Friendship group split unexpectedly wwyd?

sadly I think people can be very selfish, they want friends for good times but don’t want to have to support a friend in need- which is what real friends do. I’m so sorry to hear about your husband, we have recently come through a very stressful time with our son who battled a life threatening condition tht has many after effects. Sad to say our family and friends have really shown their true colours, those who have been there for us emotionally and practically, and those who haven’t so much as bothered to send a text (not that they are obligated before I get bashed). I like to think I’m there when my friends need me, and appreciate help when I’m having a rough patch. I’d leave the group but keep in contact with those that stuck up for you. Big hugs

I need to understand the context. If you were honest with yourself have you always been cancelling or late for things that are really important to your friends? I cannot imagine this type of hostility just came out of no where for friends they you said are really good friends.

what horrible pack mentality they have shown op.
that WA you sent was very good.
best of luck

There are nicer people and you sound like a lovely person and honestly I think you deserve better friends !

What utterly vile people some of that group are.
That is a shocking story.
Of course you were upset.
You have handled the situation with grace and self respect. I wouldn't have anything further to do with them. The are poison.
Focus on those that are decent kind people. Wishing you and your husband the best.

They don't sound like friends nor do they sound like adults. I simply can't imagine anyone I know behaving like this. In similar circumstances the latecomer at one event I attended was welcomed with a hug from everyone and a warm invitation to sit down.

Bitches. I hope you're okay OP

Take comfort Op that you've found out something important, most of these people are not real friends, they are just people who want someone to go out with them. The birthday girl is a spoilt brat, her DH didn't get her the gift she wanted so she lashed out like a small child, probably the rest of the group were happy someone else was taking the flak instead of them. You have far more important things to worry about than them and they wouldn't be much help to you anyway. You've withdrawn with dignity, maybe in time they'll see how badly they've behaved to you

Well done. You deserve better friends than those.

Well they sound completely selfish. I’m annoyed for you. You are having the toughest time where is their empathy? From experience “friends” show their true colours in tough times. You learn who is a real friend and who is not hence the divide on your table. I would step back gracefully and learn from it.

It sounds like it's been a fun superficial social group.

IME these often eventually fracture as some personalities make alliances within the group and start to exclude or alienate some members.

That's a painful process, particualy if you are the one being targeted, but it can have a positive effect in the long run as you establsih who are actually your frineds from the group.

You end up with a smaller group of actual frinds instead of a wide group of social acquaintances.
Your social diary looks less packed but you feel happier.

IME this is often the trajectory of social groups of mothers formed when children are small or start school. Everyone is keen to be in the group and it wotks well for a few years with lots of social events, but over time it starts to fracture and you realise who your actaul friendships are.

I would have got up and walked out.

You see, on the one hand I find it difficult to believe that any 'friends' could treat the OP like this knowing what she is dealing with; then I read posts like this (the callousness of which takes my breath away) and realise it is only too believable.

You directly quote from the OP the major personal distress she is going through and then go on to suggest she may be 'milking it all' and be 'a bit of a drama llama'.

This poster would no doubt be proud to know that the obnoxious of her post seeps out of my screen when I read it.

Hopefully they are. It might make them realise how rediculous they are being. I hope they look back on this and feel thoroughly ashamed.

^ This is what came on here to say. I’ve seen it happen in real life to someone at work. She had a really close friendship with several colleagues. Then she lost her husband and they completely turned on her and bullied her. It was awful. The whole team apart from 2 of us bullied this poor woman.

‘Friends’ that do this aren’t really real friends at all. They are ‘fair weather friends’. There for the good times but not for the bad. They only care about themselves. I also witnessed it with a colleague who was dumped by her husband after she had a diagnosis of cancer.

These stupid women need to remember that this could happen to any of them.

This thread is so sad. Awful to be let down by a friendship group at any time, but particularly under circumstances when you ought to have been able to lean on your friends more than usual. Imagine continuing to have a go when your friend is crying at the dinner table next to you. Wtf is wrong with people? I think your WA message was excellent but I'm disappointed for you that it didn't elicit more contrition, particularly from the bystanders in a way, because queen bee and her satellites have shown their true colours, whereas this was an opportunity for the others to pick a team and tbh I think they picked badly. So sorry also for your DH's bad news.

Personally I much prefer having a couple of close friends who are more like sisters than be involved in those large friendship groups which are often superficial. You will get over this op. I hope your DH recovers soon.

Ditch the lot of them. What a nasty bunch of lowlifes. You’re better than them.

On my last birthday, of 3 of my closest friends, one had just had her first round of IVF fail, and another had serious issues with her son at home and just weren't feeling up to anything so I went out and had cocktails with one of my friends. And it was lovely. Your friend sounds like a dick and I'd pull her on her behaviour and in the absence of a profound apology, I'd end the friendship to be honest. You've had a hard enough time without this nonsense.

they sound awful. I couldn’t be friends with them after this. Hope you re ok xxx

You’ve definitely done the right thing

I agree.

with any luck they are and will recognise themselves.

Even without your/husband’s illnesses, you would only be unreasonable if you had pushed the train off track, just to spite her.

It's not your fault her husband fell short, but you’re the weaker link, so she figured you’d bear the brunt of it.

As for the others… Well, I completely ignore sheep types.

Well done for sticking up for yourself with that message and enjoy yourself with those who actually care for you 💐.