To ask him to clarify he won't hit me!?

Every single comment he has made disgusts me OP. I cannot imagine a decent man ever saying this stuff. Please get out if you can.

You're never going to get him to admit that his response was inappropriate. I'm just saying this as I've read many similar posts and it seems like the woman is hanging on for this admission, as if she doesn't trust herself to make that decision unless he admits it. The good news is that it doesn't matter what he thinks, you can absolutely make your mind up that this is unacceptable. So what if he thinks that you're overreacting? He can think that if he wants, it should be of no consequence to you as you know what you saw and heard.

A decent man would have been horrified, even without knowing your history, and immediately apologised. The fact that this guy doubled down and then did the old DARVO (Deny Attack Reverse Victim and Offender) tells you what you need to know. Bin him - you don't need his permission.

He has admitted that under certain circumstances he WILL hit you

He WILL HIT YOU

Then he has gas lit you about what was said

In addition he has used anger, physical distance and verbal aggression to frighten you into seeing it his way

Leave

I think he is telling you something!

Yep he’s abusive too.

Just leave him.

Reading this made my blood run cold. He’s goading uou so you slap him so it’s your fault when he punches you?
he is telling you who he is.

please I hope you are ok today and can get some support.
please leave him.

He will never try to see anything from your side. He will always blame you for his behaviour.

so sorry you are going through this.

You have replaced one abuser with another.

You need to get away from him as as soon as you can and I wouldn't tell him I was going until I had gone. I would speak to women's aid about this.

The way he is talking would absolutely terrify me.

This isn’t how a loving supportive partner behaves. Work stress is no excuse.

This would make me feel unsure of him and question how safe I’d be with him. You’ve been together a short time and already he’s showing his true colours, bitching post work and weirdly talking about punching you, which is particularly manipulative what with your history of trauma.

Whether he would physically hurt you or not is somewhat irrelevant at the moment - you should get out either way - he’s mentally hurting you and already, quite intentionally, causing you unnecessary anxiety. It seems like a way to control you. For context, I’ve never had a BF insinuate that they may hit/punch me - it isn’t a normal conversation to have with your partner (because it should be a given that won’t ever happen), and the fact that he knows your background and how triggering it would be makes this far more concerning - he was trying to get a reaction.
He just sounds like a bully - whether physically or emotionally, or both. Please get out of this relationship and don’t listen to his excuses and pleads that he was only joking, because it really isn’t remotely funny or okay.

There's no point is discussing this with him. He'll twist your words into pretzels.

Just show him the door and say it's over.

If he doesn't leave call the police and get a non molestation order.

It's only been 2 years, hopefully you don't live together, you need to be wary of moving partners in quickly after you've been a victim of DV, you need your space. If it's your house tell him to leave.

You are not being dramatic at all.

DH has never suggesting that he would hit, slap or punch me. Ever.

The way he’s spoken to you and behaved once you called him out on it is so completely wrong. But he’s got you second guessing yourself. He may or may not get physically violent but not all abuse is.

can you get all your stuff and go somewhat today?

What are you circumstances? Can you leave him easily? If you can I'd say go and block. Don't bother with questions and explanations. Just go.

Don’t bother getting him to clarify anything. Just chuck him asap. He knows what you’ve been through and he’s messing with your head. Absolute cunt. His behaviour is still bad even without your history but with it, just completely unacceptable.

He's engineered the whole thing to upset you and put you on the back foot.

He brought up hitting/slapping/punching.

You de-escalated - 'but I'd never slap anyone'...

He escalates again 'but if you DID I'd...' punch back, slap harder etc.

And then when you get upset, job done, goal achieved and he can minimise with 'you can't take a joke' and 'you're too sensitive'..

Get out. He's a prick, he's telling you loud and clear he is a prick and it doesn't matter if he never hits you, he likes making you feel like this. He is getting off on doing this to you and thats bad enough.

He's normalising violence so when he is violent to you, he can say he said he would be under these circumstances so you knew it was coming

He's abusive and potentially dangerous to you. Leave and do the freedom programme, carry on with your therapy, be single and safe and happy.

My ex once made up a scenario where he shot me to death for cheating I've never cheated never want to bit he went into detail about everything he gave it a lot of thought

He wasn't joking

Agree. And his works escalated what she asked. She asked if he would hit a women, and he's talking about "beating up." With all the arguments and manipulations it's definitely time to leave. Sorry op, it isn't an easy thing to go through and you deserve better.

Run.

I never say this because it never ends well but in this case I will make an exception.

Leave. The. Bastard.

These are red flags. Huge red flags. Also recognising he's been awful to you recently is like he is trying to manipulate a situation with you.

Run, don't walk away from this man. Fast. In the opposite direction.

I don't think he is joking. This is a thinly veiled threat and,taken in conjunction with his other behaviour, it is telling you loud and clear who he is.

Get rid.

Sorry OP, but he isn't joking. He's just trying to wind it all back because it didn't go down the way he wanted it to.

Then aim your opinion at the OP and not to me.

You aren't wrong, you aren't being silly, you aren't misunderstanding, you aren't over-egging, you aren't over-sensitive etc etc etc ETC!

There's just no way to justify what he said in response to a conversation HE started. No man worth his salt would deadpan remind their female partner that they can hit harder nevermind that, should the occasion arise, they definitely will. Women do not need reminding & 100% no survivor of DV does cos you already know & he damn well knows you do.

In your shoes I would take his words as a thinly veiled threat, a way to remind you who has all the control should he choose to take it.

You're safer well out of this & focusing on yourself & your upcoming therapy.

Are you in a position to kick him out or must you leave? If the latter, do you have family/friends who will support you?