To ask him to clarify he won't hit me!?

Definitely meet with his ex I'm guessing she wants to warn you.
You've now experienced what she likely did
I had this with an ex messaged me, stupidly I thought he'd be different with me... He wasn't. He broke my shoulder

No he's justifying his reasons why he might
He wasn't joking
I'd advise you to end it and concentrate on healing from your PTSD
I'm sorry, no one deserves that

Get rid of this man.

Never in 15 years has my DH come up with scenarios in which he'd feel justified to punch me. Not even as a joke.

Aw, get away from him. Plenty of nice men out there who don't believe in using violence, even if struck first. His attitude is vile and justifies aggression.

So count yourself lucky you haven't found yourself in OPs situation then. Just because she has posted on MN doesn't make her 'weak or impractical' which is what you are implying. You sound nasty and judgmental. Abuse is never the victim's fault. It makes people doubt their reality and more likely to need support from others--that's nothing to be ashamed of. The Ex is not a 'random person' by any stretch and might be able to warn and help the OP. You have a very twisted view on this and clearly shouldn't be giving an opinion when you don't have a similar experience.

I would actually just walk. He doesn't sound pleasant at all, you have had many arguments started by him, he doesn't take responsibility for his role, you've got kids to think of now this.

He knows you've got a history of DV and he engineered a conversation about hitting you for no good reason. He could have said 'sorry for being so grouchy lately. Work has been tough'. He's tactless and not very bright at best.

Have confidence in your own convictions, you don't need to meet the ex to make a decision. Base that on your own relationship.

Walk away…. He’s got it in him

The irony that he got so angry and abusive after the question of if he could ever be abusive. Your daughters have a right not to be in a house with someone who takes their bad work days out on others.

Yes meet the woman, but I would call Women’s Aid to ask for advice on how to get out safely. (You may need to do this even more urgently if he finds out.)

OP take a deep breath, you're doing well, you're thinking this through and seeing the implications. Having observed my mother go from one abusive partner to the next, because somehow having been abused once 'marks' you and some men sniff you at as someone who can be bashed into shape - LTB.

As for the PTSD, can you get some EMDR? I've heard good things about it. All the best.

Yes I think u should meet her today

Clare's Law as a minimum.

Leave asap as the preferred option.

Crikey! No, throw this one back.

He’s likely dangerous and is, at the very least, incredibly cruel to make ‘joke’ threats when he knows you were a victim of DV.

Get away asap. 💐

I don't understand, if the Emails and FB messages were sent to you and you only from the ex gf how did he even know? if he was looking at your personal emails that is very controlling and you should have dumped him for that.

Yes, great post. He is NEVER genuinely going to look at the evidence and go "ohhh yes, you are right.".
Even if he plays Mr Nice Guy, he will just be biding his time.

leave

It would take a very fragile ego to jump to 'wifebeater' accusations in this scenario. But then we know there is strong correlation between fragile male egos and domestic abuse.
A well adjusted and secure man would have recognised that his partner has PTSD and needed reassurance that he would never ever hurt her. Instead he provided examples of when he would hurt her.
So sorry OP, I hope you have support to get out.

So many red flags, calling his ex a "pscho" is another one!

I would ask him to leave. On your terms and for your own reasons. Nothing to do with his ex and as she is someone you do not know I think it is risky to meet her as she may well tell him about it, and then what?

Leave. Right now. He knows you experienced violence before. He thinks you're primed for more. He's chatting about it to you. Casually. Run far away.

Meet his ex and put in an application using Clare's Law.

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/domestic-abuse-bill-2020-factsheets/domestic-violence-disclosure-scheme-factsheet

in the end you won't even need to slap him first. You'll touch him in an argument and his mind will make the connection to this visualisation and that will be all it takes I imagine

exactly right.

Yes meet with her. I bet she will tell you some home truths about him. What sort of person jokes about punching their partner, especially when she has PTSD from spousal violence? Disgusting and you deserve better.

I was going to say YABU until I read the context. And what’s being together for 2 years got to do with anything? Usually we don’t meet people punching our lights out and then decide to embark on a relationship with them takes time

And I wouldn't meet his ex because:

A) I think you are putting yourself and your family at risk of harm should be find out

B) it's basically irrelevant. Regardless of what she says, this is a bad man and a bad relationship and you need to leave. Her evidence either way doesn't change that.

Regardless of whether he says he won't hit you, this sounds like a deeply unhealthy relationship (him being angry and bitchy and you seemingly placating him and walking on egg shells)

It doesn't seem like you know what a normal, healthy adult relationship looks like.

For your benefit but even more so for your children, you need to leave this relationship and you need to not get into any other relationship with a man until you have had a lot of therapy.

I would meet up with her. Enough time has passed for her to calm down over the relationship breakdown - but I think she may have reached out to you to warn you.

You know your partner is abusive because the behaviour you described is classed as abusive behaviour.

He orchestrated a set of hypothetical events so that he could tell you he would punch you - only to go off ranting and raving and saying he was joking.

How is any of that a joke?

Why is he angry at you when you calmly asked for clarification?

The answer is because he’s an abuser. He orchestrated this entire scenario to make you feel bad.

Meet up with his ex. Then make your escape plan. You will need to make sure you don’t give him any notice you’re leaving because it won’t be safe for you to leave.