Friendship group split unexpectedly wwyd?

I think you've made the right decision, OP. I wouldn't want to go near them or their BBQ while fully 100% well, never mind while recovering from surgery.

I'm surprised how many people have been on the aggressive birthday girl's side, to be honest. I hate being late, so I'm usually waiting for other people and tapping my feet about it, but not even I would complain about someone being late for drinks. One of the functions of pre-dinner drinks in a schedule is to create a time window for late arrivals before the main event! With the best will in the world, once you have more than three people booked for dinner, I find someone is always late, and for perfectly valid reasons outside their control.

This time it was your husband who was caught by trains, which meant it was you.

Well I certainly don't disagree with any of that. The 'friends' sound like bitches. I've caught up on the OP's other posts now and I don't think she's done anything wrong.

You can, but only for messages you’ve sent.
if you hold down on your messages, then click ‘info’ when it pops up

There isn't an excuse for ganging up on one person and making them cry in public, even if the Op was flaky, a bit rubbish, not a great friend (even though she doesn't sound like any of those things). None. It's not ok, I've been in lots of groups of friends and never seen this or done this.

Okay, say this is true, and how they think, then they’ve outdone the OP, because that is one of the most drama llama reactions to something that’s not a big deal. OP missed some drinks but got there for dinner.

OP is being dramatic about her husband illness, but they’re not being dramatic because someone’s missed drinks? Perspective

And even if you do think your friend is being a drama llama, you don’t do a pile on with multiple others until she’s crying, and then still carry on.
Thats spiteful and cruel.

I don’t think (I don’t think anyone does?) OP is being dramatic, at least now you know which of them are actual mates. Even if you continue meeting this group in time, it’s useful you can file them away as ‘never to be relied upon’

I can’t imagine being an adult and throwing such a tantrum about someone being late to my ‘birthday dinner’ that someone at the table ends up crying while a group snipes at them and gangs up. I would have been mortified to be there and continue the night.

OP I’m glad you sent a message today to put your limits in place. A previous poster mentioned that this is a few of them laying the ground work to push you out a bit because of your families bad news. Some people are unfortunately just fair weather in this way and use friends as fun, social outlets rather than people to lean on and give meaningful support to. Wishing you and your family the best, and best of luck to your husband with his treatment!

So she was basically pissed off with you for not making an effort, when what you actually did was making a huge effort considering your circumstances. Even brought a present.

She must have seen you as an easy target she could take her anger out on, for her partner not making enough effort and the other ones not bringing her presents. She must have known that you would not tell her to fuck off. Because you are nice.

And the other ones didn’t want to piss her off even more so it was easier to agree with her and let you take the blame when you arrived.

Who paid for this pity party by the way?

This 100%

I am so sorry that you’ve had to go through this awful experience. Hopefully getting so many helpful and supportive replies on here will help you to see that you did absolutely nothing wrong. Stay strong, you’re dealing with it really well.

To give BG the benefit of the doubt - she may be thinking about the right response and might still surprise you. Possibly clutching at straws.

Do you still want to be friends with them after that because i wouldn’t.

Sometimes you’re friends with people because of circumstances, ie the kids being the same age and you being at the same life stage. But not because in other circumstances you’d actually choose to be friends.

can you remain friends with some of the nicer ones on an individual basis?

Solidarity OP. Not exactly sure what they wanted you to do, magically fix the train delays?

I know what its like to be blindsided by a loss of friendship. I loss my best friend over something SO stupid and silly that I was stunned she was making any sort of big deal over it at all, and it all went kaput really quickly. I still feel sad about it.

They seem awful. Odd that this has happened after 13 years of friendship. Is it out of character for them or are they actually not very nice people but it's the first time you have been the target?
I wouldn't want to be friends with people who ganged up on me like that and I would have been upset and embarrassed to. I couldn't imagine my friends doing this but if they did I would want to get to the bottom of why its happened as it would be something they wouldn't usually do.

I've read the OP only. As I say, it's not for me to say whether these 'friends' are being completely unreasonable or not, I am just trying to understand why these women who are usually the OP's friends, would choose to turn on her collectively and over-react to something relatively small and want to make the OP feel bad about it. I am not making a judgement about the OP at all because I don't know her. I am guessing about what the friends' reaction might really be about.

This has been covered earlier in the thread. From memory (Christ it was only an hour ago!) the birthday woman's husband hadn't come up with the goods or something. Entitled brat!

I am feeling quite devastated to lose my friends as well as dealing with this.

As you're finding out OP, the mean ones aren't your friends, they're self-centred bitches. Concentrate on your DH, your supportive friends and your other friend groups. Above all, be kind to yourself and allow yourself to heal fully from your surgery. You're going to need your strength - physically and mentally - to deal with whatever challenges are ahead (spoken from experience). Take care 💐

She did. Read the thread.

agreed

and who on earth still tantrums about their birthday past the age of 10?

I think she was mentioning who had responded rather than read, I don't think you can tell who's read a post and who hasn't.

Your difficult life circumstances aren't even relevant here! Even if you had the world's easiest personal life, you were late for a reason out of your control. There's absolutely no reason for them to be angry with you, never mind so angry they confront you as a group.

I can see why they might be annoyed if you had a habit of flaking and being late to things, but even then you have a grown up and calm discussion about it, you don't jump them as a group and make them cry.

I’m not surprised you cried, I would have burst into tears and left.

I think it’s possible something happened before you arrived though. No idea what but maybe the birthday girl was already upset about something else, for example a nasty comment from someone else or the lack of happy birthdays or gifts. I don’t know. Is there anyway you can discreetly check with friends that were nice to you if something happened before this?

Oh just bobby off will you.

What did they expect to do? Leave the kids home alone?

Drama Llama

'kin hell!

You've read the OP's posts and you think it's a possibility??

Wow

Well what a surprise birthday girl hasn't aplogised.
I didn't realise you can see who's read the group Whatsapp? Any group I've been in I couldn't?

I have had surgery in the last few weeks and I am still feeling fragile, we have also just had news my husband has a rare but serious, life limiting disease I am not feeling my best. My friends know this.

It sounds to me as if they'd half expected you to flake, and you did. I know you say you don't have form, but with the other stuff going on lately perhaps they feel you've been milking it all a bit for attention or sympathy.

Even without the surgery and DH's recent diagnosis, the simple fact is that his train was cancelled and you couldn't leave the kids until he was home, so all the other stuff is irrelevant really, and not worth mentioning in the context of not turning up for the drinks. So my guess is that they think you are being a bit of a drama llama. It's not for me to say either way whether they might have a point, I have no idea, but if they are not being understanding at a time when life is hard for you then they are not the friends you thought they were.