How to deal with the anxiety of finding out you were the butt of a groups joke

I wouldn't feel empathetic and I wouldn't engage more. I'd avoid.

Not all women have been 'conditioned' in this way and anyone who is professional in their approach is more likely to be put off by it because it makes the poster seem a bit unstable. I want to engage the services of someone who will maintain professionalism at all times. Not someone who will engage with nonsense and pettiness. It would undermine her professionalism to me.

OP, personally, I would ignore most of the, "I would do x!" responses on here. What people say they would do in a moment of bravado responding to a thread on MN, or because they think it sounds 'nice' and supportive is very unlikely to be anywhere near close to what they'd do in real life.

I've been sitting here wondering what to say and then you typed this @Howbizarre22 - I totally agree. @Thepeopleversuswork you've done an amazing job building your business in that short time. Keep going! Ignore people like her - it's pure jealousy, that's all it is. Onward and upward - you've so much to be proud of!

I'm self-employed and I know how bloody hard it can be at times. That phone case malarkey says WAY more about her than it does about you 💐

One thing from your OP, I do

You’re putting yourself out there and succeeding in what you do. Some people resent that. I know it’s difficult but you should try and ignore and focus your energy on the positive. This woman is an irrelevance. The fact that she is choosing to give this level of attention to someone she barely knows is testament to the person she is. You’re better than this and have far more important things to think about so rise above. The best ‘revenge’ is living well.

So she's slagged you off publicly on the interview? That's gross misconduct. I would be getting a solicitor to send her a strongly worded letter. See how she laughs about that.

How revolting that someone in their 30s doesn't get a job with someone and behaves like that? Also the phone case has used your image without permission so I'd be finding out who did that sending them a solicitors letter as well. See how funny they think they are then with a legal threat.

I would not say a word to her but next time you're asked for a recommendation make a point of saying why you wouldn't use her.

Ignore, ignore, ignore! Always take the 'moral highground' - never sink to someone else's level. Retaliation is petty and would give away how you feel. Keep your dignity and pretend you don't care. Your embarrassment will pass.

I'm not sure why your friend had to tell you in the first place. I never tell friends about anything mean or critical someone else has said about them.

Ignore ignore ignore.

She's bitter and jealous.

If it carries on I would leave her a review of her services and professionalism on Google (if she is on there)

If you feel you must say something. Next time you see her, thank her for her exposure as it brought in more clientele 🤣

Did you pay her? I'd be tempted to like the photo and say reminds me i need to review your business

It says more about her than it does about you.

You have no reason to feel embarrassed. She should be ashamed of herself. Well adjusted adults do not behave like that.

I would do this. I think it depends on your target audience. If your target audience is women your own age, then they will very likely feel empathetic and rally your corner. You could actually turn this into content and get quite a lot of engagement from this.

It was really nasty thing to do, as well as being very unprofessional.

i built my business in a similar way, so I’m sure I have been taken the piss out of. But that’s the price we pay for posting ourselves out there on social media

Don’t do this. It’s a reaction, which is what she wants.

As others have said here: congratulations. You have made a success of growing a small business which is absolutely huge. You should be incredibly proud.

I think in terms of how you deal with your feelings towards this —arsehole— woman, don’t react publicly at all. There’s no upside to you whatsoever in doing this. I wouldn’t contact her al all although I can see why it’s tempting.

But quietly feel pity and contempt for her. Women are often socialised to direct anger and upset inward at themselves. In no way should you be feeling anxious because this woman has behaved badly. She is the one who should feel bad. Not you. Turn that bad feeling back where is belongs.

I’d have turned it into content. 🤷‍♀️

I'd be tempted to post something like "Something happened recently that made me wonder if I should start selling merch - personalised phone case anyone? 🤔🤣... not really, but thanks for all the support everyone; proud that my business is expanding and looking forward to growing it even further."

Don’t address it at all. If this is true then she will be looking for a reaction. That is the whole point of her doing what she’s done. She’s just a jealous person and she probably won’t be the last because petty competition is unfortunately part and parcel of life. It’s her with the problem. Ignore her completely.

Have a T-shirt made with your own face on it - then do some content and say that you’d heard that someone you previously had worked with (in a professional capacity)thought it was funny to put your photo on their phone cover as a joke! Then say that there is no such thing as bad publicity!
Don’t let one stupid person stop you from achieving your goals!

Please don't address it on your stories. It is a private matter if you are not wanting to confront her don't do it via social media in a crypt post. You will be as bad as her using her for your gain/ likes.

It does sound like you need to step away from social media. It is not real life.

They will also send around your stories and talk about you more. Don't add fuel to the fire.

Address it with her directly if you need to.

Don’t do anything- I can imagine how you feel having recently really boobooed in company - thing is it’s something I said not something someone else said or did.
That was 2months ago and I still feel bad every day - the memory will fade though (soon I hope).
Orher people will have forgotten already -too busy thinking about themselves - don’t prolong it at all by justifying or explaining.

Yes to this.
It's a horrible thing to do and there's no way I could "own it" or see it as a joke as some suggest. Your own image is very personal.
She is allegedly a businesswoman same as you, that's a stupid way for her to behave, it's doing her a favour to point that out. Horrible woman.

OP, the others are right - don't say or do anything. Your anxiety around it is making you feel like you need to do something but all you'd be doing is making something which is very private into something that is very public. And once that cat is out of the bag you can't control it and you could damage your reputation and business.

You have built your business so quickly because people trust and respect you. Don't undo that!

I'm never convinced by "she's just jealous and bitter" arguments. Maybe she was a bit pissed off you didn't go with her or whatever and she and her friend have just been taking the piss lightheartedly because it is something that is in their recent consciousness. It could have been anyone or anything.

Think of all those people who've had photos of themselves turned into Internet memes of various incarnations over the past decade or so - I can think of a few. No one who makes those is giving those people a second thought as individuals. I'm not saying it's OK to do that because I think some of them will have been quite hurtful but people laugh without intending any malice towards the individual.

Have you really never just taken the piss out of someone or something and not really given it a second thought?

I would be tempted to write on the post

'I heard all about your phone case and the 'famous' face 😆. I fully understand why you wouldn't want your clients to see it on social media!!''

I think I'd need to say something to her but I wouldn't address it on your social media. You could send her a screenshot on an email of what you'd seen and say something like "Dear Miss content creator, I thought I'd email as I've it appears I've been made the butt of one of your jokes. Please be aware that while I'm not going to put this on social media, your actions have been thoughtless and hurtful and reflect badly on your professionalism, especially for woman in a very saturated market as this. This is not how you treat a client and it reflects badly on you. I'll move on but will not be recommending your services to anybody."
Thanks

This is a sign of success… when jealous people begin trolling. I’m not even kidding- bullies can get FAR worse than this- it’s one of the reasons I am not in the entertainment business any more.
have some success, and they come out in droves to try to pull you down.

don’t respond. On the outside, take no notice. Shrug and smile, if anyone asks you about it. “Not my problem,” is the line to perfect and learn, no matter what you feel inside.

I say this from experience of trying to reach people, trying to remind them I am a human being… it did not go well.

head up, rise above, put any angst into your work, and snub that woman from now on if she asks for help of any kind.

it’s really good when they show you who they are, so you don’t waste energy on them.

big hugs. Keep going. Put a Taylor swift song on (I personally love “karma” or “vigilante shit” for empowerment after this kind of thing) and dance.

it’s time to build some armor, because feeling good about what you do is WORTH it.

(and yes - I quit the performing arts for the most part, although I still get jobs from time to time, and I found a much better career- and the lessons I learned from the niche cult following type “fame” I still have, are serving me so well in my new work. It’s all worth it, but it’s hell and it hurts.)

Wow OP your business sounds like it’s really taken off. Just ignore, it’s not worth engaging, plus you are busy growing your empire, you don’t have time for fools.

For heavens sake, just ignore.

Either she's jealous of your success or she feels you wasted her time.