Friendship group split unexpectedly wwyd?

Appalling behaviour, you must be so hurt. Only one asked how you were😕😕speaks volumes about the type of people they are. Ditch!!

This is horrible behaviour by the 'friend' and her cohorts. That she was also moaning about her husband 'disappointing' her, and about other people not bringing presents (this would be considered rude in a 6-year-old), indicates that she is an extreme birthday-zilla and an all-round spoilt brat. The way she treated you would be awful even if your dh were not so ill and you were not recovering from surgery; under the circumstances it is inexcusable. I suspect that those who sided with her were weaklings, whom she was blaming for not bringing presents, and were trying to direct the heat from themselves onto you. Anyway, now you know who in the group are your real friends. I do wish you and your dh all the best with your health.

Well done OP. You showed so much restraint than I would have done in the WhatsApp group. But I honestly think you’ve been so dignified, despite feeling really awful about it all.

hold your head high

This is ‘mean girl’ behaviour. Seriously….id not be hanging out with anyone who behaved so badly. Just rude.

They are not very good friends. It sounds like they've picked the "weakest", the one going through a hard time, to put the boot in. They'd be doing so to make themselves feel better about their own shitty lives. I'd distance myself from these people & tell them exactly why. I hate that pack mentality.

I feel like some people genuinely lack empathy and can’t put themselves in other peoples shoes.

This is horrific. So sorry you went through this. Some friends are fair weather friends, they can’t relate to or really understand what others are going through/ I got diagnosed with a rare condition and my short term future was unknown at the time. I found myself in the weirdest situation where I was literally dropped by a best friend because possibly she felt like it would not be fun to support a Friend who is unwell. What I’m trying to say is your friends show their true colours when you’re goijg through something challenging! It took me some time to come to terms with this!

Good for you @Summerdays24 and as she didn’t bother to thank you for the gift I’m imagining a conversation where you tell her to give it back (obviously pretend but - bloody cheeky obnoxious cow - fuming on your behalf).

If they are here reading this then shame on them.

If they aren’t here but are women or men tempted to do this to their “friends” then maybe this thread has made people sit up and look at behaviour.

Wow the birthday girl A, what a utter selfish bitch. You've just had surgery weeks ago and are still recovering, which in itself is a big thing, your husband has just found out he is seriously ill with a life limiting illness that will require lengthy invasive treatment.

Then in the day/evening a train is cancelled so your husband is late home, you can't leave to attend A's birthday on-time because you can't leave a 7 year old child home alone, so you know your going to be late, you miss the pre dinner drinks but you let A know you'll be late/miss drinks but you'll be there for the dinner. You arrive and bring a gift (others did not) and they have ago at you! What deplorable, selfish behaviour. OP you are definitely better away from those ghastly women. How utterly immature and disgusting! Shame on them! The audacity is breathtaking....A is a selfish bitch. Regina George. The film means girls is based on a book called queen bee and Wannabees...

You sound lovely x hope you recover from your surgery and your husband gets well soon.

Feel for the op but some women dont grow out of this mean goady behaviour. Horrible.

And I wouldn't be surprised if the 'drama llama' poster was one of them. Seems to have roughly the same level of empathy.

I don’t think you can extrapolate that all large female friend groups are bad it’s personality led. One of our local mum friend grouo had an awful health crisis as a group we took it in turns to visit had a whip round for a thoughtful gift and had a WhatsApp without her to coordinate our support. So the opposite of this group.

what was the gift OP. Please tell meshe returned it out of shame, good enough to keep the present though was it !

This isn't 'one issue' it's a gang of women who OP thought were her friends systematically and manipulatively isolating OP from their group due to their own petty insecurities at a time when she needs them most. I stand by my observation. There's no absolutes but in my experience these friendship groups are pure fakery

@Summerdays24 I'm absolutely horrified for you that these people were so vile and unsupportive. If I had been at that dinner with you I would have walked out with you and ended the friendships with them.

I can't believe that some women can be so vile and self centrered.

Wishing you a speedy recovery and best wishes to your family

???
Do you not think its a bit OTT to extrapolate that because ONE person has had ONE issue in ONE friendship group after 13 years, that ALL large friendship groups are superficial?

What counts as "large?" I'm interested to know what the boundary is - if I've got 3 friends are we a supportive and close group of friends but adding one more person suddenly makes us a superficial group of bitches?

Overexaggerated and tbh jealous sounding posts like this are as ridiculous as OPs birthday friend reaction.

Oh well done OP, the trash took themselves out, they showed you who they really are. It's very hard when you realise people you thought were friends are actually not.

Good luck to you and your family

Since reading this thread over the last day or two it's reminded me of a scenario with some friends when we were students, about 20. There was a definite 'queen bee' person who I was 'grateful' to be friends with from around 15 years old but I only recognise her as that now we look back and I'm not friends with her now - neither are any of the other women funnily enough ...

What happened was that I had another friend with the same name and Queen Bee Rachel had a boyfriend called Luke, and they kept splitting up. Whilst split up he had a few dates with another friend of mine also called Rachel but this didn't progress. One evening I was out with QB Rachel and three other friends and in the club I saw Luke with his friends and chatted to him when he told me that he'd enjoyed dates with my friend and vice versa but they didn't fancy each other.

Evening progressed as normal then when I next asked QB when we were going out again (see there, why I didn't organise it myself) she was bitchy as hell. "Sophie heard you talking to Luke about me and told me" she bleated at me. I explained it was not her we were talking about and she'd clearly just heard the first name being mentioned but she was huffy and said "Well ring me again sometime" and hung up.

I left them to it and avoided her and went out with other friends but I did see her with Luke out a few months after so they had got back together, and they both spoke to me so cordiality was resumed. The following year we all (girls) went on holiday together and it was fine, but on reflection she called the shots as to what we did. She dumped Luke and eventually married someone else. I actually had a date with Luke myself but never told her😉

Now I recognise what she was doing. In our first year she had a bitch about her zits and how I looked "it's all right for you with a face like that" and she joined in with the year's Mean Girl to have a go at me when I got a particular boyfriend. She could be a mean girl herself.

Years later I bumped into Luke in a coffee shop and we chatted. He's married now and he asked me if I ever saw Rachel. I told him no and told him why!

They do this because they are just rotten underneath. Not real friends at all. I wish I'd found that out 15 years ago.

Very simple OP. Fuck 'em.

Stick with the nice friends, bin the rest. Better to find out now that if/when DH is even more unwell and you were relying on their support. I'm sorry though, it's horrible. Great you have a nice SIL to rely on too.

I'm

Those people who had a go at you are not friends ditch them stay in touch with the ones who supported you

@IamNewToThisGame I absolutely can believe it (sadly). This woman’s flying monkeys are under strict [unspoken] instructions. I wouldn’t be surprised if they know somewhere inside themselves that this woman’s behaviour was totally out of order but they’ve got to save their own skins, responding to OP would risk being cast out. I bet they’ve observed what falling out of favour looks like a few times.

These sorts of people kind of get off on the fact someone else has been made the villain. It’s almost like a mini cult where the central person decides who is in and out of favour and these weak people pander to that. They never discuss situations between them without Queen Bee’s input. If they start talking to each other and doubts creep in, such as ‘I actually don’t think she was very nice to OP’ then that is fatal for Queen Bee. I bet that little group never socialise without QB there.

I’ve seen this kind of things so often. It’s what my Granny would have called ‘emotional cowardice’ and it stinks. OP is well out of it even though it was painful and very unfair.

You sound absolutely awesome, OP, and I'm so sorry you are in such a tough situation. All very best wishes to you and your DH .

Horrid isn't it, you feel as if you have wasted years on people when it was all fake superficial 'friendship'.