Friendship group split unexpectedly wwyd?

This

I can’t believe all this fuss about you missing the drinks when you were able to make the dinner. I would have been absolutely fine with this if I were the birthday girl.

Great advice.
The what's app, really showed them up.
You don't have a history of being late and even if you did, berating you in front of the whole group until they made you cry... and then carrying on, is disgusting behaviour. Imagine if you'd turned up and done that to them. Or ignored Queen Bee's present and never said thank you.
Try to move on from the unpleasant ones in the group. They clearly surprised the nicer ones. And I think you've handled it very well.

Were they a bit drunk when they made the comments?

That’s very sad they’ve chosen to treat you this way. The ones who understood and stuck up for you are your friends, the others are not.

As painful as this is, sometimes it's good to be reminded of who you are dealing with 💖

Love what cocoapuffpuff said.

Yeah sure, lateness can be annoying; but you never say it, unless it's a work issue. Never, ever should your 'friends' make you feel like that, especially considering what you've been through recently, but also just because you're a mum. Yeah some smug little so and so who has 4 kids might get everywhere on time, so bloody what? Life is different for everyone. My friends would never attack me like that, no friends should. Drop them. You're better off without.

I’m so sorry, OP, for all you’re contending with. Illness and disability bring lots of things into sharp relief. My heart hurts if I think too much about how some close “friends” behaved when our family began to sink. It might be a good time to find a counsellor who can support you in your recovery and in the months ahead. Having a place to share honestly, without fear of burdening my husband more, was incredibly helpful to me. And keep that lovely, arm-squeezing friend close :) Very best wishes xx

Bless you @Summerdays24 you’ve done nothing wrong (still fuming on your behalf - you didn’t actually have control over any of what happened - it was someone else getting home and he isn’t in control of the railways) and you’ve handled it all with dignity. I hope the rest of them rally round you (some may not have had time to see or give a considered response yet). Your friend who stuck up for you sounds lovely too. Hoping your DH is ok.

Birthday friend reminds me of an ex colleague/ex friend of mine who sulked at birthday and Christmas when her presents from DH weren’t what she wanted, a Mulberry messenger bag one year and a diamond tennis bracelet the next year.

No matter that he was London bus driver and they had stepchildren together (hers) as well as one DC together.

I realised then (she was in her late 40s then) that some people are never happy!

Another gem from her, her cousin was cabin crew with BA so got both of them top flights to far flung exotic destinations and good deals on hotels too. One year I came into work not long after New Year as this woman was expecting to go on yet another jolly, but she had a face like thunder, would barely talk about it, but it transpired that the cousin had a new boyfriend she was taking abroad instead of this woman. Couldn’t stop myself having a little smirk when she couldn’t see.

This is awful. It has mean girls written all over it is an example of why people think women are bitchy when in groups. It sounds so toxic. Wishing you all the best OP, you’re well shot of them by the sounds of it x

Your message is great. The immediate responses show you who your true friends are. In bad times our true friends become clear from those who aren’t. Try to see this situation as the universe showing you who are your true friends who can be trusted and replied upon. X

You should have told her and her followers - sorry to ruin your birthday, don't want to cause further damage to the party by having this negative attention on me, so I would leave you all to celebrate and then left.

Well done sending the message. This definitely sounds like a Queen Bee situation as mentioned upthread. My pity is reserved for the silly woman’s toadies who thoughtlessly back her up until the day one of them is cast out for absolutely nothing other than it being their turn. These sort of people want to control the dynamic and anything positive or negative that happens to people in the group that pulls the limelight off them has to be dealt with, so I agree with others that you’ve been manoeuvred out of the group. This will turn out to be the best things that could have happened!

It sounds like an extension of this is that on one day of the year she is a Special Birthday Princess and the world must defer to this momentous event🙄. It looks like people hadn’t done exactly as she expects and demands on her special day. Her DH probably did nothing wrong, or at least nothing wrong in the eyes of a mature adult. Some people didn’t get her good enough presents - shocking! You not making the drinks is not putting the Special Birthday Princess first either (no excuse is valid on her Special Day). I can’t stand these types, it’s one of the reasons I am of no fixed abode friendship wise and have no “group”.

Honestly, stick with the sensible friend and the other friends you’ve got. If messaging has made you feel lighter then that is telling.

So sorry that happened 😞Your reason, not excuse was completely valid and you made it to dinner.

This is just me, having very few friends and discovering how incredibly hard it is to make new ones, I wouldn't completely leave the friendship group but I wouldn't really be friends with the ones who ganged up. I'd stay friends with the others though. Especially the one who stood up for you

They sound hideous. Cliquey.

Well done on sending that message! 👏

Hope you continue to recover and your DH manages his condition favourably. 💐

Real friends wouldn't act like that
She clearly craves attention and sounds like a right cow good on you for standing up to them, grown women acting like school girl bullies, embarrassing.

@Summerdays24 your response sounds right. I think you genuinely had to say something to let the group know that behaviour was unacceptable (given you are reliable so no previous form although I would still say even if you were ofteb late their behaviour was sht). What were you supposed to do? Leave your DS? Not happening. If the ‘leader’ of this group has any decency then she will actually reply publicly, or to you, saying “actually I was wrong, I’m sorry, was in a bad mood not that that is an excuse and I took it out on you, I don’t know what came over me, please forgive me” which might give further closure. If she doesn’t, definitely better off without her! I actually had to do this after giving a new PM a hard time years ago, he didn’t work for me directly but something else was making me anxious and I felt micromanaged and I was awful. He was sensible enough to ask for a 1:1 to clear the air and I realised I was at fault and apologised … we became really good colleagues going forward. I was so mortified when he drew my attention to it that I cried because I was ashamed of myself - I’m glad he pulled me up on it. I hope I’m a better person because of him and I’m glad I learned not to be an arse. You sound good and fair and I hope things move on the way you want them to. Sorry you had to go through that in that way what with everything that’s going on with you and family.

All I can say to you re the ones who had a go at you are fucking bitches and unless there’s an apology from them I’d be ending or downgrading their friendship going forwards.

And I’ve seen the post re maybe they’re downgrading you due to your DH’s illness, I’d be tempted to message them to say if they were going to do this then it shows they’re not friends at all.

I’m angry on your behalf because there seems be little or no understanding here.

Great you have one friend sticking up and good on you backing out of other planned events.

Well done OP great response and you've definitely got one great friend in the group so something to focus on.

No one should be a focus of displaced anger to the point they are crying. Yeah, I’d be backing off spending time with this group. The behaviour was cruel and unnecessary. I wish you well in future and hope things improve for you and your husband. 🌷🌻

Well, if there really isn't a back story here then the response you sent is spot on.

These people will only get more cruel as time goes on.

I can image why you didn't walk out, You must have been shocked by their reaction.

I'm not sure what the issue is here, but you are definitely better off without them.

You've done the right thing OP, they aren't nice people. What on earth could they have reasonable expected you to do! Sometimes people are just late, it happens.
I hope you have fun at your SIL BBQ xx

Well done OP. They should feel thoroughly ashamed of themselves for how they've treated you, but you have behaved with dignity and courage. Best wishes for husband's treatment, and keep ArmSqueezer close; she sounds a great and supportive friend.