech. She could tell you what she wants to say and you write it down. But get someone else to read it on her behalf?

You can’t have a speech from each of your parents and not let your partners closest relative do the same.

I would stop with the fake concern for her, it’s obvious that this is about more than concern for her well-being so just own it. If it were only about concern for her then her brother would share it.

If you really insist on not having her, then you have to stop one of your parents making a speech. Tbh, listening to two parents each make a speech about the same adult daughter is likely to be very tedious for guests anyway.

I've never enjoyed a speech at any wedding I've been to, including my own, but if you must a video is a good idea.

I also think you should have a little more empathy for your fiancé, it must be difficult emotionally to have a wedding without parents.

Why do your mum and dad both want to talk?

Could she propose a toast? With a very short introduction, with 3 key points, listed as one word on a card as her prompt.
Love My brother
Good luck Bride and Groom!
Cheers

Surely the sister should be ASKED if she wants to give a speech, or if she would prefer a different supportive role, because you both want her to be involved in some way.

This sounds lovely and sweet.

I'd cancel the speeches.

You and DP stand up and toast family and friends, with a special shout out to SIL.

I really doubt given the context of her feelings about being bridesmaid that she'd want to. I don't have her mental health issues but I'd have HATED to make a speech at a wedding! Just thinking about the pressure, all eyes on me, trying to come across as amusing yet heartfelt... I'd probably end up a paranoid, wooden, stuttering, sweaty red faced mess feeling worse and worse with every ill timed joke followed by polite, awkward laughter, looking out at a sea of bored faces... ugh! I can do public speaking in a work context but not this!

I don't think you sound like you're embarrassed by her btw. My sis got married recently and asked me if I'd like to do a reading but made it clear it was up to me, as she knows me and wanted me to be comfortable! I declined and that was fine. It sounds to me like you are considering your SIL but your DH to be is being a bit defensive as he is already feeling vulnerable about not having any other family there. Maybe your dad could give a speech, possibly with your mum (are they still together/amicable?) along with the best man (as is tradition). Then your SIL (and mum if a joint speech isn't an option) could do the toast?

My dad had English as a second language and I knew that he (with the help of my mum) would struggle with the Father of the Bride speech.

An older cousin helpfully suggested that her dad had only thanked people for coming to her wedding. (I was her Flower Girl, but couldn't remember the speech.}

I passed that onto Mum. At the wedding, Dad just said "My friends - thank you all for coming. Weary and Dh! [whilst lifting glass].

Someone from Dh's side complimented Dad on the best speech he'd ever heard at a wedding...

Worth considering something similar?

I think you're right, it doesn't sound like it's a good idea at all for SIL to give a speech. Also it's not common for groom's family to give speeches anyway, he'll have a best man giving a speech I'm assuming?