Friendship group split unexpectedly wwyd?

I agree with everyone else, that's a terrible thing to do to a person in need. I have had friends cancel or be late for far less and my main thought would be to support them, not to be peed off they weren't on time.

This is a good time though to re-evaluate this group, who sound utterly awful, or some of them. I'd reach out to the ones that were the most friendly with you and defended you and that you feel most sure of, and do a couple of low key things with them, like a coffee.

It may be that they are still in that 20/30s mindset of wanting to go out, and wanting to go on holiday as a big group and almost perceive you as 'spoiling it' by having a sick husband and being ill yourself.

So be it, their loss, and when the wheel of life turns, which it does for all of us, you won't need to waste your energy on them, but put it into your family and your good friends.

Good for you, OP. It sounds absolutely dreadful and especially with what you are going through. Any decent ones will contact you separately, and the ones that don't you will be better off without. I can't even begin to imagine anyone I'm friends with behaving like that (and worse being backed up). It is fully them and not you.

Well done OP. They are clearly a pretty toxic group. Sounds like Queen Bee was in a mood and decided to take it out on you. Awful behaviour.

Good for you, for sending that message. You hold your head up high. What awful people.

@Summerdays24 good riddance I say! they sound awful. glad you are backing off

I can't believe anyone would have the nerve to behave like that!

Well done, OP- that was a brave but fair and necessary message. And when they inevitably gaslight or try and play victim stay strong, you are definitely in the right and they should be ashamed. Hopefully they’ll all sincerely apologise but I doubt it.

My friend, the one that stepped in to stand up for me, she kept up the conversation, and squeezed my arm. I realise I have a good friend in her.

She sounds like an amazing friend! Focus on people like that. The ones who joined in especially the birthday girl who was taking her issues with her husband out on you, are ones to steer clear of.

I’ve been on the receiving end of people who can’t stand up to their male partner so take it out on their female friends and they are really the worst sort of women.

People can be awful, OP. I'm sorry this is happening to you. Everyone has things going on in their lives, but not everyone seems to appreciate this. (I did wonder whether the birthday girl was an only child, as she reminds me very much of someone I know who is and who often displays this type of behaviour).

Distance from each other is the best decision when this happens. Too much time together can often be quantity over quality, as you've sadly found out.

Sorry I took so long ruminating over my message that I missed your update!
well done OP

I have had this happen to me. It was then that I realised that this "friends" group had a leader....the person "made the fun" and generally seemed wonderful until they decided they wanted a victim. Sadly for them I am a vicious old crone and nobody's victim. I am sorry you have been so badly hurt.

They sound awful. I've never made anyone feel bad about turning up late even when they caused considerable inconvenience, which you didn't.

I've also never known any group of mums bat an eyelid about someone being late because they were waiting for DH to show. It doesn't matter how organised you are if the other parent is late and the kids are too young to leave!

I'd tell them to take a running jump. They made you feel terrible and upset and there was just no need.

Fuck me they are horrible. Well done on removing yourself.
Even if you had not just had surgery and your DH was fine and his train was cancelled and you had to wait for him to come back to leave the kids that would still be fine and their reaction was not justified. You had a childcare issue that could not be pre planned and you still came as soon as you could. You went to the main event and took a present!
very sorry about your DH

They aren't your friends. Maybe they never really were. It sounds like this was a planned attack. I would give them a wide berth.

Well done op, personally I’d have stewed over this for far too long if I hadn’t said my piece to them.

Now surround yourself with good people.

💐💐💐 the fact that you feel lighter speaks volumes.

ps: and if they don't immediately contact you to apologise profusely then it's further demonstration that you're doing the right thing by giving yourself some space.

Good for you, OP. Focus on the people who bring happiness to your life. Hope you have a great time with your SIL. All the best to you and your family.

They sound awful and I wouldn’t dream of treating any of my friends the way they treated you, especially as you are already going through a tough time. Stupid birthday woman should be grateful you came for the meal, you could hardly leave your 7 year old home alone. If the worst thing she’s got going on in her life is that one friend missed her birthday drinks, she really hasn’t got anything to complain about. I’m glad you sent a WhatsApp message saying how you feel, hopefully they will realise how awful they have been.

What were they on! Were they drunk or the mental age of ten?

I wouldn’t engage with or entertain any of it, try to see it as amusing rather than upsetting and laugh it off.

Never wrestle with a pig, you get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it - George Bernard Shaw

Well done OP. Hopefully you will have a lovely time at SILs

I'm absolutely horrified at the behaviour of these people.

Well done for your message re the BBQ and girls trip.

I’m sorry things are tough right now OP.
Your friends weren’t supportive.
I think @mondaytosunday ’s suggestion is good
Best wishes to you

Well done OP. I'm sorry you are putting up with this rubbish when you have so much else going on.

Came to say exactly what @Overthebay has said. I absolutely believe your husband’s illness is the reason behind this. You will now fade away from their lives due to their onslaught on you and, in their minds, they can now say you were the cause of the falling out and they can be absolved of any responsibility. What a set of arseholes!

@Summerdays24 I wish I had walked out now though.

I'm glad you didn't. It would backfire and in time the birthday bitch would make out that you had ruined her night by your drama. Also the supportive friend may have become less supportive.

IME there is usually a silent one or two in this type of situation who don't like to voice opinion or stand up to the dominant person but will go home and tell their partner or colleague what a nasty cow their pal was. So I'd give any silent person the benefit of the doubt and assume they are on your side unless you hear otherwise.

And well done to@TwattyMcFuckFace for a wonderful user name that made me laugh!!