Adult children contributing to costs

This subject caused so much angst in our household, I just stopped paying for stuff instead.

So they don't give me money, or regularly contribute in any practical sense (another source of angst). Instead they have to pay for their own phones, toiletries and food outside the absolute basics I buy when I feel like it, and they do their own washing.

I paid £300PCM over 25 years ago. I guess it depends on their earnings and where you live. How much is a room in a shared house locally? Where we live you couldn't get a room in a house for less than £800PCM including utilities then you'd need to pay for food and toiletries.

I’m a single parent of 3 DCs. Two are working adults and pay based on their income,l the older one earns approx double the younger one, so younger one pays £300 and older one £500. They decided these figures themselves as a fair contribution.

1/2 of all take home pay is ridiculous. That would be charging a child between £12-£15k, just for remaining at home. It does not cost that much in food, gas, electricity for one more person living in a home you already have. As for taking all their money, then giving it back to them years later, that is treating them like infants who can't manage their own money. My DS opened a LISA and saved £10k each year. The money got the 25 percent government premium added to it. Then he used this towards his deposit. The thing is you bring them up to be financially responsible and to want to save. Taking away their money and saving it for them screams you don't trust them to save on their own and see them as financially incompetent. Why would you want to do that to your DC? 🤷

My plan is to charge £500
And save it for their house deposit- so dd gets used to having a lot of her salary taken away for cost of housing etc. we have discussed this as she wishes to get an apprenticeship after college and get on the housing ladder asap- so needs to get used to budgeting

Depends on wage etc but 20 years ago I paid £200 a month. I had to put equal amount into savings per month. It's amazing gift you doing charging adult children as forces them to budget. Renting own place with bills etc is so expensive compared to home.

But she could afford to have children, just not to carry other earning adults.

"Sitting round with a pen and paper, and calculator in hand" or budgeting, as it is otherwise known, is something a lot of parents do, yes.

There's 5 of us so I divided all the bills by 5 and that's what they pay. So gas, electric, water, food, council tax, internet plus about a £5 for general house upkeep/maintenance. They still have to share a room with a sibling so wouldn't charge for that.

I don't charge mine but they are saving up to move out

I do expect them to muck in - walk the dog, cook meals, take the rubbish out and be generally helpful. If at any stage they behaved more like lodgers I would revisit my thinking!

Really? There's 18 years between having children and them growing up so circumstances can change. It's also ok for people who are poor to have children or for parents to try to teach their children the value of money.

Why have children when simple Maths eludes you? The mind boggles.

If you have working adult children living at home, how much rent do they pay you?

£0 but we are financially able to make that decision and it what works for us.
We expect dd to be saving a certain % of her income each month in longer term savings.

I would 'gently' suggest that his friends parents may be better off than you and he is welcome to pay for his own flat if he prefers.

My son moved out now to his own house but he used to pay £300 pcm until last July. For this he received access to any food in the house, some meals cooked for him, electricity, gas, unlimited hot water, super fast internet access, Virgin go on his phone, Netflix, Amazon Prime, his monthly phone contract paid with Virgin package, TV package in his bedroom including Sky Movies, Sky Sport, BT Sport, access to washing and drying machines, washing powder, basic toiletries, family takeaway once a week paid for. Council tax made no difference whether he lived at home or not because me and DH paid the full amount.

Household spends on food, the extra council tax of having a second adult in the house, bills all vary massively. I would start by working out what they are costing you and discussing that with them.

I'm a single mum and once my teens leave education I will expect them to work.

I wouldn't charge rent as I live here anyway and the rent is the same regardless.

I would ask for a contribution to food and gas/electric as I would be losing any child benefit and child maintenance and wouldn't be able to support them both.

I see the best support I can give as offering them a home to stay in as long as they want to, as cheap as I can make it, so that they can save etc.

They can come and go as they please but I would expect them to do their own laundry and things like that.

“I still have under 16s at home. I’ve calculated how much it costs to have them living here (increased council tax, energy etc).”

Wow, there are parents who sit around doing this? With a pen and paper, and calculator in hand?

Why have so many children when you clearly can’t afford them? The mind boggles.

£0 but we could afford it and our young adults saved very diligently to purchase. It was a way we could help. However best friend - single mum, had to charge her DC £400 a month to cover additional costs - food, power, council tax discount etc.

Dss pays £250 pm. He's 26 and earns around £27k

He’s in his first year of graduate job on £29k. We ask for £200 a month. That covers what he eats; we don’t need him to pay more and we wanted him to save a lot so he could move out with Gf. They get the keys to their home in 2 weeks.

Other relatives asked for 20 or 30 per cent from their DC.

With council tax are you going to lower their 25% when the next child ages up too.

Could you live fine if they went sod this and left?

1/2 take home pay - what they would expect to pay in rent + bills independently. The important thing is to ensure that there's not too much disposal income. They need to learn to live within their future means not think everything they earn is "pocket-money"

If it's too much for your household budget you can put it into a savings account to return to them for down-payment or deposit or in case of crisis.

£200 per month, he’s an apprentice. I am on my own and couldn’t afford for him not to contribute

If you have no spare income then you definitely can't subsidise them. I'd be of the opinion that you are an adult, this is what it costs me extra in utilities/food etc to have you here. I need you to contribute x amount otherwise I'm afraid you'll need to look elsewhere for somewhere to live. It's not fair for me to have a poor standard of living whilst still trying to bring up two children.

However as they are an adult I'd comprise a spreadsheet of the outgoing costs Vs what you bring in first before asking them to leave if you get resistance. Treat them like an adult, engage with them to where you could possibly could cut costs as a collective household. Show them why you want more rent. What their friends pay is irrespective, every household is different. Engage with them as an adult and you are more likely to get the result that you want.

£0 but everyone’s financial circumstances are very different. We were happy to have them at home although they were working full time. I’d rather they were saving for a house deposit than giving us money. Our outgoings never really increased as they were all here while at Uni so it made no difference to us.

I ask for £250 from DS. I pay everything including his phone at £70pcm - all he pays us his car finance and car insurance