Friendship group split unexpectedly wwyd?

I'd be distancing myself asap these people are not friends

I read somewhere that some people drop friends who become ill because it scares them. It reminds them of their own mortality and that they are not in control of their own destiny. They want to carry on living in their bubble where bad things happen to other people, but somehow they are immune.

I am sorry this happened to you but I think you have to frame it as a measure of their personal deficiency, a wish to remain in a childlike state rather than face the harsh realities of grown up life.

It is true that you find out who truly are your friends during the hard times.
I'm sorry you had to find out in such a brutal way.
Don't give the cows another thought, block them and move on with those that defended you, they're your real friends.

You don’t need those negative people in your life at the moment considering what you and your hubby are going through. Look after yourself and your hubby. Sending positive thoughts your way. All the very best on your recovery and your ability to stay strong for your husband 🥰

And where were they when you had your surgery?!

Life is too short for friends like these. You text to apologize you were going to be late and they still had a go at you? They should be grateful it was important enough to you for you to come and bring a gift as well. They were so busy smugly showing how able they are they forgot that sometimes people have far worse that doesn't get shared.

I actually got so fed up with this happening in a group I belong to that I had one of the Committee explain what was going on in my life and to basically stop asking questions/cut me a break. My friends in that group were fantastic. One person was still a total cow and the rest just kept their sniping to themselves. These types of events really do show you who's worth keeping as friends.

Gosh, what a horrendous bunch of women. You're better off without them. Shame on them

I’m not shocked tbh. I went through an awful time within a few years, two miscarriages, my mother nearly died, ivf and then made disabled by a horrific pregnancy. I had a friend ghost me, but before she did she said in one of our last conversations that my life was too depressing. Well jeez thanks. Glad I listened to all your rants about being single. She’s still single, shocker.

It’s meant I’m no longer invited to that group’s group events. The other women in it have no idea the nasty things she’s said about them, that one of their babies is “fugly” and that she thinks one of the women is a “neurotic mess”. I’ve phased them all out. They are welcome to each other.

Sorry for the massive upheaval in your life. Sending an unmumsnetty hug your way. X

I’ve also experienced girlfriends going really weird on me, first when my (now ex) husband got cancer and then when we got divorced. I’ve no idea what goes through peoples heads. I’m there for everything with my friends but I think people just want to feed off your energy when things are good, they have no intention of giving back when you need the support.

You are about to find out who your real friends are. The ones you lose make space for better ones to come along. In years to come you will hopefully see this as a positive thing to have shed the bad energy, even though it’s really tough right now.

Your best friend is your husband, and at this time you need each others support. Your so called friends have shown their true callers, get rid. Your husband is your constant.

If your husband wasn’t going to be back in time were they expecting you to take them or leave them at home alone?? Silly girls…these things happen and can’t be helped

If you are confident that this is not a common pattern from you . I would put a message up saying how hurt you were at their attitude. As they know leaving the kids alone was never option, it was completely unavoidable. That you have a lot on your plate at the moment with your own health and your husband recent health diagnosis and really didn’t need this.You thought you would have received support and understanding and are devastated to find that was not the case and felt attacked when you are feeling vulnerable . If it’s really bothering you, you might want to leave the WhatsApp group and just keep contact with those who supported you. People who make you cry are not friends

Honestly, i have come to realise that most people are shitty! What a pack mentality! Only one out of the other 7 responded to your message. What does it say about them?
Sad realisation OP but don't waste your energy on them.

Hi OP,

I’m sorry some of your friends treated you so badly and at such a tough time.

Even if you were not going through so much a friend should understand that if you can’t leave your kids until your husband gets home then you can’t - the world doesn’t revolve around them. But it is particularly nasty for them to make a thing of it when they should be asking how you are.

All I wanted to add is if you are close with any of the nice ladies you don’t need to burn your bridges with everyone just because of birthday girl. Why not ask one or two of the nice ones if they would like to come over/go for lunch/a drink whatever. If they ask about mean girls - just say “no - I’ve had enough of them for a bit” and din’t let thinking about or talking about mean girls dominate your meet up. You can have nice friendships without them.

I am so sorry some people were horrible.

I would stick with the ones who were nice. Ditch the others. How mean.

Also at the risk of being Debbie downer some of those women and their Dh will receive bad diagnoses themselves. Hope they cringe.

I am so sorry they said this to you, especially in your current situation. This is diabolical.

i would have walked straight out and be currently ignoring them. I would rather be alone than this.

i wish you and your husband the very best.

Balls to your so called friends, as they said with friends like that who needs enemies!

Give it time. You may be able to move past it but only if there are no future occurrences of this nature. I do think the mean girls owe you an apology. Was it a milestone birthday or something? Can't understand why adults would go nuts over something like this.

Did wonder if something else had triggered the "birthday girl" - but it seems like she was her own worst enemy as she spoiled the evening for herself as well as you. Hard to understand this behaviour, but you don't need friends like this.

They would have been drinking before you arrived. Alcohol lowers inhibitions, and after a few drinks, people may do and say things they otherwise wouldn't. But that means your friends are showing their true colors! Perhaps the ringleader is jealous of you, despite all your troubles, and gathered others to her biased POV to gang up on you? The fact that the host didn't acknowledge your gift is telling.

If you are normally on time as you say, and texted them to warn you would be late, then they were unreasonable and unempathetic to gang up on you like that. In your shoes, I would be very upset.

Those who ganged up on you aren't your real friends. Otherwise, how could they not feel embarrassed when they made you cry? You could certainly text a message to the group explaining why you are offended by their lack of empathy. However, this will be effective only if it was a misunderstanding--which is hard to believe. Otherwise, those involved won't be apologetic and will probably say you are being unreasonable and gang up on you again. So brace yourself!

In your place, I would tell my real friends first--the ones who defended you. See what they have to say. Maybe they can give you more information on what happened before you arrived to help you understand the situation better. If merited, and unless this friend group is really important to you, I would withdraw from the group and stay friends only with the empathetic ones.

WTF !!shame on them !! they need to reflect on this behaviour.,who in the right mind acts like this its disgusting.Just drop them and move on and if anyone asks you why don't you see such and such anymore name and shame them.Im sure everyone would agreed that this is not normal behaviour. They sound like very mixed up, immature bitches.I would be embarrassed to call them friends.

I mean tbh it’s irrelevant whether you’ve had surgery or your husband is ill. If you cannot leave the house because your husbands train has been cancelled on the way home from work and there’s no one to stay with the kids for you to leave then wtf did they expect you to do?! To have a go at you over something like that is fucking crazy. You planned for your husband to be with the kids so you could attend. Something beyond yours and his control happened. I’m not sure how anyone is supposed to plan for that/‘be more organised’. Did they expect your husband to book the day off work just to make 100% sure he was home with the kids lol!? 🙄The fact that you even went considering what you’re going through they should have just been grateful you even went! I really don’t understand why they’ve got funny at all. It really doesn’t make any sense tbh! It’s just bang out of order to have a go at you for that reason anyway and even if it was a shit reason they know what you’re going through so it was cruel tbh!

I am so sorry 😔 for you, what awful so called ‘friends’ no wonder that you cried.
I’m SO angry on your behalf!
You sent a message before hand to explain you wouldn’t make the drinks so what is their problem?
surely the dinner is the more important part of the night and you were there!! So what the fuvk is their problem I don’t get it.
If I were you I definitely wouldn’t make the first move, it has to be the nasty ones to do that if you are going to stay friends but honestly I would give them a wide berth and avoid seeing them at all they made it perfectly clear that they are not your friends.
stay true to the nice friends after all you deserve them.
I wish you well with your husbands health and of course your own health too
they say people will always show their true colours and you have seen this first hand. All the best for you in the future and here have some lovely flowers 🌺🌺🌺 🌺 just for you.

Op, sending you and your family hugs. Life has a way of getting rid of the things that shouldn’t be in your way, this is one of those times. Those women who had a go at you sound horrendous, and if they can’t support you because you wasn’t able to make the dinner in time for the reason you had, they definitely won’t be there to support you in your times ahead! That isn’t friendship so I would say, this is just what you needed to save you from future disappointment. It would have hurt you more if you believed them to be friends and found out when you really needed them. Grieve the friendship and remember every end means a new beginning, concentrate on those that love you as you do them. 💖

Friends are supposed to support each other in times of need. Not behave the way some of them did. I wouldn’t go to the bbq. I would WhatsApp them something like ‘hope you are well. I found our last get together really upsetting and think it’s probably for the best if we don’t go to the bbq. Just wanted to let you all know now so that you have plenty of notice.’ That way you are being polite and giving yourself some breathing space.

Why would the Birthday girl ruin her own birthday by causing such a scene! She must be a miserable person to be honest. You were there for the main event and brought a gift - they were totally unreasonable. Is it possible that she might be jealous of any sympathy you may receive from the rest of the group for the problems you are currently facing. Sounds very odd behaviour