Friendship group split unexpectedly wwyd?

Absolutely agree.

Birthday girl sounds like an entitled brat. I would seriously be rethinking my friendship with some of these women.

Birthday girl needs to grow up. What a silly, spoiled, self centred bitch she is. No real friend would treat you like this OP. I would have been upset too. 💐

I get where you're coming from but on this occasion the reason she was late was out of her hands.
Train cancelled meant husband late so leaving kids alone so she could get there in time for drinks.
And even if there is a backstory, surely due to her husband's diagnosis plus having surgery herself recently pretty much trumps all of that?
The people who decided to rant at her are absolutely awful. If not one of them had spoken to her previously on a one to one about her timekeeping etc then this is surely just bullying.

Chances are they were also trying to all deflect that the birthday girl was fuming none of them had bought her a gift.

Just don't go.

If anyone asks say that you found the reaction to you being late because your husband's train was cancelled was totally unacceptable, especially at the moment with what you are dealing with. You don't want to spend time with people who make your life more difficult at this time.

I would contact one of the ones who defended you to found out a bit more information.
If it is as seems I would be leaving the WhatsApp group . But before going I would message the birthday girl to say how upset you are. Give her the chance to apologise. If she doesn’t in the light of day then I would leave and put a comment to say how upset you were that some of them had a go at you.

message the nice ones individually and ask to stay in touch. The others are not worth it.

Well yes it could do.

If for example the OP 'needed' to cook dinner for her husband before she left the house, that would probably piss them off (although it would NOT give them the right to be nasty).

I have a colleague like this who treats her husband like a child, and would rather be late than have him dish up his own dinner.

But the OP explained it was the DC anyway.

I'd have zero time for anyone who decided to get angry at me for something totally out of my control like a cancelled train. That would be enough to seriously damage a friendship. The fact that you are going through a tough time in your life shouldn't even matter here, but clearly just makes their behaviour worse.

I like that very much.

Oh sod them then!

That's so strange they wouldn't all understand the late train and the DC situation though.

Does that even matter? She said she wouldn't make the drinks - it's not the Spanish Inquisition, or it shouldn't be!

OP, you did nothing wrong. Time to drop the ones who were horrible to you. Life's too short to spend precious time on immature brats!

Oh wow, if I had been your friend I would have just been glad that you had been able to make some of it. I would have totally understood if you bowed out altogether tbh.

They were really horrible.

That is really shit. I have learned over the years that people treat you how you let them. Don’t give them the opportunity to behave that way towards you again.

You were held late by an unexpected issue, you have a lot going on that they know about. The women who did that to you are not your friends.

Stay in the group and prioritise the women who are your friends. Put up an emotional wall for the ones who are not your friends, don’t consider them friends just acquaintances who are part of a common group, and move on once you feel strong enough. Their behaviour was appalling.

Can I ask a question?

How often do you arrive late or cancel something which is pre-planned?

If this is the only time that this has happened then I would say that they are being really unreasonable. But, the fact that so many of them were in agreement makes me think that this isn't a one-off but a regular occurrence. And they have chosen a poor time and method to address it but that perhaps they do have some right on their side.

I have a friend from childhood who I love to pieces. She is late or cancels on me really regularly, often with very little notice. I would never stop being friends with her - she's someone who is important to me and I have an understanding of why this happens more for her - but she has lost a lot of friends over the years which I assume has come from this behavior because she is otherwise lovely.

It impacts me because I'll invite her for dinner, buy all of the ingredients, start the cooking and then she'll cancel. Or we'll agree to go for a meal and I'll keep the evening free and start getting ready and then she'll text. She would say that she always has good reasons - something is delayed; she is ill; she is tired - but the good reasons don't stop the impact on me.

With my friend I don't get cross with her because I know that it would upset her, but I do put limits on how and where I meet her and what I agree to do together which feels a bit sad sometimes.

I don't want to upset you when you've already had a very upsetting evening, but I wondered whether seeing this from the other side might be helpful.

Crikey, what a bunch of self-absorbed tossers.
for you OP. People can prove to be not what you've hitherto thought they were. I'm so sorry you're going though such a rough time and that portion of your friendship group have no empathy or imagination. Take as long as you need to re-evaluate this. Take care of yourself. Very sorry to hear about your DH's diagnosis.

I'd be saying in the group chat something like 'I was shocked at some of the groups reaction to me missing part of the birthday evening. You know that I am not well and my husband has just had devastating news. He comes first and it was an unavoidable delay. That a few of you could not show any empathy has hurt me deeply. I'll be concentrating on my family for the time being'.

When people show their true colours, believe them.

I’m sorry that you have been treated this way.

I text to say I can’t make the drinks as dh is running late back from the office ( train cancelled) but I will be in time for dinner.

Why did this mean you couldn't make it to the drinks?

Did you explain it to them?

Well the good news is that you have seen them all for who they really are.