Friendship group split unexpectedly wwyd?

There is nothing to understand. They are fair weather froends and do not want any complications that could disrupt thier ability to just have fun without doing the work. let them go.

Your 'friends' should be ashamed of themselves, it's a disgusting way to behave. It's definitely for the best to separate yourself from them now.

Find new friends, if all they can do is emphasise how organised they are then they weren't really friends in the first place-just all having kids is not enough.
Unfortunately you have taken the brunt of finding out by being bullied by them as a group. Ditch them, all of them and don't give them a backward glance.

They sound horrible. You got there for dinner. Why were they so bothered you didn't get there for drinks? Were you paying?? Pathetic behaviour. Ditch them

People can be so short sighted. None of us know what life may throw at us.

I remember a similar thread where a woman was brutally dropped and treated so badly by a particular friend when she faced breast cancer. Fortunately she got through it, only for this awful woman to pop back up looking for support and advice upon being diagnosed herself some years later.
The OP was rightly advised to wish her the best and block her.

OP, whilst it is unfortunate, it really was only a matter of time with her and her ilk. Better to know and move on.
Wishing you well.

I have a feeling the group won't survive this unpleasant episode and birthday girl will find herself with a depleted friendship group.

I wish you and your husband well and that at the good friends will stick by you.

Did you NOT READ The op she couldn't have explained it any clearer

I would keep in touch with the one or two friends who backed you up, but as for the rest, they can get to f*k, birthday girl can get to f*k twice over. Their lack of sympathy for your situation knowing full well your DH is facing a life threatening illness Is beyond belief. If it's any consolation, 20+ years ago I was diagnosed with a form of cancer, obviously still here!

Chances are this sort of thing has been going on between this group of friends for some time, but you have just become aware of it. Generally people are not good at handling disputes, so those not pitching in were probably wondering WTH is going on, so may have been slow to defend. Plus it's supposedly the bday girls special day, so people dont want to spoil it (no matter the behaviour). I'm guessing bday girl is a strong character, and probably a lynch-pin of this group, while everything is going her way I'm sure she's delightful - but like all narcissists cannot understand how anyone else's life is not centered around her.
Losing friends can feel very isolating (especially for you ladies), so you need to really evaluate just how much you need this group. By making a stand you will lose at least one friend, but need to be prepared to lose them all. With that in mind, I suggest you speak to birthday girl (without an audience) apologise for your lateness, but explain that in the real world shit happens and you have to prioritise your family first, and that as a mother/wife she should already know this. She is on the wrong.

My Dsis once said to me when I was going through a awful time. You would rather be an Eagle flying happily on your own then be a flock of pigeons pecking at each other. I love all birds but it made sense in a strange way at the time to compare an Eagle to pigeons.
😉😀
I had a horrible situation similar to what you are going through OP and it was a very long time ago. I developed anxiety because of these women and looking back I didn't do anything wrong. They are bitches and will always be bitches.
I came out stronger in the end and the friends I have now, I know we will always have each other's backs. Look after yourself and your family. You will be fine.

Hell yes.

Remember it’s better to have a few really good friends than loads of shallow ones

How awful! OP I am so sorry this happened to you. This however sounds like a ‘her’ problem! She’s projecting her unhappiness on you and making you feel bad because she’s already in a mood. She sounds very demanding and horrible!
The older I get, the less BS I can stand and I would be completely cutting her out of my life! If the other friends are true then they will make the effort to stay in touch with you. I know it’s easier said than done but she really does sound toxic and not worthy of your friendship. When the chips are down, you really see who is there to support you and she sounds like a selfish woman!
sorry to hear about your husbands diagnosis x

And I’m very sorry to hear about your husband..
You will sadly learn who your true friends are now. And maybe make some more at support groups.

when my daughter was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes aged 10, friends who we saw a lot of (mum and daughter same age as me and my DD) just stopped seeing us…. I’d message about meeting and it was always that they were busy and ‘maybe half term’ … I gave up trying! .. when we see them out now they avoid us, and the girl doesn’t talk to my DD at school and the mum (who works there) hides from my daughter…. It’s rather pathetic really

Do try to keep in touch separately with the friends who stuck up for you. You don't deserve to lose them as friends just because of this spiteful, self-centred madam and her sycophants, as they were not cowed into joining the attack on you, so they might be worth hanging on to.

I left a whatsapp group a couple of years ago (only 8 friends for about 5 years though) because my closest friend in the group was attacked on the group for keeping us up to date on a close loved one's treatment for terminal cancer. There was an inane comment made on the whatsapp post from someone in the group (who obviously hadn't bothered to read the message properly) to say "hope your dad gets better soon". Which shocked me, but my friend then replied in detail that he would not get better and why. To that, another member of the group launched a condescending, patronising attack on my friend, words to the effect of she thought it was inappropriate for my friend to be sharing all this information with us, as other people in the group had also lost loved ones - well reading that I was even more gob smacked!!

Not long after that my friend left the group, and she was out of touch whilst caring for her father. I also left the group a few months later as I felt uncomfortable socialising with a group who didn'ts seem at all concerned by my friend's sad situation. I managed to regain contact with her months after she left and our friendship is thriving now - we have other mutual interests and are very similar in our outlook on life, so I am really glad I persisted with messages to her, whilst she was feeling very vulnerable - hopefully you can salvage a friendship out of your group, I think you can have a better time with just one or two friends rather than a large group, as you haven't got to cater for bossy people with large ego's.

Hope your husband's illness does not cause either of you too much distress in the future and you stay strong for me, take care.

The birthday friend sounds like a totally bratty bitch!!
So she was already pissed because her partner hadn’t done what she’d expected of him, then was pissed because you were late for reasons completely out of your control… then moaned that everyone hadn’t showered her with gifts… I suspect everyone picked up her food and drink tab instead of giving a gift! ?!?
She sounds totally entitled and spoilt and you’re better off without her and her little gang of bullies!!

I hope the nicer ones keep in touch… but don’t get dragged into talking about the nasty ones… just say what’s done is done and you want to move on… just encase they feed back to mean girls!

Some people feel unbelievably entitled in their birthdays. As though there is no behaviour that can’t be excused as if they have an amnesty and for that day everyone must adore. Bit like the old folk tales of being king for a day ( though they were usually sacrificed after that). There’s that. There is also the fact that you shared your personal griefs when in fact that had nothing to do with the complaint or attack. It was enough surely that you had informed the groups of your position vis a vis husband having train cancelled and apologising for missing drinks as presumably you knew he would be back in time, but no earlier for you to make the meal.
why should you be attacked for that? Were the group feeling you had been playing victim too much? In the same way you told us if your post surgery and husbands life limiting condition? Was that relevant to the behaviour? It certainly made you feel more sorry for yourself and us to feel sorry for you. You too were expecting special treatment, reasonable though it might be.
upstaging the birthday girlzillah?
Groups can quickly become bullies when they see weakness. Perhaps they feel that weakness is catching. I don’t know but I have experienced this.
I’m sorry they made you publicly cry. And still did not comfort you. That is the pits and this is where your behaviour was irrational, you would not normally cry if someone accused you just of canceling drinks because of lack of child care, that’s bonkers. It’s because you felt sorry for yourself and they didn’t share it.
It is up to them (individually perhaps) to approach you. Don’t contact them.
Of course you deserve support but don’t expect that is what will happen. Be brave, be strong and prepared to be tough.

Going on all you've said (not being a regular latecomer) I can't understand why the birthday girl and her entourage got so angry about you missing drinks. You didn't say whether they were aware of your recent op or your DH diagnosis, if they were then they were especially harsh, but even if they weren't the reaction was totally disproportinate - how old is the birthday girl? 12?!! The scenario you described is like a scene out of 'Mean Girls' with her pathetic sycophants echoing her spiteful sentiments. She sounds like a right charmer anyway after complaining about the lack of gifts from her other friends. Think in your shoes I would cut loose from this group and maybe just stay in touch with the ones who stuck up for you, and forget about going on any holiday with the whole crowd - no point putting yourself up for more potential abuse, those women are really not your friends.

Hope you're feeling better after surgery & I'm sorry to hear of your husbands diagnosis.

Send a group message to all those that upset you calling them out for their behaviour towards you. Explain that you're going through a lot at the moment & thought as friends they would support you not have a go for being late to a party. Let them know that it was unavoidable because of the train being late & that it was a one off so it's no biggie missing drinks. Thank those friends that had your back & stood up for you & if you don't receive apologies from those that had a go at you back off from them & let them miss your friendship.

What a bunch of bitches. Hope you’re ok.

OP
Hope you are OK
There are lots of people who have been through similar - when going through difficult life stuff, “friends” don’t step up but do the opposite (turn nasty) : you are not the problem
It’s a combination of Mean Girl stuff, narcissistic traits, “scared” of illness, not wanting to invest energy into supporting someone else
Step away and make room for nicer people in your life

This is unfortunately very true sometimes. It is the main reason people victim blame too.

There will be some people who support birthday girl because they, perhaps unwittingly see her as their leader. Its group psychology and you are better off away from someone like that who is clearly not your friend, and doesn't want the spotlight turned away from her.

Yes its a shock and devastating when this hits you, but honestly, you will be much better without these people in your lives.

Wishing you and DH all the best for the future.

That's crazy

Great post, Sparsely