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To think it’s selfish for parents to retire early when their kids are renting?

588 replies

Lesbeavinu · 02/06/2024 22:45

Dh has decided he is going to retire at 59. He has a great government pension and private pension/savings. He earns a decent £50k a year (same as me) and we have no mortgage.

I said that dh should continue working for another year or 18 months and gift the money to dd for a flat deposit.

OP posts:
TizerorFizz · 03/06/2024 21:07

The DH in this case works from home! He’s not doing a manual job.

There is a huge amount of denial about who pays for what after people retire. The older people have to rely on younger people’s tax. Old people are living longer. The social contract is going to be a big problem. 35 years as a tax payer based on earnings isn’t much out of a possible 90 years of age. Why should younger people who have much higher outgoings, expensive mortgsges and child care costs pay for more and more and more when older people give up earlier and earlier? I’m old but I think we have millions who could make a bigger contribution but it’s all me, me, me. If people haven’t had dc, I’m not really sure they should expect anything.

if the ranting poster had been clear about taking care of their own old age, I would not have assumed anything about ending life. However it’s virtually impossible to get really old and not go near health, welfare, care or other services if you don’t have dc. Even if you pay for all services, there still needs to be someone to do the jobs! Hopefully not my DC.

LuckySantangelo35 · 03/06/2024 21:05

pikkumyy77 · 03/06/2024 17:04

Well I don’t think its too indulgent to work hard to set your children up in life. Most immigrant families don’t imagine that their duty to elders or juniors stop when they have a pension and can retire. There’s an assumption of safety and security to someone who choses to stop earning early (from a non dangerous, non physical) job that I don’t share. tThe younger generation will not have the same ability to gain security in work or housing that we did.

I’m 63 and quite well off—my DH just retired in fact—but I have started my own business and will keep working as long as I can. I might need the money or my children might need the money.

@pikkumyy77

dont work for too long!! Leave yourself some time to enjoy yourself! I’m sure your kids have their own jobs and will be just fine, it’s ok to strive a bit!

pinkyredrose · 03/06/2024 21:04

Caththegreat · 03/06/2024 19:26

Please.many jobs will be done by AI.which is why we need a basic income.look at the writing on the wall.educate yourselves

What?

Testina · 03/06/2024 20:51

eveningqueen456 · 03/06/2024 20:15

But if DH could work till 60 it would make it so much easier. But he is adamant he wants to retire..... he feels like he has done his bit now and if they want to go to uni they fund it themselves which I do think is a bit selfish as I would like to help them out and make the financial burden on them less.

@eveningqueen456

Have you taken the same low paid path?

He’s happy and can afford to retire at 55?!
I know there are some limited professions where you can get full pension so young - like the police - but you don’t make it sound he did that kind of role. To a certain extent I’d say happy + retiring so young means he’s made good choices. Although it personally to me sounds a dull life.

Are you having to support his early retirement plans financially?

Your kids will be fine though - they’ll make a sending decision on cost/benefit of uni, and then they can choose a local place and live at home - and/or work.

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 03/06/2024 20:45

eveningqueen456 · 03/06/2024 20:15

But if DH could work till 60 it would make it so much easier. But he is adamant he wants to retire..... he feels like he has done his bit now and if they want to go to uni they fund it themselves which I do think is a bit selfish as I would like to help them out and make the financial burden on them less.

But why shouldn't they fund it themselves? The vast majority of people do.

If either of my parents worked themselves into the ground so I had less student loans or didn't have to work part time (which, by the way, gave me some amazing transferrable skills and wonderful experiences) around uni, I'd be mortified.

I watched my dad do a pretty manual job and by 55 he was exhausted. He'd not be half as active and involved in DDs life as he is now if he hadn't retired early. And I wouldn't have wanted to take the financial support knowing it came with my dad being exhausted and struggling physically to carry on working.

I watched my DH getting knackered by doing a very similar manual job, and supported him to get off the tools so that by 55 he wouldn't be as exhausted as my dad was. Because we won't have the option of him retiring early with all the costs now.

Don't force him to work himself to death so your children don't have to work around studying. Don't do it to yourself either.

ChampagneLassie · 03/06/2024 20:44

It’s a fair idea but I don’t think he’s being unreasonable if he doesn’t want to. What was his reaction? What if he died whilst still working would you regret it.

eveningqueen456 · 03/06/2024 20:15

But if DH could work till 60 it would make it so much easier. But he is adamant he wants to retire..... he feels like he has done his bit now and if they want to go to uni they fund it themselves which I do think is a bit selfish as I would like to help them out and make the financial burden on them less.

Josette77 · 03/06/2024 20:03

eveningqueen456 · 03/06/2024 19:53

My DH wants to retire at 55. But we have 2 kids to get through uni. He didn't go to uni and sees no point in them going either - he has a manual job that he has done since he left school. He does not spend any money on anything - however I enjoy going out and doing things so I will not be able to retire or wouldn't want to as I want to be able to afford holidays and days out etc.

I will have to get a second job to get 2 kids through uni if he retires at 55. He is very content at just plodding along through life - because he likes the simple life he has never needed a high paid job and thinks the children should be the same.

You do not need to take a second job for your kids.

Your kids can work their way through University. Most of us did.

chillicalypso · 03/06/2024 20:00

How about the kids work hard and earn their deposit. Working in healthcare I’ve seen too many people usually men drop dead as soon as they retire, let him decide.

Dfggtdfg · 03/06/2024 19:58

No. My father died aged 58, in the evening after a full day at work. Unexpectedly, no previous illness. I got a small inheritance but I’d rather he had been able to retire a few years earlier and have a relaxing few years after working all his adult life.
i have friends who have retired early and bloody good luck to them. You never know when your time will come!

Feelingstrange2 · 03/06/2024 19:58

Errr, no.

Ive semi retired.

My DS 26 is renting but saving to buy - its taking him longer as he is on his own, and in a higher than average house price area. My DD 28 has just bought with her partner - slightly easier for them as there is two incomes and they live in the north where prices are more affordable.

I never even linked my semi retirement to them!

eveningqueen456 · 03/06/2024 19:53

My DH wants to retire at 55. But we have 2 kids to get through uni. He didn't go to uni and sees no point in them going either - he has a manual job that he has done since he left school. He does not spend any money on anything - however I enjoy going out and doing things so I will not be able to retire or wouldn't want to as I want to be able to afford holidays and days out etc.

I will have to get a second job to get 2 kids through uni if he retires at 55. He is very content at just plodding along through life - because he likes the simple life he has never needed a high paid job and thinks the children should be the same.

rainingsnoring · 03/06/2024 19:46

'Good grief. What made you so angry in life and why does everything have to reflect you and your life experience. It's not all about you. And not all people who had more than you are spoilt.

You might want to look at trying to remove that huge boulder from your shoulder'

Exactly. Several posters have cheered this poster on too. Very odd!

napody · 03/06/2024 19:34

The number of people asking OP whether she works when she states in the OP she earns 50k is a bit of a worry.

Edit: @drainthebath beat me to it!

Daphnis156 · 03/06/2024 19:33

Why?
Let your child save up or earn for themselves.

rainingsnoring · 03/06/2024 19:32

Caththegreat · 03/06/2024 19:26

Please.many jobs will be done by AI.which is why we need a basic income.look at the writing on the wall.educate yourselves

Don't be daft @Caththegreat. AI isn't going to be able to do any of the jobs I listed fully. It might take over a lot of middle/ higher admin/management desk type jobs and some lower paid ones but we will still need all the above jobs plus people to make and fix things, carers, etc.
You might want to educate about the use of capital letters and full stops!

drainthebath · 03/06/2024 19:32

thesurrealist · 03/06/2024 17:02

I'm going to apologise in advance for the rant that is coming.
When I read threads like this I am very glad of two things: 1. that my parents never had a pot to piss in and so never felt the pressure to give my sibling and I any hand outs. They didn't even have their own home because they never earned enough money between them to buy one. 2. I don't have kids.

I graduated in 1992. It wasn't a barrel of laughs and many people from my year, including me, ended up without a "graduate" job t go to. This was not through lack of trying, but there was nothing out there. The country had a few financial problems, let's say. There had been rioting in the streets a few years before, Thatcher decimating whole communities, mass unemployment during my childhood and a feeling among many of us working class kids that there was little hope of us having a lifestyle that we aspired to, you know: own home, good job, nice car, holidays.

We took shit, low paid jobs and by God they were low paid in the days before NMW. I couldn't afford to even rent a room in a shitty, mould-covered shared house which had no functional bathroom or kitchen. I ended up living with my parents and commuting to said low paid job by bike - it was 10 miles away. I became mega fit, so that's one advantage I guess. I had no savings. No handouts. No proper job until 1994 when I started temping. Only then I was able to afford the shitty room in the shared house, but then couldn't afford to eat properly and definitely no social life. Only in 1997 did I manage to escape the shit life - I was late 20's by then - with a place on a graduate programme. I could then afford to rent a slightly less grotty room in a shared house (this wasn't London and was actually a cheap area) and even managed to eat most days - though still had no social life, couldn't afford driving lessons so that cut down on job opportunities and definitely no hope of saving.

It wasn't until 2000 when I moved in with my then boyfriend, who became my husband (now ex) that being able to share the rent meant we could get a whole flat of our own. It was one bed, ancient kitchen and a broken bath, so we had to exist on sink washes to avoid flooding the flat below. We lived there for 3 years until we could afford a slightly better flat and then managed to buy a tiny, one bed starter home by taking out a scary number of credit cards and maxing them all out, plus a bank loan, to raise the deposit.

We were both, by then, in fairly good jobs and had progressed. We were still paying off the cards and the loan when we divorced in 2010.

For some of us there has never been a time when we could afford a deposit on a house in our 20's. Or 30s or, in the case of my parents. Ever.

For some of us the housing market has always been something out of reach and beyond our dreams.

I for one am sick to death of being expected to feel guilty for being born when I was. We struggled too. We had a cost of living crisis and we couldn't afford houses or a good life. Something that I think the parents of these spoilt children may have forgotten - or maybe didn't have to think about because they were the ones who had everything that people like me didn't.

Childfree people like me often get told that we are going to be dependent on your offspring to wipe our arses when we're old. I say to you now, I don't want your children anywhere near me because you have raised a generation of selfish, entitled drama queens and when I can no longer wipe my own arse, I'll see myself out of this life. Oh I don't blame the kids, btw. I blame you. Parents of my generation. What the fuck were you thinking.

Good grief. What made you so angry in life and why does everything have to reflect you and your life experience. It's not all about you. And not all people who had more than you are spoilt.

You might want to look at trying to remove that huge boulder from your shoulder

TeenLifeMum · 03/06/2024 19:29

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 03/06/2024 16:22

@TeenLifeMum · Yesterday 22:50

59 is very young. I’d just be worried dh would be bored and get depressed.

Just PMSL at this! 😆 59 is 'very young???' Do behave yourself. It's NOT young, and it is certainly not too young to retire. (And I say this as someone 'around that age.')

I think you need to expand your mind a bit more, and definitely get out more if you believe that you would get 'bored and depressed' retiring at 59/60! That's the dream for many! I work part time - 2 days a week, and am never EVER bored. NEVER. I plan to retire at 63 (Less than 5 years to go,) and so does DH (we are the same age,) and like fuck will we 'get bored!'

@Lesbeavinu In answer to your query/quandary, NO! 59 is not too young to retire FGS. You'd have to have rocks in your head to keep working so you can support your adult children, LOL! give over! Grin

Fortunately, our 2 DDs (mid to late 20s) are very successful young professionals on twice the salary DH and I are on, (and already own their own homes with their partners.) And whilst me and DH supported them throughout their lives - and through Uni - we have not supported them since.

Didn't need to. They were capable of supporting themselves not long after they left Uni. I actually cringe when grown-ass adults in their mid 20s or older take handouts from parents, and let them bankroll them right into their 30s. I know 3 people like this who live off mummy and daddy and cannot hold down a job for more than 3 or 4 months out of any given year (they are 27 to 34,) and it's so cringe. And they will NEVER grow up as long as mummy and daddy keep enabling them.

Edited

I think 59 is very young to retire in this day and age. Might be clouded by the fact I work in the nhs where colleagues retire and return. I’ve personally never know anyone retire young and not return to some form of work. That’s the thing, we all have different experiences we draw from so being dismissive just because someone’s world view differs to yours is a bit blinkered to other people’s realities.

whatever my views, I think, if someone wants to retire and can afford to them they should do what they want.

bagginsatbagend · 03/06/2024 19:27

My grandad retired early at 55, my nan didn’t want him to she thought he would get under her feet. He died age 56 from a blood clot he didn’t know he had, she’s so grateful to that year they had together & wishes he’d still be around to get under her feet. If it’s important to you to get the money together for a deposit are you working to fund this? It needs to be his choice, not something you want him to do. We’re not guaranteed a long retirement

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 03/06/2024 19:27

daliesque · 03/06/2024 19:12

Just the usual bullshit that we hear all the time from some parents. I don't know about the situation of the poster concerned, but when ever I get a comment about children's taxes being used to support my retirement I point out the following...

I have been working for over 30 years already and a lot of that time as a higher rate taxpayer.

We, current taxpayers and current retired people have paid for your pregnancy care, child's birth, child's health care, child benefit, child tax credits, child's education etc etc.

Do we begrudge it? No, it's how society functions. We don't want gratitude, we do it willingly as a healthy and educated society is a good thing.

Well said.

People who like to talk about their children's taxes funding later life care forget that the older generations taxes funded their children's start in life.

A much better argument is that the older generations are going to need the younger generation to physically support them in later life. Be that as carers, doctors, nurses, dentists, chefs in restaurants, shop staff, delivery drivers, posties etc. You know, general society....

Caththegreat · 03/06/2024 19:26

Please.many jobs will be done by AI.which is why we need a basic income.look at the writing on the wall.educate yourselves

rainingsnoring · 03/06/2024 19:24

mumpenalty · 03/06/2024 17:09

I don’t think this is about child centred society or a lack of hard graft. The problem is that hard graft now gets a person a hell of a lot less than it used to. My parents managed to buy a house on one average wage aged 23. The same house sold for £775k last year. Find me someone who left school at 16, works in an admin job who can afford that a few years work without a leg up from the generation who amassed property wealth. It simply isn’t possible now.

Exactly. My grandparents old council house is probably now worth in excess of 800k because it's in the SE.

Caththegreat · 03/06/2024 19:24

Yes they shpuld.basic income

Caththegreat · 03/06/2024 19:22

Bit ageist.and making a lot of assumptions.

drainthebath · 03/06/2024 19:22

Rubbishconfession · 02/06/2024 22:51

YABU. Get your own job and pension.

Or you could read the OP and then you would know she does work

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