Friendship group split unexpectedly wwyd?

Adults who make this much of a fuss over birthdays are ridiculous. You still made it to dinner with everything you have going on! With friends like those @Summerdays24 who needs enemies!

I don’t think it would compromise your friend if you asked her that. You aren’t asking her to intervene- although if she offers I don’t see a problem with taking her up on it- but for advice. She might think that if you left it a few days they’ll calm down.

Don’t be too swayed by the keyboard warriors telling you to cut them all off and never speak to them again. It’s very easy to say that from behind a screen, and it’s not easy to make new friends in adulthood. Find out what’s going on before you make a decision or react in a way you can’t back away from.

I know. After I posted

Never mind OP. I once arranged to meet a friend before her birthday meal but she didn’t turn up. When I finally got hold of her on the phone she told me she was now waiting for another (presumably more important) friend in another location and had just forgotten to tell me. She suggested I make my way to the restaurant and wait for them there.

She was most put out when I decided not to do this and went home. Next time we met she made a point of telling me how disappointed she was that I didn’t just trot off to this restaurant and stand outside like a lemon waiting for to finally turn up.

Some people are just self absorbed I guess. Or entitled. Or both.

I’d feel the same. I’d dump them ones that attacked you, as sound like a seriously unsympathetic and selfish bunch. Maybe make a WhatsApp group for the ones that stood up for you and see how that friendship group goes, though?

Nanny0gg

"At that point, where did it say the ages of other children?"

The OP says her youngest has just turned 7

I'd be straight into the group WA:

"Hi all,

I've spent the past ** days reflecting on what happened at A's bday and I need to talk about it. I can't pretend it didn't happen.

DH was late. It happens and were the situation reversed I would never have reacted as A did. I cannot leave a 7 year old child alone. I have never been late or flaked on an event before, and I didn't flake on this one - I was late because DH was late. It happens.

I am going through one of the worst periods in my life right now. I have just had major surgery and attended the bday despite feeling unwell. I am facing a life without my DH. I still showed up.

I understand DH's diagnosis may make some of you uncomfortable - trust me, I get it, I'm living with it. But I would prefer you just not invite me to things rather than make me feel even more shit about my life than I already do, by berating me for tardiness.

I'm going to leave this group for now, you know where I am if you want me, and if any of you are ever going through something like this, I am absolutely here for you. Because it is fucking awful. But right now I need people around me who can support me, not pile on and reduce me to tears for missing a few fucking birthday drinks.

I won't be attending the BBQ next weekend, I just don't feel safe or supported by you all right now.

If you think this is dramatic, that's great - it means your life is a lot happier than mine right now.

Thanks,

SummerDays"

Then leave.

Another poster upthread pointed to this scenario and suggested there was a possibility it may be unconscious. I agree with this. That is why I wouldn’t rock the boat just yet. They will protect their egos because this is pretty shady stuff so while you might understand the ultimate motivation they will just deny it and make you look and possibly even feel like the bad guy.

Instead step back and see what you do want from the group. The people you like organise to meet up with, the others just leave it to die out. Groups do not respond well to confrontation with the group. Any whistler blower ever will tell you that the group gets protected over the individual.

I would send a message. Saying that you are very upset over the birthday meal

State the reason. State the fact you let them know . State that uou nrought a present and attended the meal. State your ill health. State your dhs and state thar instead of support frik your lovely friends you faced a night of hostility which has made you question your friendship group

Thanks to those who offered words of support. It was greatly appreciated.
Please when you are working out the costs for the holiday count me out

That was a horrible experience for you.I admit get irritated when folk cant make it or can only make part of the evening but you had a good reason and it was mean of them to embarrass and upset you like this in front of everyone. In hindsight it probably would have been better not to go at all. Dont do anything drastic like fall out with them all. Just concentrate on the nice ones and ignore the nasty ones. Easier said than done I know.

At that point it didn't, which is why I was confused as to why you brought it up as the thread has moved on.

Not saying you're not right to challenge that particular poster though, as most of us have been doing throughout.

Btw, I’m so very sorry that your family is having to go through all of this.

I think you should send her a message. I would state very clearly that you are angry and underwhelmed at her “Mean Girls” behaviour. You had spent a lot of time finding a present - unlike her coven of harpies that also chose to attack you. State that now more than ever, you realise that time is too short to waste it with
bitter, entitled, ill-mannered people and you would appreciate it if she lost your number.
Then block.

It's amazing (and very sad) that some people ditch their supposed friends the minute there is any sign of illness.

I wonder why that is?

That's horrible OP. Surely they must have form for this? You did nothing wrong.

At that point, where did it say the ages of other children?

You wouldn't do that with my DGC

Not all children are the same, if you hadn't noticed

And it was a bloody DRINK
She was there for the meal

AND she was the ONLY one who bought a present!

Step back and tell them exactly why. How dare they treat you like that. It's borderline bullying.

We do now, but again you might need to read the thread.

I think this sums it up

I've already explained, you might need to look back on a couple of posts to see why I asked.

Not everyone is happy to leave 13 year olds at home and possibly 'in charge' of other kids.

Depends on family dynamics

And the OP wasn't in the least flaky.

And we don't know HOW old the kids are anyway so stop projecting

Aarrghh - I'd drop the mean ones like hot potatos... I do not need that in my life! YANBU

Because she couldn't get there in time??

What do you think??