To think it’s selfish for parents to retire early when their kids are renting?

Why should he?

No , its not selfish to finally - towards the end of your life - do something YOU want to do

We are in our 60s and have 3 children, DD and DS2 (early 30s and late 20s) have bought a flat together and DS1 is renting with his girlfriend and saving for a deposit. We will continue to work but not to give DS1 a deposit but to make sure we have money to have a decent retirement.

All the children work but not in high paid jobs and we live in the south east. DD and DS2 lived with us for a few years on a very nominal rent,£100 per month, and this enabled them to save. DS1 has a reasonable amount saved £30k partly from a small inheritance from his grandparents(happened after the other 2 purchased their flat) but as his GF is not currently working, will not be buying until she gets back into work.

They have never asked us for anything although we would, of course, help if they really needed it. They know our door is always open if they need a place to live.

😂This post has to be a piss take. You want your husband to work a full year for free, effectively.

Every time I think I need to stop looking at Mumsnet because it's such a hate filled place, I come across something like this which just drags me back in.

I have given all 5 children the same money each to buy a first property and they all own a house. My work is done and any money I now earn (I still work full time) will go towards my savings and whatever I choose to do with it. Every parent decides what they choose to do. Plenty of people rent - in 1900 about 90% of the UK rented from private landlords including most of my ancestors and they were fine. There is no God given law that everyone has to own a property, replace boilers, pay for roof repairs and all the rest that comes with ownership, never mind property dropping in value if you own it.

@Halfemptyhalfling

not everyone is desperate for grandchildren

also - what pressure on the daughter! Here’s a load of cash - now breed!

Oh, and in response to the question - no it's not even remotely selfish to choose to retire with your own money at a time that suits having worked for the opportunity to do that.

It is, however, incredibly selfish of the OP (who's obviously the daughter) to try to coercively manipulate a nearly 60 year old man into being her personal wallet and workhorse because it would make her life easier.

He doesn't want to though, and he's not her personal wallet and workhorse, so she'll just have to rent if she can't afford a mortgage.

I'm a similar age and I would def do this in your DH's position. He's not down a mine or slogging away in a physical job.

As long as it wasn't expected and your kids are nice young adults, I'd definitely give them a helping hand. In fact we are, we're due an inheritance soon and we could blow it on cruises and posh meals but we intend to give both our DDs a large deposit to get them on the housing ladder. They're both paying enormous amounts of rent, lining someone else's pocket at the moment.

At their age (early 20s), we were living in a fabulous flat on the outskirts of London (with a mortgage, not rent), running two cars and still having holidays. Our DDs generation have no hope of doing that unless they are on a huge salary. We had very average jobs then.

Maybe I should think my mother is being selfish for still being alive at 94 so she hasn't given me my inheritance yet. Greedy woman thinking her money should be used to pay for her being in a posh care home!

As for your DH if it was me and I was in good health id keep on working. Housing market is ridiculous these days. Id rather see my kids with homes and it would help me relax in my old age knowing they were in the best state possible.

But everyone is different and we don’t know what the future holds.

There was one earlier who said if they handed over a huge lump sum to their bully of a daughter now she might look after them if they get sick later.

Like, a daughter who thinks her nearly 60 year old father is her own personal drudge, workhorse and wallet is going to be caring for her parents in their old age 😅

Wow! Can I have your DHs job?

that sounds like a pretty good deal!

Can you PM what he does. Maybe I could do it too!

I remember there was a thread on MN about jobs paying over 50k for not doing much. Need to dig it out.

It's abnormally selfish and downright bizarre to try to force your father to slog on past the retirement age he has chosen to make your life easier.

Disgustingly entitled to try to force your father who is nearly 60 to keep working so your life will be easier. Downright revolting in fact. Sickening and repulsively entitled behaviour.

Fortunately, neither you, nor his selfish daughter get to make that choice for him.

So I guess he will be enjoying the retirement he has earned. Good for him.

Im surprised that no one has said that he absolutely should do it as being a parent is all about self sacrifice until the day you die and if he doesn’t do it his daughter will go NO CONTACT with him and chuck him in a terrible nursing home cos he was so selfish.

No, you are definitely in the vast majority. Decent people don't expect parents to slog past their own retirement age choice to make adult children's lives easier, or fund adult children's wants.

It's only on Mumsnet you will get the trolls pretending this is a normal demand by a daughter. Would not be at all surprised if the OP (who is the daughter IMO) has also got sock puppets trying to convince everyone it's normal behaviour to make these sorts of demands of your parents. It's definitely not.

I'm incredibly selfish then - I've retired at 55,and have a 13 year old. I'm a much happier and more available parent as a result.

Another one where OP hasn't come back ... wonder if this was the last gasp of the half term posts?

Her father isn't offering her help. His daughter is trying to force him to continue working to make her life easier. He doesn't want to and going by the daughter's tone (obviously the OP) he won't be forced into continuing to slog for her, but instead will enjoy his retirement with his money which he has earned by working throughout his life.

'Many of us are 55 plus ( me for one) and of course I know how things are different as I have two adult children in their 20s.'

Given that, surely any loving parent would want to help if they possibly could. 59 is no age nowadays when life expectancy is around 80 (obviously social class dependent- the man in question is on a well above average salary). I really can't see how it is sad to work past 59, especially when the generations in question will be working until they are 10 years older!

'I can't imagine having an adult depending or wanting their parents money to get on in life.'
There is nothing in the OP to suggest that this is the case. Most younger people are 'getting on with their life' and working but, sadly, cannot afford a home or a family without parental help anymore.

I'll have his job if he doesn't want to do it 😂

Very envious about people being in a position to retire pre-60. My parents both did and good for them, they had worked for years by then. With our massive mortgage and the national pension being increased to 68, it's looking far less within our grasp.

Lol no, just a cranky 50 plus woman :)

Where does it stop though? A house deposit for DD, a full house, private school fees for the grandchildren, university fees for the grandchildren. At some point he should stop. He's not exactly retiring at 40. I'm sure your child would much prefer him to be happy and healthy and around to help with grandkids in the future than worked until burnout for the sake of a few thousand pounds.

Your post doesnt match what op said... There is no suggestion the ops husband has health issues. Really happy to hear you're an independent adult and I have alot of respect for that however don't begrudge other ppl help from their parents. There's no shame in getting help like this and it doesn't mean you're not trying your best or working hard to support yourself.