To think it’s selfish for parents to retire early when their kids are renting?

Your husband has done his job supporting his children. Their turn to support themselves.

My dad retired at 59 from a very dangerous job. He and Mum only had about 3 yrs of good health together. I would never begrudge Dad those years.

Just to add - my Dad had his own home taken off him via compulsory purchase and he and Mum had no choice but to rent for 40 years. My Mum and Dad did their bit for me, God bless them. You get to a certain age and then it's your turn to look out for yourself and maybe help your parents if you can.

so sad, I was encouraging my mum to retire early, I did not like seeing her trudging off to work everyday - she wasn't well either, I wanted her to enjoy her the rest of her life. I dont think any DD or DS would really want their parents to work purely to provide them with some money. I know i would not have wanted that.

Again, it’s a tricky one because I don’t know the nature of the relationship between father and daughter, how kind he’s been to her -in general-. I don’t know if his refusal to give her a deposit is part of a history of being unkind or maybe he’s been very kind to her in other ways paying for he college, wedding so his refusal to work one more year doesn’t really matter to the daughter. Only she knows the answer.

How about you work extra few years and give that money to your child?

@TeenLifeMum · Yesterday 22:50

59 is very young. I’d just be worried dh would be bored and get depressed.

Just PMSL at this! 😆 59 is 'very young???' Do behave yourself. It's NOT young, and it is certainly not too young to retire. (And I say this as someone 'around that age.')

I think you need to expand your mind a bit more, and definitely get out more if you believe that you would get 'bored and depressed' retiring at 59/60! That's the dream for many! I work part time - 2 days a week, and am never EVER bored. NEVER. I plan to retire at 63 (Less than 5 years to go,) and so does DH (we are the same age,) and like fuck will we 'get bored!'

@Lesbeavinu In answer to your query/quandary, NO! 59 is not too young to retire FGS. You'd have to have rocks in your head to keep working so you can support your adult children, LOL! give over!

Fortunately, our 2 DDs (mid to late 20s) are very successful young professionals on twice the salary DH and I are on, (and already own their own homes with their partners.) And whilst me and DH supported them throughout their lives - and through Uni - we have not supported them since.

Didn't need to. They were capable of supporting themselves not long after they left Uni. I actually cringe when grown-ass adults in their mid 20s or older take handouts from parents, and let them bankroll them right into their 30s. I know 3 people like this who live off mummy and daddy and cannot hold down a job for more than 3 or 4 months out of any given year (they are 27 to 34,) and it's so cringe. And they will NEVER grow up as long as mummy and daddy keep enabling them.

My mum retired at 60 and fell ill at 62, she died at 70 after spending all of that time with a neurological disease which completely ruined her life. She had barely 2 years of retirement.

That’s a bit of a leap!
OP hasn’t bothered to give enough useful info in the first place, or update 🙄

If he works until 67 (state pension age) he could probably pay off her mortgage.

Should he?

If not where’s the balance?

Nowhere does OP say that their daughter needs this deposit. Would I work an extra year if it was the difference for my could between getting their own property and not? Yeah, if I could. But maybe this child can afford to save, or is feckless.

Anyway, they’re mortgage free and the husband here has a good pension plus private pension. So OP won’t be subbing his living costs. So why isn’t she having a frugal year and gifting a chunk of her not inconsiderable £50K salary?

I rent, my parents are mid to late 50s. Not in a million years would I want them to work an extra year for me to buy a home. They've worked hard for years, including working hard when I was a child to ensure I never went with out. I think it's very unreasonable to expect your husband to work another year.

@beatrix1234

this! Working yourself into the ground to give your kids money for a house deposit is not a guarantee they will be supportive towards you in old age.

I suppose as someone whose parents never had anything to donate, I do wonder how much parents paying deposits further increases house prices and increases inequality for those who don't have parents who can.

That being said if I could afford it when the time comes don't know what I'd do, but I don't think you can force your DH and as people have said it leaves a job open for someone younger

But doesn't his own quality of life matter too? And his own priorities for later life?

Parents do not exist solely for the benefit of their offspring.

I would rather keep working and see my kids set up than leave work and go to the Maldives or wherever whilst knowing my (adult) child was struggling. Everyone seems to have their own take on this and I completely understand the idea of enjoying retirement whilst you can but surely for most people the biggest enjoyment would be knowing their children were secure.

But the parents in this scenario don't have the money to gift now (or presumably from OPs thoughts in this thread, they would have done so).

By your logic, by not working beyond his planned retirement to obtain that money to gift to his daughter, he's stingy, which equates to unkind and his daughter won't therefore feel like she wants to support him later on.

A decent adult human who has a good relationship with their parents would say, no dad, retire. You've worked really hard to get to this point, enjoy your life now. They wouldn't even think about the fact he's stopping working while they are renting because those two things aren't actually related.

Of course not, that’s not what I’m talking about. Many many parents don’t have money to give their only child a deposit and that’s perfectly fine if they’ve raised the kid with love, affection and other forms of kindness. I’m talking about those parents who have the money or means to help the kid with a deposit but they’d rather not because they’re stingy.

this

This! The number of people I have known who have died (or been diagnosed with a terminal/life-limiting illness) just before or just after retirement is shocking.

I think that it is his life, his choice and his money frankly. I think that it's a bit much to expect him to carry on working purely to support his adult kids if he has worked all his life. Doesn't he deserve to retire and take it easy while he can can ? I never begrudged my dad retiring early at 55, he has spent the last 20 years doing exactly what he wanted to do, and I fully supported him in that, he had earned it and had worked from age 15. I wonder if your DD would even want him to do that.

Are you like the parents in the 90s gifting children a brand new car for passing their test after paying for all if their lessons?

I've got fuck all, I don't even know which country my Mum is in, in her camper van at the moment.

Enjoy Mum!! You have worked so so hard for this.

They're my thoughts.

So if a parent hasn't got the means to give large sums of money, they're unkind and karma is coming?

I pretty much straight away thought this was a reverse - another entitled child feeling hard done by that their parent won’t fund their lifestyle …

I don’t know what’s the relationship between father and daughter and how kind he’s been to her so won’t comment on it, but generosity is part of a bigger picture called “kindness”. Called me “transactional” but I wouldn’t be the loving daughter of a parent who had been unkind to me. Karma is a thing, yes.

Or alternatively, he could see his priority as raising his kids to being independent, self motivated adults, and then enjoy the rest of his life, secure in the knowledge that they will be able to make their way in the world, while knowing he has the funds to look after himself in old age and won’t be asking them to contribute to his care?

Bit odd this, surely his priority would be to help provide a secure home for his kids. Very naive man I’d say. Unless he’s depressed at work and looking for an out

As I understand it, modern parents need to do two ' sets' of care to be eligible for a visit to their care homes when elderly: They need to raise their kids to adulthood, then help them get through adulthood with deposits, childcare, free housing and other help. Then and only then, can they expect any help in return. Incredibly transactional.

OP is clearly a post and run, but this thread has revealed some interesting perspectives.

This. If you’ve brought up your children well it shouldn’t be necessary to bribe them to look after you when you’re old.