Friendship group split unexpectedly wwyd?

You mentioned that some of the group didn't bring a birthday gift. Perhaps the birthday girl was angry and embarrassed about this but took it out on you because you were late. She put your gift aside and didn't even thank you. Nasty behaviour from a "friend".

I am so sorry you invested so much in these friendships and have experienced something so horrible in return 😔.

It's always a good idea to read OP's posts before adding your two cents...

OP, well done and good luck. It's difficult. But you've behaved with dignity.

It just seems like such a bizarre overreaction. I can't believe that over the course of 13 years none of you have ever been slightly late to something before!

Surely the whole point of meeting to have a drink BEFORE a meal/show/whatever is for when not all of a group can arrive at the same time, so you make sure everyone will be able to get there for the main events and anyone who can get there earlier meets up beforehand for a drink. Otherwise you'd just have drinks with the meal?

I would maybe understand if you were always late and this was the last straw, but you've explained that's not the case, and even if it were, I wouldn't think this, with everything you had going on, was the right time to pick you up on it. The only way I could even vaguely justify it would be if it was only you or one other friend meeting up so they were hanging round alone, but there were 7 people there! tbh you'd barely notice one person being a bit late!

Even if I could understand actual birthday friend being annoyed (which I can't), it's ridiculous that several others chimed in! How on earth did it affect them?

Tbh given that and bday friend moaning some people didn't give her gifts, I think you're well out of it. It's good that several of them stuck up for you and one in particular is being really nice, maybe when you're feeling a bit better just invite them for a coffee or something. Make clear you're not expecting them to choose sides, but you don't want to be around people who think it's fine to have a go at you for a complete non-issue, so you won't be spending time with the group anymore. Hopefully it will have shown them a different side of the others too.

@Summerdays24 I have had similar happen to me. I don't know why people behave like this, but sometimes they do. Sometimes groups just like for someone to gossip about it blame things on. You have not done anything wrong.

What they think of you is irrelevant. They can think or do what they like
As sad as it is, it's best to drop the ones not bothering. You will meet new people- I promise 😘

This ^^
Sorry but I'd have left after about the third comment. I can't have a bunch of crowing witches harping on about drinks that I missed when I'm already feeling vulnerable.

I would no longer be comfortable around them either, knowing they can just kick off and embarass me when ever they feel like it.

As for the friends 'trying' to stick up for you ....I feel like they should have been a lot clearer to the clan of bitches: 'Leave her alone, she's explained - enough'.

And then turn to you :

'Wanna catch up with the drinks you missed? What would you like to start off with?'.

If I was your friend and saw you were crying, I would have been quite upset that you'd made the effort and are now being bullied - to be honest I'd have happily suggested to you that we go somewhere else for dinner and leave them to it.

Wow..I found myself getting irritated just thinking about how rude and thoughtless they were to you. I do hope you're okay x

They didn't think so, clearly. Good friends do not do this to each other.

Real friends would be cheering when you walked in because you actually made it at all.

I think you dealt with this very well @Summerdays24

It’s hard when friendship groups fracture but these women are not nice.

The fact the friend celebrating her birthday felt justified in saying she was disappointed in a lack of gifts tells you all you need to know.

I hope you and your husband get through these tricky times and that he’s able to manage his condition.

I wouldn’t be at all surprised if some of them are on here reading this thread 🙄

They sound horrible!!! Ditch those who made you feel bad. They’re not great friends! Better to have a few lovely friends than lots of half arsed or mean ones.
They sound childish aswell. It’s an adults birthday presumably they aren’t 4!!!!

Grown women can be so nasty op. Feel for you their behaviour was horrible.

They’ve done you a favour. You know who cares about you and who cares about themselves. Birthday girl sounds like a little Madame. I’ve ditched loads of friends when they’ve finally shown their true colours. Put your energy elsewhere. You didn’t deserve that. Sorry to hear about your husband. All the best.x

I wouldn’t have stayed for dins. I’d have taken my pressie back and calmly left.

Your dh sounds like a keeper.

Can’t believe some of the other friends only gave a thumbs up to your message. Cowards.

Some things and some events show peoples true colours

I went to a good friends birthday party recently - when I walked in her daughter gave me the most dirtiest look you've ever seen. Knocked me sideways. Friend was already drunk and was simply off with me. Stayed long enough for it not to be rude and was fully expecting friend to message in the morning to say thank you for coming and thank you for the present. She did neither. Proceeded to ignore my own birthday the following week!

Barely spoken to her since. Really havent got the time for whatever drama was / is going on but frankly I'm not 12 so past caring. It's a shame but it is what it is.

@Summerdays24 honestly they are not worth your brain space
these type of people are never happy, they create their own unhappiness.
ditch them and be grateful that that you found out their true colours and can move on and make some real friends.

difficult times in our lives seperate the wheat from the chaff. you will find out who your true friends are and can stop wasting time on the rest

You're too good for them. There was probably something festering under the surface already. Their insane behaviour indicates you could never reason with them. It will be someone else's turn next. Probably someone who didn't turn on you.

To be angry that someone missed drinks through no fault of her own is the behaviour of a truly vile and nasty individual. The lack of empathy is extraordinary considering your circumstances.

Is it possible they are petty enough to think you were looking for attention? There was a recent thread about a woman who was belittled because her stepfather died close to a "friend's" wedding. It was taking attention away from the main event, apparently.

I suggest you read the thread.

Then read the whole goddamned thread.

Did your friend actually receive and read the text you sent her explaining why you were going to be a bit late? The only possible reason I can think of for why people were so angry is if they didn’t get the text and they’d been waiting for you

OP, you have behaved with great dignity throughout! Wishing you and your DH all the best. Friends who behave like that lot did aren’t worth shit on your shoe.

Ffs why do people keep asking if OP is often late, whether she let them know she was going to be late etc? She's already clearly stated she isn't, she did let them know in advance and this was extenuating circumstances AND It's what the see all OP posts button is for!!!!

If you had read the OP 's posts you would have seen that she answered this many pages ago.

I have been in a situation like this before, though not quite as bad. They sound like a bunch of bullies. I would make excuses not to meet up with the nasty ones any more, and only see the ones who stuck up for you, even if it means seeing them on a one to one, which might be less stressful anyway!