Friendship group split unexpectedly wwyd?

I hope they have their collective tails between their legs (but I fear that they are so oblivious to their conduct because no one has passed comment on it up to now).

@Summerdays24 - you are better off without these particular people in your life. I do hope that you're feeling a bit better in yourself and that your DH is doing well, all things considered.

I can't believe that none of them have replied and acknowledged how out of order it all was???!!!!!

This woman is giving off mean girl vibes. Complaining about gifts? Seriously, high school entitlement antics😐

Oh OP, I'm so sorry. This didn't happen with a whole group and me but one woman.

We were doing a course together that was mainly men and became very close within a group with other men. She was prone to taking advantage but I didn't take it personally, it seemed fairly harmless if quite irritating. We were in our 30s, I'd a good social life and wasn't short on money and all was well in my life.

Then I got cancer. I was actually with her when I was rushed to hospital. I asked her to phone my mother which she did. I literally never saw her again. She sent some flaky messages initially saying she would be in to visit but she very busy so couldn't say when. This was a woman I'd seen nearly everyday for four years. I was always up for some fun and I usually paid as she had financial challenges.

Years later she contacted me on social media saying she would love to catch up. I laughed.

If I hadn't experienced it myself I would say this could never happen.

I'm so sorry you're going through this but really if they are those types of people this would have happened at some stage.

I am far choosier now about who I spend my time (my most valuable resource) with. Quality over quantity when it comes to friends.

I have someone in my family who does this. They've done it to me twice. Once when my mum was dying and again now that a close family member is ill and needs care (which I am helping with). They recently went non contact with me, but in the process made me feel so bad about myself because I kept thinking that there must be a reason for someone treating me like that, but these people are incredibly self centred. My family member had no thought that what she did was taking an incredible toll on my mental health.

Op, there are ways in which your friend could have put a bit of distance between you if she can't cope with illness, but to do it in this manner when you are so vulnerable and going through so much speaks volumes. That others in the group have followed suit is absolutely reprehensible.

Didnt rtht , just your posts

Well done for saying what you had to say and then removing yourself

I wish you every strength moving forward and I hope that those that are real friends stand by you moving forward

@Summerdays24 you definitely find out who your friends are in situations like this!
My DH became ill several years ago. He was in the construction business, did a lot of cheap work for friends.....then had to give up work due to various health reasons. Haven't seen or heard from so called friends- even his best friend of over 35 years- for 8 years. It hit him hard. But the problem is their's, not his.

Well done @Summerdays24 . Hopefully when things settle you'll find 'grown up' friends who can cope with real life. And you always have us.

Wow, they were extremely idiotic and immature. Sod them op. I wouldn't want people like that as friends.

Just read through Op's replies. Well Done Op! Hang out with good people and all the best to your DH and your family.

Sorry, my very best friends are women but I went to a girls' school and believe in toxic femininity because for a short while, I was the school rebel and excommunicated (not to worry, this was the making of my character) and I saw how female group dynamics play out when there are queen bees around. Those women are not your friends, birthdays are important but they are for showing care and concern, not making obeisance to the queen bee. The birthday "girl" sounds like a total bitch. Ditch.

OP I think it’s just brilliant that you said your piece and then removed yourself from the group so swiftly. There’s plenty of threads on here that go on for 40 pages with the OP too scared or meek to set any boundaries.

If you were still in that group you’d be twitching every time you hear what’s app and wondering what’s going on even if you had muted the chat. You are so right for leaving, I hope you and your husband can be good supports to each other during this time! You’ve got enough on your plate without a ‘friend’ crying over her birthday drinks 🤢

Thank you for your support and such great advice. I can see why pp avoid groups! The issue is you don’t just lose one friend but all of your friends in one go when things go wrong.

Yes but another way of looking at it is the trash threw itself out 😉

You will be fine and as awful as your situation is you'll find out who your real friends are and have time to form even stronger bonds with these people and surround yourself with the positivity you need

That was precisely what I thought, on reading the OP. Like a pack of wild animals. Vile.

Hope u ok. Op my cousin texted after year half to find out what college my daughter got. My point is here they flaky bitches. I keep my circle small now. You dont need this shit

Twist it round you must be awesome company if your lack of presence at some drinks causes such an upset!

Ahh sorry you’ve had to go through this op. People can be really shit. Well done on letting them know about it and keeping your head high. I truly hope they find this thread and learn something about themselves. Wish all the best for you and your DH.

Wwyd?

I'd just have told them to pack it in or I'm going tbh.

I wouldn't see it as friendship ending as if you've known your friends for years, the bonds should be such that you can have disagreements without throwing the baby out with the bath water so to speak. And friends don't all have to be besties all the time. It's a social group of fallible humans at the end of the day and we all fuck up and do unfriendly things at times unless we're suck up people pleasers who are far worse as they lack any kind of character or personality of their own. (Obviously not mumsnet people...)

BUT, you are going through a delicate time and your good long term friends should be treating you gently. If they don't get that, space is a good idea.

I'm not a fan of burning bridges over small but annoying squabbles and upsets that we teach our children to navigate every day, its all part of being a social species, sometimes we're not going to be our best selves and you never know when you may need the association with that person down the line, in another setting, where they act differently.

But I'm certainly a fan of categorising friends based on their actions i.e. close, intimate, social only. So if you don't feel you can trust these friends even on a social level at present, I would be filing them under associates for now and concentrating on your own and your husbands wellbeing.

This.
I am shocked ! Also are they five year olds ? Who is this precious about birthday drinks ? It isn’t as if she was left alone in a restaurant for ages, and even that under the circs would have been something to not make a fuss about.

Have you considered she may also have younger children??

I'm sorry this happened to you. What a horrible evening, and very odd of them. I'm trying to make sense of them (and perhaps it isn't possible!), but have you ever commented on her being late for something before? Maybe she took offense?

OP this is spot on

This. 100%.

OP none of them deserve any more input from you. You say you have other close friends. This will be enough. You just don't need any of this crap.
Disengage 100%.

I'm so sorry that this has happened to you x